OUR FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

To my wonderful husband, Db, and I. Wish you a very happy anniversary.

Whoooooooa!!! We have completed one year to our wedding, but lemme tell you it doesn’t feel half as long. Yes, the initial couple of days were trying times, but for sure, that has made our relationship a lot stronger and we, as a couple have grown so much closer.

Db is the best husband I could have. Yeah I know, a lot of women say the same thing about their husbands, but Db sure is. There are a few observations which bring me to this conclusion.

Firstly, in an arranged marriage in the Oriya community, it’s literally impossible to get a good bargain in terms of an accommodating, non interfering and yet supportive husband who respects your freedom as much as he does for himself. Trust me, I met a lot of DHAKKANS before I tied the knot.

Secondly, I am a real difficult person to be with…more due to my patience which is literally non-existent. I wear my brains on my heels most of the time and my switch for logic is short circuited. He puts up with a lot from me & right now I am taking this opportunity to tell him….THANK YOU! THANK YOU for ALWAYS being there for me. You are my everything. Without you I’m pretty sure my world would not exist.

And also, we have NOTHING in common, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING …and no marks for guessing who KINDLY ADJUSTS.

I guess what I’m trying to say is our differences hold us together, make us whole and keep things interesting.

I love that you are the last person I talk to before I go to sleep and the first person I see when I wake up…

So here’s raising a toast to our HAPPY WALLA wedding anniversary and I sincerely hope we have many more of the same in the years to come.

Cheers!!!

ADIEU SINGLEHOOD...

Db is back since last night…so hereby my single hood days come to an end.

Hey not that I am complaining. Of course because Db has got me soooooooooo many gifts from London, and a new microwave last night, and more new dresses and jewelry coming up this weekend, for my brother’s wedding in feb and not to forget we planned a vacation also(hurray !!! couple pics finally!!!). HOR KI CHAEEDA.

Of all pics that he’s got from London, there’s one that needs a special mention. Have a look at this one.

I was wondering whose statue was that, but that actually turned out to be a BEGGAR on the streets of LONDON. BEGGARS!!! IN LONDON!!! News to me!!!

Also the first question that struck me was…the money he spent on his attire could have easily sufficed him the money for food that he was begging for. But Db tells me that the beggars in London are not like the ones in India, they are pretty better-off financially. He mentioned a beggar that he spotted on the railway station who was playing an electronic guitar, which costs 200$-250$ on an average.

I wonder then why do they have to beg at all.

Hey, in that case, was the Bachan senior playing a beggar in JBJ??? All this while I thought he was playing rock star or something.

Hmm….

GRRRRRRRR!!!

@ 12 am

For more reasons than one:

Db's stay has been extended by another week...

I have had enough of my singlehood days...FULTOO BORED

None of my friends are free to meet me over the weekend...

My code is giving some weird error...

Satyam shares have fallen down to rupees 6...

And while I am ALL-SO-ANGRY, i am over a conference call with Db and his friend, who are discussing the margins if they open a boiled egg/omlette shop at the major office locations in Bangalore.

Grrrrrrrrr!!!

UPDATE @ 1 am

Now they are advocating laziness. All intelligent people are lazy, and only fools work hard. And the fact that we are lazy makes us intelligent.

I am not even in a mood to challenge this utterly KAMINI philosophy.

Grrrrrrrrrr Again!!!

HOME ALONE…BACK TO MY SINGLE DAYS FOR SOMETIME – III

My colleagues at office argued with me last night that Surya was better than Aamir in the Tamil version of Ghajini, I managed to catch a few scenes of the same on youtube…and without any doubts…Aamir rocks!!!

What a dull day this morning!!!

While I am staying alone, getting up at nine in the morning seems too early. Half the days I skip my breakfast and the other half of the days I skip my dinner.

My alarm shot at nine today. There was no sun in the balcony, I checked and rechecked the time, since it appeared no more than seven. Damn it’s actually nine. I literally dragged myself to cook something for dinner lest I skip dinner again today. I felt like a drunken monkey.

Reached office but there isn’t too much work either. Since last two weeks I have turned quite efficient. I am quite happy with my own performance this fortnight. That matters more than what others think. I can also point out a few limitations and bugs in hibernate. Howzzat!!!!

I never knew there were so many CHINDICHORS in my office. I got a new 2GB memory card and a pair of new earphones for my phone the other day. I kept the earphones in my drawer and somehow forgot to lock my drawer. My earphones are missing this morning. GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

The entire office, the news channels, the newspapers…all are talking about just one thing…SATYAM. Dude…I have some shares worth a ten thousand with Satyam, I bought them at 138 and now they are worth just 35. Damn!!!
I had this discussion with my colleagues this evening on this, as most of them would say that Ramalinga Raju is a fraud. Lot have been said and done about the same, Satyam Computers stripped off Golden Peacock Global Award, and they have been removed from the Sensex and Nifty as well…and sure a lot more is yet to come with each passing day.

But I actually feel sad for the guy. I mean…come on…who doesn’t manipulate balance sheets. I am sure all companies do it to some extent. You cant strive in business if you are a saint.

At school we manipulated the readings in the physics lab, the teacher knew it, I am sure he would have done it when he was in our shoes.
We get adulterated stuff everywhere, the milk, the rice, the oil…you name it.
People tamper with horoscopes in marriages.
The shopping malls increase the market price by 75% and give a 50% SALE on it.
Don’t we all tamper with data at some point for personal gain.

Yes, the crime is to get caught...and that's where Satyam went wrong.

I don't advocate what Ramalinga Raju has done but for sure he is not the only one, he is the only one who got caught...yet if he is to be believed, he hasn't used the money for his personal benefits, he just wanted to prevent his company from being taken over. So all I feel for him is pity and more so towards the employees who have their jobs at stake, more so since the IT is going through the worst recession phase...and the investors like me who are losing their hard earned money.

