Neighbour's envy owner's pride

Lemme cite an example from a book I was reading recently.

There is this main mail protagonist who is walking down a hotel lobby while his lady love is watching. She notices that he is attracting all kind of female attention, and women in the lobby are all stares for him. She is jealous and taunts the guy, who in turn accuses her of being insecure and possessive.

Now, I asked Db and also a couple of men, if they would enjoy that kind of attention from the female folks. Without exception all men I asked said that yes they would love that kinda attention. One of them going to the extent of saying that that''s the dream of every man. And if the wife/GF is jealous its not his problem and he does not care. Fine...fair enough!!!

Let's now reverse the situation. The woman walks down the lobby and attracts all stares from the male crowd. I am sure she will enjoy the attention too till its healthy and does not turn nasty. But will the man be jealous...YES YES YES!!! possessive...YES YES YES and insecure...mostly that too. And if he is egoistic pig, he'd ask you to dress more conservatively next time. The men kinda agreed to this theory to various degrees and they found that acceptable too.

Then that's not fair. If a woman is jealous, she is possessive and insecure, if a man is jealous he its acceptable and fact of life.

Well now comes the question what would I do if I see Db walking down a lobby and he gets all women staring and drooling at him.
Hmm...I would probably slip my arm into his and walk him off and throw a flying kiss to all the drooling women and say 'See you darlings!!!' and leave them to recover from the shock. *Grin*

The question is what will Db do if the situation is reversed????

Alive and Kicking...

Ahha!!! I am very much alive.
Undeading this blog is taking more effort than I anticipated. I got pulled into many more things.

But I will be back with a vengeance.

Pakka walla promise!!!

Traffic stunt

There are some perks of being on a two wheeler in a jam packed road.
Here is a little stunt I put whilst I was stuck in the Ecospace traffic jam.

I said to my self 'Not bad huh!!!',when I emerged from the traffic to the mouth of the Main Gate. I was almost expecting people to stand up and clap in acknowledgement, but nothing of that sort happened. Other bike wallas were busy trying to follow my stunt and the car wallas were swearing under their breath.

What’s cooking???

Yes, I have been quite irregular to my space…guilty as charged!!!

There have been a lot on my plate off late. 

Work…well!!! Don't get me started on that…let’s just say it pays for the bills and Home Loan EMI’s. But it’s not as bad as it sounds. We have finally got some appreciation from the client as well as higher management. So let’s say all’s well that ends well.

With my current work at office, I have been learning a lot of Frontend development for mobile and tablets, irrespective of the OS. Currently we are targeting a good product, which if done well will give us a lot of recognition. At the same time, I have been on my own developing a couple of applications, some for the web, some for mobiles and some for Android. Now, the point that I am trying to make is, the kinda work that I have done in the last 6 months, I hadn’t done in the last 7 years. I have somehow cultivated the interest of learning more technologies and brig myself up to date. It feels nice…learning and gaining proficiency on not just new technologies, but trying to fine tune my other dormant talents…one of them being painting

My first painting is finally done, and everyone else other than me thinks it has come out nice. May be I expect a little too much out of myself. But as DB rightfully said, I just can’t become a MF Hussain one fine day. So patience is the keyword, and hopefully the next painting will come out better.

Talking of my next painting, I am doing a knife painting this time. This one is the one I really wanna do nicely. It’s a nice colorful and romantic, and I am sure if done well, will look amazing on my new house bedroom wall…when both of them are ready that is.

And talking of my new house, they have postponed the handover date. It was April next and September next it is now. Grrrrrr to that !!!!

Bhai has finally changed his job. His previous job was killing him…I always knew this with these big Indian companies, they pay you peanuts and suck away all the life from you. His new job seems to be nice so far…and he seems to like it too. With these baby steps, I hope rest of his life falls into place one by one. Touchwood!!!

MIL is not keeping well since some time, and sometime last week when I saw her on the Video Chat, I really felt bad and worried for her. The sad part is, we being at our place and they being at theirs, very little can be done about it. That’s the sad price you pay for the money and lifestyle that brings you away from your family.

Well...with that we come to the end of this bulletin. Thanks for listening!!!

