SIL's wedding

I am here for my sister-in law's wedding.

DB's extended family never ceases to amaze me, they are way behind when it comes to how far our society has come. They have still a long way to cover. And the worst part is nobody really wants to cover the ground

When I first came here as a bride 7 years ago, things were bad. And nothing's seems to have changed in so many years. As the new age daughter- in-law, I have always stood out like a sore thumb, not the best example they had. I am guessing I am the epitome example of how a daughter- in-law should not be.

Widows are not allowed into most functions. They do not eat any spicy food, no non-veg, they wear no colors and remain secluded. They lead a very sad life, if you ask me. I see them talking about their loss and the life they once had and it makes my heart reach out to them. What is this society that we live in that does not let a woman forget their loss. Why is that we take away their freedom, their choices, their life whilst life is much more and way beyond the man they lost.

We have DB,s grandmother's younger sister who was married at the age of fifteen and divorced at the age of eighteen. She is around eighty and lives alone with no companion and no kids. However she still lives like a married woman and does all rituals for her ex-husband as if she was still married to him. The day I came to this household, she is been excited about getting my sister-in-law married. And when everything got fixed, she had someone on her ex-husband's side dead days before the marriage. According to ancient rules, that makes her unfortunate for a happy occasion and she couldn't attend any of the functions. When I met her she was grief stricken about not being able to attend the event. Who died, who lost and who paid for it. Somebody from his grave, who probably had little or nothing to do with your life gets to rule your happiness. How is that fair????

You are not supposed to come face to face with certain league of people here and for some you are not supposed to touch, and some others you are supposed to touch their feet every now and then. I will never comprehend who and what, how and when...too complicated and too intense.
Now, when one of the people from the 1st two leagues are present, I am not supposed to be in the same room. So what!!! Hello!!! I came to the room first, then you should not come in. But no, when they come I am supposed to leave. Hah!!!
Another day, another example.
Early morning, I came out of my bathroom to find DB's elder brother (cousin). I folded my hands in a Namaste, but he turned around and ignored me. I realized that me being in a maxi offended him. Hello!!! You came to my house early in the morning wearing a shorts and a tee. I didn't cry scandal on the leg show, I understand its the sister's wedding and a lot of work and his need to be comfortable. But I ain't hatching eggs here either, if my wearing a full length maxi which is atlest 2 size bigger offends you...well I have no words for your double standards.
One more
For the sangeet function, I got stuck in the dining area. The living room was full of people from the first and second league. I am not supposed to cross them, so I am stuck. DB had to sneak me out from the back door like a thieve.
Another time they told me its OK and the men would turn their backs at me while I crossed the room. Ah...how big of you!!!

Anyways, it was the sister-in-law's wedding. She was more of a friend to me than the actual relationship we share. Maybe that is why our relationship lasted. At some point we did rub each other the wrong way but we came around. I have never considered myself as an emotional person, yet I did break down at some point when she left the household today...there is no proof though, I expertly avoided the camera.
I hope she stays well. May be at some point I will not approve of her or get jealous, yet I want her to get the best life can give her...I believe I did love her after all.

Want to be taken seriously....are you serious!!!!

I say...
I am woman, hear me roar!!!

Now why would anyone care as long we don't learn to respect ourselves, respect our commitments and respect each other.

I know its a trivial thing, but it affected me.
Women in my office decided to come all traditional dressed up one day. While everyone said yes, there was a lukewarm response that day.
Fine!!!

Another day same story. But some women said they were unhappy about the response. So, some women took initiative to have a desi day the next day...and that day is today.
No body except me, including the leaders in this initiative, has turned up all dolled.
And I had an audit today, the last thing I wanted to do is look unprofessional. Yet I believed, since it was a desi day at office I should be a part of it. And I committed.

Sad it is that we women want to be taken seriously, at work, while making decisions...while all the time we can't seem to respect our own decisions.
How many of us commit to reach at a venue at 5 and reach a good one hour late.
I have heard this from so many women...when a woman says NO its a NO, its not a MAYBE. Are we sure??? Can we blame others not to take our NO very seriously when we have proved time and again that we can't seem to keep our own word.

This a very trivial matter, but it speaks volumes about our attitudes. Out of 25 odd women only 1 kept her word, rest couldn't care less.

Six years of togetherness

6 years ago today, I got married to Db.

Six years, siiix...siiiiiiixxxx. It does not feel that long at all.
We were but kids when we got married, and it feels like growing up together, getting to know each other as we grew and having a hand in bringing up each other. And I must say we have well brought up each other and I am quite proud of what each of us has become and we have managed to build a very healthy relationship.