LOOKING BACK AT 2008

Some of my favorites moment of 2008:

The day I returned from our engagement and we went to the coffee shop at ROYAL ORCHID at 2am. 

My wedding with Db.

Our first valentines day, which was also the 4th day of our married life.

My first diamonds.

My new bike .

The day Db score 99 percentile in then SIMCAT, with absolutely no preparation.

Watching JODHA AKBAR with Db, which was our first movie together. 

The late night long drives.

Getting into the TCS top 100.

The few weeks that Db is out of country, I loved my single days.

My favorite movies:

Rock On

A Wednesday

Ghajini ( that’s only for Amir Khan)

Madagascar

Slumdog Millionare

HOME ALONE…BACK TO MY SINGLE DAYS FOR SOMETIME – II

It was a normal day at office.
I am getting to learn hibernates better with each passing day, which is also helping me get my confidence back. Well I always believed that being single makes you more efficient, so I hereby rest my case.

Last night I reached home around ten. Had a quick dinner (GOBI DA PARATHAS, again), spoke to my brother and his fiancée (huh!!!) on a conference call. Then spoke to Db on web cam till one. He showed me his apartment in London and a few pics from the flight.
At one I decided I wanted watch some movie, so scanned my pen drive for something that might look interesting (Db had actually copied some movies to my pen drive before leaving for London…cho chweeeet), got a movie called DIL KABADDI. It had quite an impressive cast but the movie was equally DABBA.
By two thirty, I couldn’t torture myself anymore with that shit. So I decided to sleep.

I have been worried all these days that when Db would be away, I would be scared to sleep alone in the dark. More so since just a few weeks back, a family staying just the floor above had committed suicide. I can see the living room window of that house open from my main door, and that open window scared me. We made sure that before Db leaves, we have good bed lighting system in the house and also I decided to keep the kitchen light on while I am sleeping during the night, never to step out to look at the gaping open window and avoid the kitchen as much as possible late night. But at the same time,all of it seemed weird, I have never been so chicken hearted all my life, so what is it that's tarnishing my spirit.
But thankfully, my spirit hasn’t died yet. Last night I came at ten in the night while the window was still open, moved to the kitchen quite a few times within twelve to two thirty in the night, and slept with all lights off. **BOW**

Well…in the morning the alarm shot at nine. I hit it shut and went back to sleep. Then suddenly the door bell rang, I woke to see that the maid was here for work. Damn she is early, I swore. I glanced at watch in the drawing room…I somehow felt it said 10.45. Ah!!! That damned watch has roman letters, and I am still half asleep to read roman.
I look at my mobile for time, its INDEED 10:45. DAMN!!! Suddenly as if the FORWARD button has been triggered on me.

Déjà vu…I wonder when was the last time I had been this careless…waking up almost before noon and rushing to office, skipping my bath ;)

HOME ALONE…BACK TO MY SINGLE DAYS FOR SOMETIME-I

Db is out of country for a fortnight. He started today morning around 5, I have been awake since then. First, it was the anxiety till his flight takes off and I am awake till now, for a similar anxiety for his flight to land…TEN TEN TENNEN…I have turned a wife…humph!!!

But it's comes with a good puff of my good old spinsterhood days. My TV hasn’t been off since 5 in the morning, I watched GHAJINI online (a full paragraph on that is coming next), had a conference call with Mom Dad and my Brother ( and his fiancée…huh!!!) online, finished a bottle of Thumps up, cooked for myself a couple of GOBI DA PARATHAS, planning to watch a few more movies(Oye Lucky Lucky Oye is in the queue) , in days to come after returning from office(late night, that is…), catch up with some old friends...quite sums up my life when I was single. The only difference is, I am missing Db a little too much…sigh!!!

Well coming to Ghajini…
I don’t say it’s a great movie…I saw a few scenes of the Telgu(or was it Tamil???) version and seems like it was a scene to scene copy of the original. But what makes this film special is one person called AMIR KHAN. I mean each word when I say I have no words to describe his acting. All bullshit that the media does about who is the King of bollywood…no SRK, no Salman, no Akshay can anywhere come anywhere close to Aamir. What an Amazing(with a capital A) performance…man you rock. You outdo yourself each time. He has very few dialogues in the movie, I have hardly seen a film where the main protagonist has such less words for himself…but man he still speaks louder than any of his costars, through this face and eyes. My favorite scene is the one when Jiah Khan reminds Aamir of his past at the hospital…the opening of the scene when Aamir is sitting on his bead totally blank, to the confused look on meeting Jiah, to his expression of ‘please tell me more’ all conveyed by his eyes and then his explosion in rage when he remembers his past…all these expressions come in a matter of some 10-15 seconds…left me spellbound. Asin is good , in fact quite good for a start in a peppy lovable character, while I wish Jiah Khan would have played a character who was dumb. The movie isn’t a very sleek one and the background score was irritating.

Well…more to come on my blog in the next two weeks, since I haven’t got too much to do after office…

Are you a ‘DUKHI COUPLE’???

We complete 10 months to our marriage today. yeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Kudos to Db for bearing me for that long, well…it’s still not over for him though.

Db and me, we had this discussion last night…it was triggered by the pictures of one of my very close friends who got married recently. Apparently she’d been to Mauritius for her honeymoon and hanged some her nice couple pics on orkut.

We have none???

Many of my friends on orkut have been complaining, requesting, urging me to hang some couple pics, but I can’t since I haven’t got any!!!
We couldn’t manage to go on a honeymoon due to our long wedding procedures and the paucity of leaves. Then we had Db’s BILLY and soon after the BILLY was out of the basket, Db has been ever so busy with his office work. So, we never managed to have a good social life either.
That explains the dearth of couple pics.