Realization @Indore

I would probably never understand, what it is that triggers my thought process. What makes me start wondering about myself or judge myself. Sometimes its when I am alone or disturbed, or when someone points out something about me, or sometimes as trival as a movie or just a song that makes me go on a self evaluation trip.

I am at Indore now...came here on business. Indore stay so far hasn't been a lot of fun. There is some irritationg kinda work, which did not need me travelling across states. I didn't even find the food or shopping part interesting. You could easily get such things and more in Bangalore.
I probably always knew that coming here would not gain me a thing, nor financially, nor personally and niether professionally. But I willing took this leap of faith, hoping that something good might come out of it...I mean professionally. But I was wrong, it has been a royal waste of time, energy and emotions. Away from DB since 3 weeks already, I have come down from being strongest to stronger and then just going strong now. There are two more weeks to go, and I would probably have reached a level where women look like damsels in distress. I regret having taken the decision of coming down here, since I didn't gain a thing and having left all my strength behind. I have realized that its okay if DB is travelling for a couple of months, but I can't stand leaving him alone.

BTW, who was that...one who said all of that is written above. It certainly isn't me, for I belive these couldn't be my words, its just not me... I always believed that I am nothing like normal women who find strength from people around them. I could always manage to find my strength within, then why do I feel so...I have been a fighter so far, so what makes me go weak in my knees. Damn...why???
Does marraige make you weak...but then I have been married for over 4 years now, isn't that too late for this realization. And, I do not think Db is an overprotective husband, he hasn't treated my like a lady anyway...then why is that his absence, rather me leaving him behind bothers me so much.

You know, there was a time I believed in magical love stories...you know the DDLJ kinds. I did belive that it would happen to me some day and I just need to wait for that right time. There were many good opportunities that I denied only because I thought they weren't magical enough. I was waiting for those dry leaves to fly and voilins to play. But I was jerked out of my fantasies, a rude shock which came and I realized that the Cindrella story that we wait for are actually not for real. You can't build a life over them. I consider myself lucky, I saw the magical story, realized it wasn't real and moved on to grab the realities of life.
No regrets, since I believe it has made me a better person, value people in life and not to take them for granted, and of course I think my life couldn't have been better. Whatever...!!!

I can't get down to get all that cheesy...if Db reads this(which he will), he'd probably think I was drunk as hell.

Times have changed, So have I...

On our way back from the Bangalore International Airport earlier this week, we happened to share our taxi with a girl. She was a trainee at Microsoft, headed towards her office at 9.30 pm of that Monday evening. She kinda changed my perspective towards the kids of this generation...who I hitherto believed were reckless, confused and with a devil-may-care kinda attitude written all over their faces. She was someone who takes life so seriously, may be a little more than required...she was so grounded, so real...in short so me.

Memories...I am so amazed by their capability of popping out of no where and take you back...back by may be 7 years(Hell!!! Am I really that old now !!!), when I believed I knew life so well. I believed I knew what I was doing, I believed I could make things happen, give my life whatever direction I wished.

Given a chance, I would like to meet the old me, and could give her a lesson or two on how to relax and let things take their own course. Worrying about them doesn't solve your problems. And yes, I must ask her to make some boyfriends ;)

PS : I am gonna pretend I didn't write the last line if Db happens to read this (which he certainly would)

Ignorance is bliss...

I was never a brand conscious person. I never gave a damn what brand my Tee is, as long as it makes me look and feel good. I never had expensive shoes or bags, always buying these 100 rs footwear from the MG Road and carring a wallet in my back pocket in the name of a purse.

But now I know that there are so many amazing brands in this world, ones that make you look like a Goddess. Ever since I have known them, I keep an eye open to various sales in the city and each of these sales I shop like there is no tomorrow.

In the last couple of months I have bought at least 6 footwear, 3 dresses and 3 handbags to my credit. They make me feel amazing when I wear them, but it pains to see the bank balance sinking down at the cost of the increasing footwer in the shoe rack.

This change was almost sudden on me, when I started following some fashion blogs, and realized that its not mandatory to wear a black foorwear with a black dress, hot pink is not a tacky colour, there are colours beyond VIBGYOR… peach, mauve, teal and pastels also exist.