Many people over the years have told me that I am quite a unique person, that they have never met anyone like me. I do not completely deny that nor do I completely accept it. I know its very easy to appreciate someone like me, like someone like me but its very difficult to live with someone like me. It's no mean task, and I applaud Db for living with me since 6 years and still having his sanity intact.

I was all so lucky to find my match who would accept me just the way I was without changing a ounce of me.

Here's raising a toast to US.
I am lucky to have you the last thing I see in a day and first I see in the morning. '

Eeeshhhh!!! That's a lot of cheese!!!!

Neighbour's envy owner's pride

Lemme cite an example from a book I was reading recently.

There is this main mail protagonist who is walking down a hotel lobby while his lady love is watching. She notices that he is attracting all kind of female attention, and women in the lobby are all stares for him. She is jealous and taunts the guy, who in turn accuses her of being insecure and possessive.

Now, I asked Db and also a couple of men, if they would enjoy that kind of attention from the female folks. Without exception all men I asked said that yes they would love that kinda attention. One of them going to the extent of saying that that''s the dream of every man. And if the wife/GF is jealous its not his problem and he does not care. Fine...fair enough!!!

Let's now reverse the situation. The woman walks down the lobby and attracts all stares from the male crowd. I am sure she will enjoy the attention too till its healthy and does not turn nasty. But will the man be jealous...YES YES YES!!! possessive...YES YES YES and insecure...mostly that too. And if he is egoistic pig, he'd ask you to dress more conservatively next time. The men kinda agreed to this theory to various degrees and they found that acceptable too.

Then that's not fair. If a woman is jealous, she is possessive and insecure, if a man is jealous he its acceptable and fact of life.

Well now comes the question what would I do if I see Db walking down a lobby and he gets all women staring and drooling at him.
Hmm...I would probably slip my arm into his and walk him off and throw a flying kiss to all the drooling women and say 'See you darlings!!!' and leave them to recover from the shock. *Grin*

The question is what will Db do if the situation is reversed????

The Lonely Post

Marriage is a bad thing.

Takes a smart, independent, self sufficient woman and promptly turns her into a damsel in distress. Now, who would have ever imagined that I would fall prey to this.

I have been on my own since I was 16. Hostels and PG's is where I have spent 90% of my life. I recall, that many girls who shared my accommodation, soon felt a need of a boyfriend who can help her run her life. I mean, with additional benefits to both parties, it also helped the girls for their beauty parlor trips, bank jobs, entertainment, gifts that they otherwise wouldn't get for themselves and pampering being a integral part of it. One of the n reasons why I didn't want a man in my life, including the one that nobody asked me is that I didn't need a man to run my life. I was pretty self sufficient and pampering is the last thing I needed.

Then marriage happened.
And mind you Db is not the pampering types, not in the conventional way at least...and I can't thank him enough for that.
Yet, now that he is in US (again!!!), I see myself counting days. Though I must admit that I know how to keep myself busy, I have been reading and painting a lot off late. Yet, when I have my hands off my recreation, I am back to oh-I-am-so-lonely trip.

I need my knight in shining armor who does indeed run my life...in some ways at least. I think I am getting old  now...

HAH!!! I didn't write this...

The Illusion of Equality

I read this quote somewhere
If women aspire to be equal to men, they are not ambitious enough.

I have always been a staunch believer in equality of the sexes. I firmly believe that men and women are equals. Whether at school or workplace, I have always competed with one and all, irrespective of their gender. But this year 2013 has been an eye opener.
I have been jolted out of my illusions and shown me exactly where I belong.

I have always been a very bankable resource all my carrier. And suddenly, I see people losing faith in me, why just others even I seem to have lost faith in myself. Due to the pregnancy gone wrong, I took quite some unplanned leaves, and worse, I again had to take more of the same when I went through the surgery. I almost lost my job because I wasn't a dependable resource any more. And I still feel the heat of the screwed pregnancy every month. A week every month I am unable to give my 100% at work, and this is just the beginning. Soon, I would plan for another pregnancy, I would have the pregnancy period, then maternity leave and eventually the never ending cycle of baby care, picking the kid from day care, school and etc. etc. etc.
The career would have gone for a toss.

Then how are men and women equal !!? How can I have the chance of having a equally flourishing career as a man!
A man can get the best of both, a great career and a grow a family at the same time, a woman can't.
I am not saying that that having a family isn't important, I am just saying that men and women are not equal. Because for a woman to be as equal as a man she has to make sacrifices, not very pleasant ones.