So do we look like a DUKHI COUPLE!!!
Since we don’t have couple pics, we do not meet a lot of people, not many social gatherings either, do we look like a DUKHI COUPLE to the world of our friends and acquaintances.

Db says it doesn’t matter to him what they think…but somehow it’s bothering me. I need some pics, in some nice location, holding hand in hand, smiling like there is no tomorrow…like a SUKHI COUPLE. Sounds silly…I know, but I want them…and I want them ASAP.

Why ASAP…there is a reason to that. I want to click some good pics before I put on any more weight than I already have.

*Wink!!!

A DAY OF SURPRISES

Last week was a two day week for me, since I was on leave for three days due to my bronchitis treatment. I joined on Thursday only to find that so many issues had been pending. So Friday was a mad mad day, sending status reports, metrics, issue trackers, response of which were awaited on Monday, since Thursday and Friday were bank holidays in US due to the Thanksgiving.

Monday there were no mails at all, no updates on issues, nobody available on the sametime too. We idly waited till 8 and left after leaving a reminder mail.

I come office this morning, I open my mail box and there is a farewell mail from my onsite co-ord. Had he resigned???…I speak to my team mates, nobody seems to know anything. Four other people have been released from our project too, including my manager. It’s believed to be due to cost cutting measures.
We have a release scheduled this Friday, we have been learning web services all these days for a new requirement coming in Jan, there are quite some issues to be fixed in the application…what about all that.

My mail box has a meeting invitation from my client late in the evening today. Is he going to say that we are also getting released? Oh this suspense is killing. I don’t want a release from this project. I have loved this place. Let’s see how the call goes. The future is unsure as of now.

Sigh!!!

UPDATE 3rd Dec 2008:
Seems we are safe as of now. Some people from onsite have been sent back and also a few people from offshore have been released due to cost cutting measures. But seems our team is supposed to hang on for a while. The application release is still schedule n Friday the 5th and we are supposed to fix all pending issues in the next three days.
Quite a relief though.

FEELING SICK AND GUILTY

A grew up hating doctors. Somehow I feel, doctors and hospital make me more sick, I feel they are gonna screw up my immune system.

I have this cold and cough, which is like an accepted companion for life now, I have learned to live with it over time. Nothing new for me this time as well, my most loyal companion has come to visit me yet again. I tried to hush it up with a few cough syrups, but it still managed to come back to me over and over again. But it has been more painful than ever before. Why is what I fail to understand. I have had this problem since ages, never had I been so sick or been taking so many leaves from office. I recall, with my previous employer, once I had met with a serious accident where I hurt my kneecap, I was limping to my office even on weekends…I got an infected eye due to my lenses, I was wearing my thick glasses to office, working with my eyes just a few inches from the screen, since I couldn’t see effectively through the glasses…I still cooked my own food in my flat…managed to go places for grocery and other chores all on my own. So what makes it different this time? I haven’t been cooking since last two days, Db picked me from office last night, and I don’t remember the last week when I worked for 5 days in office.

If Db is to be believed, he says, he’s seen many of his teammates (females) started applying for more sick leaves after they got married. But why. Is it because you get somebody to pamper you…!!! And I have a more comfortable team this time, so I can afford to get relaxed. I guess these are the reasons.

But also, I have a feeling that I haven’t been performing well at office this quarter. Somehow I sense I am the weakest link in my project, due to my performance and due to the fact that I have been taking so many leaves recently. They gave me a rating of four for my confirmation and the hike of a dream, but sure they expected more outta me, which clearly I didn’t meet. I make silly mistakes at work, I mean real silly ones, can’t focus on one thing, and I feel as if everybody around me realizes it too. What hurts me most is the fact that I am not inevitable for this project, while wherever I worked before, I was inevitable for the team. You know, it could also be me and just me thinking that way, since I tend to be a very unconfident individual myself…may be my team doesn’t think so. But so be it, when I feel that I am not worth the ratings I received from this team, I feel sick. I have even considered asking for a release from this project, but somehow I feel that urge to fight back. I try to pick up the toughest work of the assigned ones, but somehow I fall flat most of the time, since I am not able to focus.

I want to come back, gain faith on myself and my capabilities, and prove myself all over again, not to others, to myself primarily. But if I can’t in a few months, I will certainly ask for a release from this project, or look for another job where I can start afresh. I can’t stay here anymore with the feeling that I didn’t deserve what they gave me.

UPDATE 24th November:
I have been diagonalized with Bronchitis. So all that feeling of being sick all these days wasn’t a just a feeling in that case.
I was feeling guilty all the way since I had to take Friday off from office, but now, here I am, on leave on the Monday also, and may be on Tuesday and Wednesday too. I need to visit the hospital twice a day for the Nebulization. So you see, I am quite incapable of joining office. But the guilt factor is growing bigger, I am not capable of delivering what I am expected to. Sigh!!!
I need to try harder and give my best when I join office later this week.

RE-LIVE YOUR LIFE

Some one once told me that wish we had an edit button to life…we could have edited the things that happened which we didn’t like, only preserved things that delight us.

What would you do if you get a chance to relive your life…would you like to it to be the same or would you like add some difference to it.
Let me list out ten things, given a chance, I would have changed:

• I would certainly take up dancing and painting lessons.

• I would spend more time with my parents. I was always selfish to choose to be with my friends, when I should have been with them.

• I would be more fun loving and extrovert at college (parties, discos, boys...I hardly made to any of these) .

• I would do an MBA.

• I would choose the people (read friends) I hang around with more carefully.

• I would be with more men, so that I would get to know the species better (my gang was mostly...all girls) .

• I wouldn’t come to Bangalore (oh…then how could have I found Db then!!! well then…let me rephrase it. I wouldn’t have come to Bangalore for the reasons I did).