Now my wardrobe looks incomplete to me because it does not contain a Zara dress nor a Guess bag. Yet being oh-so-middleclass I feel the pinch of guilt. I wish I could get some guilt free money from somewhere and shop to heart’s content. But knowing myself, even if I do get that kinda money I am sure I will buy shares than a French Connection.

Oh I was so much better without knowing there in the world existed do many expensive and exclusive brands. Now I am stuck with a soul that wants to buy great brands, a mind which wants to save up all the money for the house interiors next year, and a hope against hope that somebody gifts them to me for free.

The reality...

During the project meeting :

Manager : Any planned leaves before Jan 13th.
Me : No...nothing planned yet.
Manager : You must have some plans...
Me : No.
Manager : 31st night party maybe...
Me : Thats a weekend.
Manager : Oh okay. Still you must be having some plans. I am assuming two days off for you. So that makes it 15 working days for you.

I come out of the meeting room thinking if I really look like a party animal. The manager didn't allocate leaves for anybody else.

THE REALITY :

Me : Everybody is goin out on Chrismas-New Year week. Why aren't we going anywhere!!
Db : Hmm. Lets plan something.
Starts searching for holidays in makemytrip.com...
Me : How much will that cost?
Db : 30...at least that is.
Me : And where are we with the saving for the new car and the house interiors?
Db : We have hardly got anything.
Me : Lets open that excel sheet and see where we stand with our savings.

After half an hour...
Me : What we can do is call some friends over on the 31st, order some good food and get some drinks. We can play monopoly through the night. Sasta, Sundar and Mazboot...what say!!!

Db nods sleepishly...

Moral of the story : People are not necessarily what they look like.

Happy Diwali !!!

Getting Ready...

Two women in my team are pregnant, so that makes me the only woman in the team who is married and dosen't have babies.
So it was obvious that I would become the soft target of the rest of the women folk around, trying to advice me to start a family before its too late.
Whatever!!!

But this certainly is something I cannot postpone forever. I know Db is still young to be a father, but I am probably very quickly surpassing my age to be a mother(One of the big problems when you marry someone just your age).

But it scares me...

I had kidney stones, and they then said if you have gone through this pain, child birth will be a breeze. I am sure they are kidding me...labour pains can make kidney stones feel like mosquito bites in comparison, I believe.

I have high BP and also breathing problems. So don't think medically its gonna be a cake walk for me either.

And again, I don't see myself being the kind of woman who can't think beyond her baby, I would still have my life, I would still like to give my importance to my carrer, would still think beyond just the well being of the kid.

Basically...not the best mother a child could ask for.

So I do not think I am ready yet, but then are we ever ready for anything at all in life!!!

Tanhayee...

I haven't been too regular offlate...have I!!!
Don't blame me, for I have too many to pass on the blame to.

Not that I am working my ass off, yet I haven't been able to visit my blog very often...Please do not ask me why, don't get me started on that!!!

Well...Db is travelling tomorrow for his away day to Goa. Since its a pleasure tour provided by his employer, spouses are not invited (But of course!!! How can you have pleasure when your spouse is around). Somebody at my office suggested I join him on my expense but I guess the best of the boys also need a break from their wifes once in a while...so be it. Jaa je le apni zindagi...

So its gonna be 'main aur meri tanhayee' for a couple of days.
Not that I mind, I am gonna enjoy my late night movies, my solitude shopping, waking up in the afternoon and lying on the bed all day like a sunbathing crocodile.

I am trying to try to be on diet...

The Silence..

It was during my time in Kolkata when I got addicted to the telivision. I used to stay alone then. While I was working as a trainee in CTS during the day, I was a loner during the evenings and the weekends. I had no roomates and most of my friends were available only on phone. The silence was too much to bear, so I had the telivision running all the time, could be news, music or movies, but it just made some noise and I'd not feel the silence anymore.

Db is not very fond of the TV, in fact it quite irritates him...while I am so used to the TV running all the time. And this is just one of the numerous ways that we are so different from each other.
And last night was one of those rare days that Db had won over me and the TV was off for the whole of the evening. It was quite cold and we had switched off the fans too.