I have a friend, who had a miscarriage this year during her fifth month of pregnancy. She was on a 3 months medical leave. When she joined back she realized that her promotion was shelved because of her absence from work. She was furious, she was adamant that it was harassment.
I differ.
For whatever reason, she was absent from work for 3 months, the previous 5 months she wouldn't have given her 100% because she was carrying. Very obviously, the promotion will  be given to some one who had done great work and not just on seniority basis. So her losing on her promotion is not unfair. If a man would have met with and accident and he'd have been on medical leave for 3 months, the management would have probably done the same to him.
So, I don't blame the management. But can I blame her for her frustration on losing out on her promotion? She lost her baby, and losing out on her career opportunities is adding to her woes.

In my previous project, my manager went through a tough time when one of the key resource went on a unplanned leave for a couple of weeks because it was her early pregnancy period. I have enough example of ladies who have to leave office at square 6 even if lightning strikes, because they have to pick up the baby from the day care.

So who is to blame??? As women employees, we expect to be treated as equals, but very obviously after a certain years women are bound to have these kind of issues. It's not unfair on the part of a manager if he does not treat his women resources as bankable as the men. But then what about us, who'd give us jobs in that case. Are we supposed to stay back home and forget our jobs and careers !!  

A lady in my painting workshop suggested that I better set my expectations straight. She says that after a couple of years your career will go downhill. The sooner you accept it, better for you. If you think you can have the best of both worlds, a great career and a great family, you are in for a shock.
I am afraid, she is right.

No sire...Men and women are definitely not equal...and this realization hurts!!!

Updates

A lot of water has flown under the bridge.

1. Had a miscarriage early this year, technically an ectopic pregnancy (go google it!!!)

2. Took my very first travel abroad, went to Boston on work

3. Came back riding high on success, did some real serious work, suddenly I was a STAR at office.

4. The last miscarriage came back pinching again. We realized the terminated foetus never left us. Had to go through a surgery to finally terminate it.

5. The good run at office backfired. I became a sad victim of politics and almost lost my job. Greater visibility can sometimes become a bad thing. But there was still some luck left for me, so found a new job with a startup company and left the organization with my head held high.

6. The startup company turned out to be a lame duck. Yet again I had some luck left and found a good job within a couple of days. Left the startup within a week of joining and joined my current employer on a higher salary and (hopefully) more stable profile.

7. Completed some really difficult paintings, so I guess I have crossed the next level in the craft.

8. Bhai's marriage is fixed this December. Wishing him all the success.

9. SIL's groom hunt takes off.

10. Finally, bought a vacuum cleaner for the house.

Okay, I added the last one just to round it off to 10. Sue me!!!

The Making of the Master Pieces...

COMING SOON....

Watch this space!!! and this.

Failures Big and Small and More...

My first failure that I remember is in my 4th standard.

I had almost 80% marks and the third rank holder in my class till my last paper of the terminal was out. It was the drawing paper, I had flunked the drawing paper and my overall percentage tumbled down to 70's and I lost my rank in the class that terminal. That for me then was my biggest failure. But when I look back to it today, it seems so trival and I wonder why I had been wasting my tears and boiling my blood over it.

With time, as I grew up my failures grew up with me too. Now I had bigger failures with bigger consequences and each time I thought that was the biggest failure of my life till I found the next one.

Why this now!!!
Because I have failed again.
Something that meant a lot to me, something I saw as a stepping stone to a bright carrier, something I gave my blood,sweat and tears to and something that has been taken away from me by force and worse I don't think I deserved this. I was not wrong, probably just at the wrong place at the wrong time. The issue as I believe has been blown out of proportion and I have been made a scrape goat by people who just needed someone to put all the blame on.

Lessons learnt:
1. Never over commit yourself to things. Nobody cares!!!
2. People on the other side just mean business. They are friendly but not your friends. When there is a choice between I and you people always choose I(obviously) and then they do not think about you. All your good work is conveniently forgotten.
3. Politics is everywhere and its a integral part of any business. Do not take things at face value and do not show all your cards.

Any way, now this qualifies as my biggest failure till date, till I find another one...

Shit is happening!!!

I feel like a pressure cooker tonight.

I always knew the job of a team lead is shit. The team members give you shit, the senior management gives you shit  too.and the clients give you more and more of the same. And you are the one sandwiched on all sides.
But I guess you cant really avoid this stage in your career.
I so hope I survive this, if not come out as a winner.

Phew!!!

End of the Boston trip

Leaving Boston in a couple of hours. It's been a fruitful trip, professionally. If all goes well, which is not going pretty great so far...it would be the best that has happened to my career so far.

I am returning to India, and in the next 30 hours I will be breathing the indian air, with all the dust and pollution that I have been missing on the last couple of weeks. But I so hope I live up to everyone's expectations and the climb up the carrier ladder.