• I would work on my confidence, so that I can face life with more of the same.

• I would learn the art of saying NO to people. Something I am still learning… never say YES when you want to say NO.

• I would learn to judge people and their intentions and not to trust them blindly. I then wouldn’t have made a fool of myself. Again something I am still learning.

On the other hand, I don’t really wish to change anything. Since it would also take away what I learnt from my mistakes. I still want to meet the wrong people, so that when I meet the right ones, I’d appreciate them.
Hmm…confused me…ARGH!!!GEMINIS…

Let me hear your list…

Oops I did it again!!!

Yes, I was again offered a chance to move to onsite, but (again), I refused. I can’t you see, just leave everything and off for a year…not possible. I am sure I am soon gonna create a record on my misses, but hey no regrets…I have better things in life to care for.

But then…what’s this!!!

The person who is being sent on my behalf, he asked me to help him fill up his L1 Blanket documents. And here I go…I am jealous...jealous for something which was offered to me first, which I gracefully declined. So, ideally I am not supposed to complain. But here I am, too much human, I want everything…

Sigh!!!

If I could change things...

I am worried for my friend.

She’s been my best buddy since, what, almost ten years.

I remember, the first day at college, the eleventh standard that is. I got through this school, which was supposed to be the best school then, all crème students of the city were part of the school.

Before you start flattering me, as to how bright I was to have made it to this school, I must tell you that it was not my fault at all, the selection panel is to be blamed. I, on the contrary was a round faced, overweighed, unconfident creature, with heavy black glasses and oiled hair, riding on a blue Atlas Goldline Super. Not many were interested in making friendship with me, due to my uninviting personality…I mean not even the girls, forget the men.

I don’t exactly remember how we met, but I do remember that she was the only one I found myself comfortable with…and till date we make the best of friends. She has been there with me thick and thin, though I can’t bet on if I reciprocated the same, I had always been the selfish one. A wonderful person, a great listener, very humble and a go getter. I am completely in awe of her.

Never did I ever think that I would suspect her decisions. I don’t want her to hurt herself. How wish I could help her see some reason. But I can’t, I know.

The most experienced and composed people tend to turn into mere fools. Love actually makes you do strange things; you tend to do things which OTHERWISE you wouldn’t have…because at times like this, you tend to see the world with colored glasses, conveniently ignoring the harsh realities that lie beneath. And when the realities come out in the open to challenge you, the world comes crashing down on you… and all you are left wondering, is how you could have been such a fool. The loss is too much to handle, you lose your innocence, your confidence, the ability to trust people…and all you get is the ghost of the past haunting you all the time.

I wish I could save her from this, since I already see the future which she can’t. I will be happy if she proves me wrong, and see her living happily, and proud of her decisions.

As they say, if you make mistakes in life, God also makes sure you have the capability to bear the consequences. But wish I could change things...

Neverthess, I hope, I am there for her when she needs me.

ONE DAY AT COFFEE DAY...

Yes and I am little too polite (friendly may be) to the waiters at the restaurants I visit…and sometimes it backfires.

There is a COFFEE DAY quite close to my house (within a kilometer diameter is considered to be near in Bangalore). So we happen to visit it quite sometimes. One fine day, when I and Db had been there for breakfast, as we were fighting over the menu, I noticed the waiter smiling at us. I wondered if he understood Oriya, but then we just let that pass.

Many a times, I visit the place on my way back from office, to grab a quick sandwich if I missed my evening snacks at office. One such day, I went in. I was greeted by the same waiter…

Good Evening maa’m…he smiled.

I smiled back

Good evening. Could you please pack me a Chicken Tikka Sandwich. Quick Please.

Sure…Au kichi maa’m.(anything else maa’m)

I impulsively raised an eyebrow and smiled at him

Na..setiki ( No that should be fine)

I left with my parcel. I could hear him say…

Sabdhan re jibe maa’m (please drive carefully maa’m)

I was really touched by his gesture. It sure feels good to find a fellow Oriya in Bangalore…and more so when we acknowledge each other.

Last night I happened to go there again. I was greeted by another waiter, though I could find the Oriya guy at the cashier counter. I ordered my usual sandwich, and sat down on the couch with a coffee to kill time. Soon same Oriya guy arrived with my sandwich and the bill.

So how was the diwali maa’m. he smiled at me.

It was good.

So maa’m, what do you do here?

I work.

Where???

IT. What else do Oriya people do here in Bangalore!!!
Suddenly I realized that most of the security guards, watchmen and cooks were also Oriya in Bangalore. But I was sure I didn’t look like one of them.

Married...he inquired.

Yes…my voice had a tinge of skepticism.

Well maa’m, which place from Orissa do you belong?

Rourkela. And where are you from?

Cuttack. Hmm…Rourkela. My girlfriend got married there.
I raised an eyebrow. I didn’t expect him to give me his love details to someone who is almost a stranger. But visibly he misinterpreted my reaction.

No no maa’m. I have no contacts with her anymore…he cleared (As if I was bothered…huh!!!). Last time I went back to my village, she came with her son. That’s when I met her. I am married now, I have two kids…my daughter is 6 years old and my son is 2. So you see, we are both happywith our lives.

Yeah. I started looking at my watch.

I have been across almost the entire west Orissa, worked in almost all kind of restaurants (I was wondering by any chance he believes that people working in IT can refer waiters at restaurants). But then my parents and my brother shifted to Bangalore, so I thought what would I do alone in Orissa, so I joined them too here.

My smile was fast vanishing now.

Oh maa’m. the guy who joins you here often, he must be your husband right!!!

(What the fuck!!!) Yeah. I gotta leave now. Thanks.

Sure maa’m.

I rushed towards the door.

Sabdhan re jibe maa’m (Please drive carefully maa’m).

I went towards my bike without looking back.