And there was silence.
Somehow the kids in the building were so silent tonight, surprisingly the lift was unused too, no sound of the back gear of cars, no sounds of the ladies fighting in the little slum behind our building. One could hear the grasshoppers crying. Occasionally one of us would speak and we felt the echo in the house. There was a occasional sound made by Db's laptop's keyboard or the aquaguard...and I never kew these sounds could be as loud as it felt tonight. There were just sounds made by the both of us. Seemed like the world has come to an end and we were the only two survivors.

After a long time since I left Kolkata, I felt that killing silence yet again.

What did you do to get your first Android....

I was born this date 28 years ago, and managed to con a gadget freak man to marraige...

Happy birthday to me...

Let go...

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.

Donno who wrote this, but what an absolutely delightful thought.

Life is too short to be anything...but happy.
Probably, some of us think holding on makes us strong...but sometimes it is letting go that makes life a lot easier.

Like Db asked me last night...you must be hating them. It actually did trigger a thought process, do I really hate them!!! HATE is a very strong word, I don't think I hate anybody at all. Rather I have learned to accept people the way they are, because accepting does makes it a hell lot easier for me. A little pretention, a fake smile and a whatever-attitute to when people try to provoke you...a perfect recipe to avoid trouble.

And how some people never cease to irk me...
I donno if counting your miseries is fashionable these days, or self-pity is the 'in' thing (I am pretty alien to fashion anyway)...but why can't people find strength within while they are so-capable of it.

Let go...
I know you are not as helpless as you potray yourself, or probably you are just not aware of it...
Self pity is the worse feeling one could have, more so when you aren't all that pitiful...
Holding grudges doesn't help you, it will only make matters worse...
When you let go of what you are, you become what you might be...
Lastly, You worry me because you are very naive...and worse,you don't know that you are...

As Eli Wallach explained it to Kate Winslet, In movies we have a leading lady and a best friend...you my dear are the leading lady but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.
Applicable to both of us, me thinks. But now its time we start being the leading lady of our own lifes.

Day 21 : Already in a Holiday mood

Such a holiday mood that I am in and also because I stayed quite late at office last night...I almost decided I would not come to office today. But one hit on my conscience by none other than Db and I am here tearing my hair...

Day 19 :

Its going as an unfruitful day...

The servers are down so the testers cant test...
The testers can't test, so no bugs are raised...
No bugs are raised, so I have no work.

**Yawn**

Day 18

3 more days to go before I go home...

Day 17 : On the hunt

Humko toh hamare package ne mara
Technical round mein kya dum tha
Humare kasti wahan doobi
Jahaan paisa kam tha

Written in homage to all those offer letters that I lost because they believed my package was already too high for them to afford me.

Doesn't make sense...

whatever!!

Day 16 : Misplaced Intelligence

Ah I am so heartbroken.

I had reasons to believe that I would put down my papers before I start home on the 21st of this month.
But thats not happening, because I screwed up.
I had this offer from a descent company, though the package was not great but I would sure have loved to be a part of the organization. Even after many negotiations I could not bring them to give me any better pakage. I thought I would probably accept the offer and during my two months of notice period I would try to find a better offer.
But Db encouraged me to take a chance.

I was aware that my rating from the interview panel was quite high. I wrote them a mail stating that I would not be able to accept the offer if they were not willing to increase the pakage. We hoped that would ring a bell for them and they would try to put there best foot forward. It had happened several times in the past and this could have happened again. But it seems it didn't go well with them and the consultant tells me that the offer is withdrawn.
Boo hoo hoo!!!
I guess sometimes we think we are too smart, but people are smarter. I probably shouldn't have tried to use too much of my brains.

But then...lemme look at the better side of it.

I would get to work in the new building of my current employer. We are going to shift there by July and the building seems to be exteremely beautiful.

My salary here is not too bad, and I have managed to build an reputation here...because of which I believe I was given a higher designation during this appraisal cycle.

I can get a car loan from my office, at a nominal interest.

I can finally redeem the money for my french lessons, which otherwise wouldn't have been reimbursed.