Did do a bit up sight seeing here, not much though. It's less to do with my work pressure and more because I was all on my own here and I didn't fancy going around the city on my own. No shopping either, will catch up on the shopping back in India.

Bonjour Paris

Traveling again...

This time to Boston. My first international travel ever.

I am at the Paris airport now...I have a 8 hours halt here.

The Charles De Gulle International airport is the biggest airport I have seen I'm my life...not that I have seen many.

It's huge and it's beautiful.

I see people of all nationalities here...black, French,Americans...I met one from Somalia also. They are every bit the caricatures as shown in Hollywood and sometimes Bollywood too.

The French are way too stylish, everyone is impeccably dressed in boots and well cut trousers and scarves. And many belong to that 'fashion ki maari' category.

I would reach Boston in in another 10-12 hours mostly.

Will have a lot more to fill up this space in the next few days.

Lesson one: first day at Chennai

The auto wallas in Chennai are bank robbers without a gun.

No matter how great you are at negotiations, you finally have to reply with
' I bow to thee and your might my majestic !!!'

Alive and Kicking...

Ahha!!! I am very much alive.
Undeading this blog is taking more effort than I anticipated. I got pulled into many more things.

But I will be back with a vengeance.

Pakka walla promise!!!

Buddha

Traffic stunt

There are some perks of being on a two wheeler in a jam packed road.
Here is a little stunt I put whilst I was stuck in the Ecospace traffic jam.

I said to my self 'Not bad huh!!!',when I emerged from the traffic to the mouth of the Main Gate. I was almost expecting people to stand up and clap in acknowledgement, but nothing of that sort happened. Other bike wallas were busy trying to follow my stunt and the car wallas were swearing under their breath.

My i10

I got a new car...
Db wanted a black car(I thought that was a depressing color) and I wanted a red(to which he gave me that what-nonsense look), so we decided mid way, to get a grey car.

 Its supposed to be meant for me, once get a polished hands on driving that is.
Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Would I???

I have finally completed the android app that I was working on.
Though its not exactly the same idea that I had when I started, yet it has come up to a real good shape.(Pats own back!!!)

Yet there is another challenge.
To post the application to the Android Market(now called Google Play), I need 25$ for the registration. So, I am still in the dilemma as to whether I should spend that amount for the Android registration.

The question is..would I give half the amount of thought if I were to buy a dress or jeans of the same price.

What do you think???

My first knife painting

Keeping the same tradition, I am going to post the progress here and the final copy of the painting on my painting blog.

 Day 1:

 Day 2:

 

Day 3:

Day 4:

Day 5:

And Finally : mon chef-d'œuvre

What’s cooking???

Yes, I have been quite irregular to my space…guilty as charged!!!

There have been a lot on my plate off late. 

Work…well!!! Don't get me started on that…let’s just say it pays for the bills and Home Loan EMI’s. But it’s not as bad as it sounds. We have finally got some appreciation from the client as well as higher management. So let’s say all’s well that ends well.

With my current work at office, I have been learning a lot of Frontend development for mobile and tablets, irrespective of the OS. Currently we are targeting a good product, which if done well will give us a lot of recognition. At the same time, I have been on my own developing a couple of applications, some for the web, some for mobiles and some for Android. Now, the point that I am trying to make is, the kinda work that I have done in the last 6 months, I hadn’t done in the last 7 years. I have somehow cultivated the interest of learning more technologies and brig myself up to date. It feels nice…learning and gaining proficiency on not just new technologies, but trying to fine tune my other dormant talents…one of them being painting

My first painting is finally done, and everyone else other than me thinks it has come out nice. May be I expect a little too much out of myself. But as DB rightfully said, I just can’t become a MF Hussain one fine day. So patience is the keyword, and hopefully the next painting will come out better.

Talking of my next painting, I am doing a knife painting this time. This one is the one I really wanna do nicely. It’s a nice colorful and romantic, and I am sure if done well, will look amazing on my new house bedroom wall…when both of them are ready that is.

And talking of my new house, they have postponed the handover date. It was April next and September next it is now. Grrrrrr to that !!!!

Bhai has finally changed his job. His previous job was killing him…I always knew this with these big Indian companies, they pay you peanuts and suck away all the life from you. His new job seems to be nice so far…and he seems to like it too. With these baby steps, I hope rest of his life falls into place one by one. Touchwood!!!

MIL is not keeping well since some time, and sometime last week when I saw her on the Video Chat, I really felt bad and worried for her. The sad part is, we being at our place and they being at theirs, very little can be done about it. That’s the sad price you pay for the money and lifestyle that brings you away from your family.

Well...with that we come to the end of this bulletin. Thanks for listening!!!