I have always been polite to people of the lower grade. That’s because I believe, that makes them happy, feel individual and acknowledged. The lady who cleans the rest room in my office, the security guard who checks me when I enter the office gate, the helper at the coffee machine, the laundry guy for our apartment, my house maid, I always exchange a “hello…how are you” with them. And it makes me feel good since I do consider life is gonna be terrible without them.

But, this time it was like…

बच्चा समझ के गोद में उठा लीया तो कान में सुसु कर दीया

DEEPAWALI CELEBRATION AT OFFICE

Today we had a deepawali celebration at office. Well…I didn’t expect much from it, but some how it was good.

I was really tempted to jump on the stage, but alas…the no. of years and kilos that I have put on, steals away most of the confidence and zeal.

Back in the college days, I remember, jumping on the stage with my friends while the junior was performing on the welcome day for the electricals. We danced the entire song off, while the junior who was originally performing ended up being a spectator herself.

I think I have done it all, all kinds of dancing, singing, a minuscule bit of acting too. But where is the confidence to perform among a thousand people now. I never shied away from the crowd before.

I saw quite a good number of people performing today, not all of them were good but at least they had the guts to come up on stage and give it a shot. A few were so free and absolutely unaware about the spectators, they clearly came to enjoy themselves. I sure believe I was a lot better than most of them, but that’s BOL BACHAN...the end of it, all that matters is, I didn’t have the courage to perform among so many people, which they did. Next time I am sure gonna try something.

And yes...before I forget…HAPPY DIWALI TO ALL OF YOU

The great wall street meltdown

Came accross a nice article on the US recession and the crisis in the finacial market explained in a very simple and interesting way. Have a look:

The great wall street meltdown

FLATTERED...

Off late a lot of people have been surprised to know my marital status. There have been three cases already where people gave me that Oh-you-are-married look to me. May be I am too young to be married…hmm…don’t think so. Then it must be MERI TWACHA SE MERI UMR KA PATA HI NAHIN CHALTA…
Too flattered…more so when Db has been creating a fuss over my steady weight gain all these days.

As happy and thrilled as I am, that doesn’t mean I am gonna forget about my pledge to lose weight. Who knows I might turn into a size zero figure aka Kareena dearest.

Midnight blog from Db's PDA

This infact is a little crazy test blog from Db's new PDA.
Don't know why...but its more fun than my office desktop and the lappie as well. And yes Db's got to watch it...l am already eying on it...muahhhhhhhhhhhhh

DETERMINED THIS TIME…

Every time I looked at the mirror before, it said I wasn’t putting on, Ahem…well…huh…okay…let’s say not too much. Not sure if mirrors lie, or I need to get my eyes checked.

But yes, I have put on…put on a little too much. None of my old dresses fit me anymore. It took me more than half an hour to dress up for office today…why??? Damn…none of my formals fit me. Gone are those days when I used to wear the trendiest of all clothes…now I will have to manage with anything which fits me. SOB SOB

Not really.

I am a Gemini…remember. Not the one to give up so soon.

I am hell determined to hit the gym daily now on. Being lucky enough to have a husband who doesn’t mind me wearing any damn thing on earth, I am not going to give up this luxury just because I couldn’t maintain my figure

So the agenda is:

I am not having food outside (including the home deliveries) more than 2 times a month.

Hit the gym daily for half an hour in the morning.

Suryanamaskar every morning.

No ice creams, and chocolates and pizzas…Db can’t coax me anymore.

No soft drinks either.

No mid-day munching on mixtures, cakes or cookies.

All said and done, I plan to get a weighing machine at home to put a constant check on my weight. If all goes well, I am determined to lose some good 5 kg in the next two months.

AMEN to that!!!

SCARED...WHO ME???

As a teenager I loved horror shows like QUILA, AAHAT and ZEE HORROR SHOW, all of which were telacasted late in the night. My Dad was strictly against watching horror, particularly in the night. He believed, it had some harmful impact on your brains, since some of our brain nerves would be tired and not actively functioning by late in the night. So I would wait for my parents to sleep and then sneak into the drawing room to watch the horror shows.
I remember watching RAAZ with my friends during my hostel days. When we entered the theater, we were 9 people and by the time the movie ended we were only two left in the theater.
We watched BHOOT at the middle of the night, I remember half the hostel slept in the same room with the lights on. I had a hearty laugh on them before I retired to my room. I slept with the lights off.

But last night I watched this movie 1920. When I saw the promos, I passed it off as a B grade horror movie that came from Bollywood in recent times. By word from mouth, I decided to give it a try, horror being one of my favorite genre. I got a DVD, and watched it last night soon after dinner.
This film is certainly not for the faint hearted. Man!!! There were a few breath taking scenes, which sent a chill down my spine. I could have never watched it in the theater.

More than just the horror, each frame in the movie looked like a painting. The movie is set during the year 1920. The locations in Yorkshire are captured very well. The first half is used only to build the platform for the second. Merely, the best part is where Lisa (Adah Sharma) is pulled into a Dark black hole of a room just before interval.
And the roller coaster begins when the girl is possessed by the spirit.
The scene where she is caught by her husband eating a dead cat was disgusting(more so since I am quite incapable of seeing blood).
The scene when she (rather the spirit) talks to the doctor when he is about to inject her.
The exorcism scene, when Lisa breaks loose and runs away.
The climax of the movie is just apt. Normally the horror movies in bollywood have rather funny climax(e.g. BHOOT).
The main protagonist Lisa, she looks like a entirely different person when posses. Brilliant debut. Normally girls look for a debutant film where they can showcase their beauty, dancing skills and sexuality. Its nice to find a debutant who can act.

Overall, its worth a watch.
And yes, after watching the movie, I did feel a little eerie when I entered the kitchen in the dark last night.

DRESSED TO KILL...

No...It wasn't me.

Its some lady at Db's office, the way she dresses up seems to have caught some attention from men. Not sure if its a deliberate attempt, I do know some girls love that kinda attention from men.

But Db is worried, since theirs is a small office with very few employees and he is bothered if she notices him looking at her assets and complains. He has been trying to avoid her by all means but whenever she does come across he cant keep his eyes off her.
He will sure be relieved when she is sent back to Pune, i.e. where she originally comes from, after her deputation is over.

Ah!!!Think of the ways a woman can scare the day lights out of men.

I AM TOP 100

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
I am among the top 100 coders in my firm. I am so happy.

Well...I agree on some foul play. I accept that I answered a few questions by actually running them on eclipse. But then I am sure, everyone would have and why not, it’s a competition and all that matters is YOU GOTTA WIN!!!

And no matter what, I am a winner.

No stop, there are two more rounds to go, to reach the Top 10 coders and win myself a laptop. But I already feel like a winner. Being among top 100 coders in a firm of say 50000 employees, is a great deal too.

Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee again!!!

I AM PLEASANTLY SURPRISED

I am at Db's office today.

On a weekend!!!!, as you might ask. Well...he was working, so I thought I will give him company and will get to see his office too. I always considered his office work culture to be a lot different than what I have normally seen. It’s a smaller firm with a strength of only 200 across Bangalore.

I have always worked for big companies, and branded clients like metLife, New York Times and JPMorgan Chase. Big brands have big policies and big headaches. For instance, I have never known to use yahoo talk and GTalk in office. In my current account, I cant use web mail either. I want to download I.E 1.8 and Google Chrome, to get a hand on the new software, but I can’t download them without the approval from my manager and the networking fellas. Downloading any freeware, mp3, songs, watching youTube, using webmails is all prohibited by my client and my employer. The cab I use, the tea/coffee I drink is all billed to my client. So my employer provides me with limited facilities so that they don’t have to produce never ending bills to their clients. Off late since we have seen the market going down after Lehman brothers and Merrill Lynch have filed for bankruptcy, I have even found toilet tissues disappearing :)

Now I am here since morning and this place has been constantly shocking me.

I am sitting in the ODC(Offshore Development Center) next to Db, blogging on his laptop while he is in talk with some team member, and all I had to do is sign in the Visitor’s Register, I am taken aback at the trust the company has on its employees here.

I look around and find that I have ready access to all the company resources(I just used the scanner) unlike my employer, who allows vistors only till the reception.

I moved to the pantry, I saw all kind of fresh juices, tea, coffee, milk, cornflakes, bread, Jam, soup, Cheese slices, butter, biscuits and whatnot lying just like that, unlike my workplace where you get a limited no. of tea/coffee cups per month, horrible food for lunch and nothing except water is free. I am amazed, to what level this company pampers its employees.

The cleaning guys here are quite friendly and don’t give that why-are-you-here kind of look.

People here don’t have cubicles, they just sit together in one stretch of a table, including all managers who are given no special rooms or dedicated phone lines, and everyone is at par. They ensure equality for all.

I also found sanitary napkins provided at the ladies restroom, not those cheap, tacky ones, but the hygienic and the most costly ones. These guys sure have an eye for the employee convenience and hygiene. The fact that the napkins are costlier ones only proves that they actually respect and care for the employees and don’t do things just for the sake of doing it.

There is a guitar, a basket ball and some little soft toys around to give you the feel at home kinda mood. I really wish somebody would pick up the guitar and play something here as Db says does happen here at times.

There is a pack of facial tissues, a huge pen stand with all necessary stuff that you might need. These are very little things, and I don’t think they need a lot of money to get them, but they do make the employees feel they are special to the firm and does add on to the employee satisfaction.

I guess that’s the advantage of working in small companies. You are as important to the company, as the company is to you. The feeling is quite mutual. I big companies, you are one of the tens of thousands of people, who cannot be given any special treatment, who cannot be trusted and cannot be pampered.

No wonder, they say TW is an incredible place to work.

हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती

Man!!! I had been looking for this since long...

हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती,
लहरों से डरकर नौका पार नहीं होती|

नन्ही चींटी जब दाना लेकर चलती है,
चढती दीवारों पर सौ बार फिसलती है,
मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है,
चढकर गिरना, गिरकर चढना ना अखरता है,
मेहनत उसकी बेकार हर बार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती|

डुबकियां सिंधु में गोताखोर लगाता है,
जा जाकर खाली हाथ लॉट आता है,
मिलते ना सहज ही मोती पानी में,
बढता दूना उत्साह इसी हैरानी में,
मुट्ठी उसकी खाली हरबार नहीं होती,
हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती|

असफलता एक चुनौती है स्वीकार करो,
क्या कमी रह गयी देखो और सुधार करो,
जब तक ना सफल हो नींद चैन की त्यागो तुम,
संघर्ष करो मैदान छोड़ मत भागो तुम,
कुछ किये बिना ही जयजयकार नहीं होती,
हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती|

-सूर्यकांत त्रिपाठी निराला

Yawning off...

Testing stuff again today…**yawn**

Well…1 year back, I would look down on testing, dismiss it as something which is done by people who are not good enough for development job. But since last 1 year in this project, I have spent 75% percent of the time testing. So mindset is changing very quickly about testers.

But I would still stand by it that it’s a damn boring job. May be testers would say the same thing about development job. Somehow, I can’t make myself do it from my heart. Despite the fact that the module I am testing today is so damn complicated that I sympathize with the plight of my team member who has developed it, I don’t have half the motivation to test it. Even listing to my mp3 player doesn’t make it any better. After 5 cups of coffee and three rounds of walk on the terrace, I am still at the same place where I started, only 3 damn bugs, that’s all. I am sure a tester would have filled up the excel sheet with failed cases by now.

I desperately want the clock to strike 8 so that I rush back home. No, there is something more interesting today…Db is going for a get together with his friends, I am keen to join them. A nice chit chat with a café frappe with an extra scoop of ice cream, chocolate sauce and nuts sounds far more interesting for sure. BHAGOOOOOOO….

Almost an half an hour to go. Let me start winding up things, have a glass of water, do away with the restroom, close up all windows on my desktop, check my bag…that would kill some time

'A Wednesday' on a Sunday...

I got a chance to watch “A Wednesday” last night. I kinda loved this one for more reasons than one.

Firstly, it doesn’t waste a lot of your time, a riveting plot with duration of 100 minutes.

Secondly, it’s a no-nonsense movie. It’s an intelligent approach which made 100 minutes of complete sense.

Thirdly, the characters are all believable. The character of Naseeruddin Shah is someone with whom you can relate to. Not that you would do what he does, but sometime or the other you would have certainly fantasized something similar.

A common man who is tired of tolerating things going around him dares to make a difference.

He is a ‘common man’ who vents out his angst by taking on the system and trying to bring it down to its knees.

It somewhere echoes exactly we feel as common people…doesn’t it???

”Given a chance I could kill all the terrorists, given a chance I get a chance to meet the corrupt politicians and beat the shit out of them, given a chance I could make India a better place to live in”.

It’s something within us, the frustration, the fury, the anger for things which don’t go our way.

I have always been terribly irritated by the crowd that has no other job other than protesting on the street which leads to my office. This way has no parallels, no shortcuts, and one of the busiest roads of the city. And there are freaks who have nothing better in their life to do other than making a hue and cry for, God knows what, making life miserable for us. I get terribly frustrated each time I have to fight my way through the road when one of such protests is happening. I believe, Gandhi gave us this idea of protesting against injustice through mass gathering, but people today are misinterpreting and misusing this weapon. Gandhi, through his non-violent gatherings wanted to say it loud and clear that “You can’t make us do it your way, I am not willing to co-operate”. It did not mean “We are going to harm you”. But these days the protest means “We are going to cause inconvenience, we are going to harm and disrupt till our demands are met”.

The roads in Bangalore is also plays a big part in frustration. The road that leads to my house was dug up for the OFC work. Once they placed the pipes, they simply patched the road with mud, without caring about public inconvenience. Soon the rain came in, making life miserable for us. Every other day a car or an auto or a truck gets stuck in the road blocking the way altogether. And no municipality, no government bothers to give a damn.

So what else is expected out of a common man in such conditions???

Are we expected to be tolerant, and bear this all, since we are given to believe that we can’t make a difference, or do we take up the task of cleaning the mess on our own.

I wont be surprised, if some day I get down and pull out and beat the daylights out of the fellow driver honking at a red signal or a traffic jam.

That's exactly the message that the movie passes on.

Needless to say, a rare example of great cinema, coming from Bollywood.

THE ONSITE CALLING…

Well hard luck with that one.
The first time I had the chance to travel to the US, I opted for a transfer to Bangalore…foolish me!!! The second time I was supposed to travel to London, I opted to get married...I dont't regret it though, I got a better deal :). A few hours back I got the chance again to travel to the US, my VISA isn’t ready….ARGH!!!!

Man!!! I am quite unlucky with this one. My onsite co-cord at US has got something called I-92(God only knows what it is) expired, so he has to return in a month. So my manager wanted me to replace him, but hello, my VISA isn’t ready. DAMN!!!!

Well, to an extent I think it’s good, I don’t think I would have liked to travel now, leaving Db alone when its just 6 months to our marriage. I think I would prefer to be with him at the moment and enjoy the marital bliss. If my VISA would have been ready, I might have regretted it later, may be hold Db responsible too. But now I just have my manager and my VISA to blame…and this sounds a lot better.

I am sure, I will get plenty of chances later. It may happen yet again that, I will miss them, the same way I did the last three times, but for sure, I will hit it some day and hit it hard. Till then, the US has to wait.

RIGHTS are RIGHT???

This weekend I was watching a program on the TV, where in the hosts of the show moved across the city of Bangalore trying to find out if the youngsters knew what were their fundamental rights as Indians. I was shocking to find that they actually did not know. I tried to recall, I think I remembered only three: right to freedom of speech, expression, religion and peaceful mass gathering. I was hell bent that I would not google it and try to remember them on my own, I tried for two days but failed to remember anymore than the ones I listed.

I read the wikipedia here which doesn’t include any of the three except the right to freedom of religion. It says all three have been included under one called right to freedom. Bad, at least I should have known this being the educated mass of India. Shame shame shame!!!

There were some interesting questions too, like given a chance, which right would you like to add to the constitution. There were real whacky answers. Many of them said there has to be a right to party late night without parental interference…can you believe this!!!
But the one I loved the most was…the right to freedom of PDA. For people who don’t understand this…PDA is Public Display of Affection. Sometime or the other, you must have caught some young couple getting cozy, or smooching in a park or other places…yeah that one!!! Youngsters want it to be fundamental right. I wonder our ancestors must be turning in their graves :).

I would love to remove one desperately, the right to peaceful mass gathering. Because the right of one should no become inconvenience to another. Almost everyday for some or the other reasons, there is a group of people protesting on the road that goes to my office. It takes me fifteen minutes to cross the road which otherwise would take less than 2-3 minutes. I genuinely believe, for gathering in a public place, there should be some kind of permit required, so that people don’t gather here and there for any damn reasons causing inconvenience to hundreds of others.

I am not sure which one would I like to add though, yeah, may be one. Yes, I would like to add another provision to the right against exploitation, right against getting exploited by auto/taxi drivers who refuse to run on meters :).

CHEERS TO LIFE...

I got confirmed with my new employer this week. I completed 1 year.

I can’t help being happy. I has been a good hike, quite good in fact. My ratings say I am good beyond expectations. And the beat part is I have got better rating and hike than other counterparts in my team...he he he!!! I earn more than my PL now...

My team is a wonderful mix of people…we are all of similar work experience, and all of us have got recently married or going to tie the knot in a few months. Since we have a call with clients almost on a daily basis, around 7.30pm, we mutually agreed on coming late, so I reach office by what…12 noon…corresponding to which, I see off Db to office smiling lazily, I gladly avoid the morning traffic to office, get time to cook some lovely food for dinner before I start, my maid comes late by 9 so that I can catch some good sleep in the mornings, I get time for some yoga, speak to my Mom for half an hour, read newspaper while lazily sipping my coffee, paint if I feel like it.
I start from office around 8.30-9, a little more at times. Again I gladly avoid the evening traffic, Db gets some time of his own when his wife is not around (its good to have some space of your own), get greeted by Db with a 440 watts of smile, warm up of the food, have dinner, watch a good movie together, and sleep late.

HOR KI CHAEEDA???
I love my life.

I look back at life, I feel I have come a long way. A long way from my failures, anxieties and dissatisfaction. I am quite a content person today.
For sure, this won’t last too long, since life is all about new challenges, nahin toh it gets boring man!!! But let’s enjoy while the sun shines. And once I enjoy this break, I am gonna smile at life and ask...so whats next...wanna play!!!

WHAT A WASTE

Well…to start with, my PAISE BACHO ABHIYAAN is still on. But guess who has been the biggest opponent against my mission this month…the GOVERNMENT…yes.
How???
This month Db and me filed our tax returns. Both of us have switched job last year, so we were anyway expecting that we owe a good amount to SARKAAR. But when we actually calculated the amount, it scared the daylights out of us. A whooping 70K!!! God Damn it!!!

Reluctantly, we paid them off. While I was handling the cheque to the tax consultant, I felt like giving away blood and flesh to the government.

Why I feel more agitated is, the hard earned money that we pay as taxes, where does it all go. Any guesses!!! To the parliament of course, where do you think they got the money that they were generously waiving in the Lok Sabha during the trust vote?

I wouldn’t mind paying my taxes, if the government would in return provide better roads, better sanitation, security…if not these…at least they use it for orphanages, cancer patients, Old age homes or other needy people.

But it doesn’t go to any of the good purposes. It is used to bribe politicians to favor political parties, to provide TV, mangalsutras and rice to people in exchange for their votes, or as black money to the politicians.

What a bloody waste of our hard earned money.

WHEN DEATH AND RAPE ARE INEVITABLE, JUST LIE BACK AND ENJOY.

Well yes. Holds good doesn’t it. It’s sometimes better to avoid fighting than run the risk of injuries. I was discussing a few problems I had with my life and how I felt so helpless not being able to do anything to change its course. Wise words, I must say and of all people it came from a friend who I wouldn’t think is half as wise.

There a few things I would love to change…but I can’t. I know that somewhere somehow people are taking advantage of me, but I can do nothing to change it. May be I can, Oh no, for sure I can, but I cant get to make myself stoop so low. But the question is why, why O why do they want to take advantage of me. If I sit back and start thinking, if I would ever deliberately try to cause inconvenience to somebody else, the answer is no and a OF COURSE NO. Then what makes any body want to enjoy at the cost of my inconvenience. I read a blog here where in he tries to analyze what makes people evil or cause harm to others.

But then how does it matter, why someone is doing something. What matters is how it is going to affect you. And if it does what can you possibly do to stop it. If eventually you realize you can’t stop it from happening, just as well lie back and enjoy the fun while you see people snatching the apple from your mouth.

One fine day, we were on the verge of an evening chat. On a lighter note I asked Db, if I and his sister had an argument and he would have to choose between me and his sister, whom he would pick. He said it would be me.

WHY??? Even if you would know that it was my fault.
He said yes. Even if I would know it’s your fault, I would still stand by you.
WHY???
Because I have to spend my entire life with you and not with my sister. Standing by you would make life simpler for me.

I look at my SIL, and she visibly agreed with her brother. She gave me the obvious look and said Of course…what else.

I try to look within myself, would I do the same thing too. If Db and my Dad had a difference of opinion over something, who would I choose. What came as an obvious answer was, I would try to find out who is correct among the two and take his side. (Though I agree I am not half as assertive as DB or even my SIL, I am not sure how exactly would I behave when put into such a situation. Pray it never comes). Because I don’t want to HAVE TO spend my life with him, I’d want to LOVE TO do so.

To which Db says, this is why I keep saying you haven’t grown up. Idealism doesn’t help. In practical life, it has to be given a backseat if you really wanna stay happy. We know we have to spend say the next 60-70 years together, so why not try to keep each other happy and make it simpler. The key to happiness is, be selfish…when its about your family vs the rest of the world, your family comes first. But when its about you vs your family, YOU stand over everything else. You have to be a little selfish to be happy, or you end up giving everybody a chance to step over your happiness to reach theirs. Since you are my family now, you stand over everything and everybody else, because I want to be happy in my life. But when its either you or me, I would probably get selfish again for the same reason, and I expect you to do the same if situation arises.

It amuses me at times, when I claim I am an idealistic person.

May be its actually not idealism that I practice, its perhaps the immaturity, the innocence that I am holding back. May be I miss the practical approach towards life.
Many a times we know what is going on is not the correct thing to do, but you have no other go other than doing it, for the sake of peace, happiness or plain and simple SELFISHNESS.

So while people make you their trail to glory and you know you can’t or don’t want to stop them, then the only way you have is sit back and enjoy them pursue their happiness and their selfishness.