Neighbour's envy owner's pride

Lemme cite an example from a book I was reading recently.

There is this main mail protagonist who is walking down a hotel lobby while his lady love is watching. She notices that he is attracting all kind of female attention, and women in the lobby are all stares for him. She is jealous and taunts the guy, who in turn accuses her of being insecure and possessive.

Now, I asked Db and also a couple of men, if they would enjoy that kind of attention from the female folks. Without exception all men I asked said that yes they would love that kinda attention. One of them going to the extent of saying that that''s the dream of every man. And if the wife/GF is jealous its not his problem and he does not care. Fine...fair enough!!!

Let's now reverse the situation. The woman walks down the lobby and attracts all stares from the male crowd. I am sure she will enjoy the attention too till its healthy and does not turn nasty. But will the man be jealous...YES YES YES!!! possessive...YES YES YES and insecure...mostly that too. And if he is egoistic pig, he'd ask you to dress more conservatively next time. The men kinda agreed to this theory to various degrees and they found that acceptable too.

Then that's not fair. If a woman is jealous, she is possessive and insecure, if a man is jealous he its acceptable and fact of life.

Well now comes the question what would I do if I see Db walking down a lobby and he gets all women staring and drooling at him.
Hmm...I would probably slip my arm into his and walk him off and throw a flying kiss to all the drooling women and say 'See you darlings!!!' and leave them to recover from the shock. *Grin*

The question is what will Db do if the situation is reversed????

The Lonely Post

Marriage is a bad thing.

Takes a smart, independent, self sufficient woman and promptly turns her into a damsel in distress. Now, who would have ever imagined that I would fall prey to this.

I have been on my own since I was 16. Hostels and PG's is where I have spent 90% of my life. I recall, that many girls who shared my accommodation, soon felt a need of a boyfriend who can help her run her life. I mean, with additional benefits to both parties, it also helped the girls for their beauty parlor trips, bank jobs, entertainment, gifts that they otherwise wouldn't get for themselves and pampering being a integral part of it. One of the n reasons why I didn't want a man in my life, including the one that nobody asked me is that I didn't need a man to run my life. I was pretty self sufficient and pampering is the last thing I needed.

Then marriage happened.
And mind you Db is not the pampering types, not in the conventional way at least...and I can't thank him enough for that.
Yet, now that he is in US (again!!!), I see myself counting days. Though I must admit that I know how to keep myself busy, I have been reading and painting a lot off late. Yet, when I have my hands off my recreation, I am back to oh-I-am-so-lonely trip.

I need my knight in shining armor who does indeed run my life...in some ways at least. I think I am getting old  now...

HAH!!! I didn't write this...

The Illusion of Equality

I read this quote somewhere
If women aspire to be equal to men, they are not ambitious enough.

I have always been a staunch believer in equality of the sexes. I firmly believe that men and women are equals. Whether at school or workplace, I have always competed with one and all, irrespective of their gender. But this year 2013 has been an eye opener.
I have been jolted out of my illusions and shown me exactly where I belong.

I have always been a very bankable resource all my carrier. And suddenly, I see people losing faith in me, why just others even I seem to have lost faith in myself. Due to the pregnancy gone wrong, I took quite some unplanned leaves, and worse, I again had to take more of the same when I went through the surgery. I almost lost my job because I wasn't a dependable resource any more. And I still feel the heat of the screwed pregnancy every month. A week every month I am unable to give my 100% at work, and this is just the beginning. Soon, I would plan for another pregnancy, I would have the pregnancy period, then maternity leave and eventually the never ending cycle of baby care, picking the kid from day care, school and etc. etc. etc.
The career would have gone for a toss.

Then how are men and women equal !!? How can I have the chance of having a equally flourishing career as a man!
A man can get the best of both, a great career and a grow a family at the same time, a woman can't.
I am not saying that that having a family isn't important, I am just saying that men and women are not equal. Because for a woman to be as equal as a man she has to make sacrifices, not very pleasant ones.

I have a friend, who had a miscarriage this year during her fifth month of pregnancy. She was on a 3 months medical leave. When she joined back she realized that her promotion was shelved because of her absence from work. She was furious, she was adamant that it was harassment.
I differ.
For whatever reason, she was absent from work for 3 months, the previous 5 months she wouldn't have given her 100% because she was carrying. Very obviously, the promotion will  be given to some one who had done great work and not just on seniority basis. So her losing on her promotion is not unfair. If a man would have met with and accident and he'd have been on medical leave for 3 months, the management would have probably done the same to him.
So, I don't blame the management. But can I blame her for her frustration on losing out on her promotion? She lost her baby, and losing out on her career opportunities is adding to her woes.

In my previous project, my manager went through a tough time when one of the key resource went on a unplanned leave for a couple of weeks because it was her early pregnancy period. I have enough example of ladies who have to leave office at square 6 even if lightning strikes, because they have to pick up the baby from the day care.

So who is to blame??? As women employees, we expect to be treated as equals, but very obviously after a certain years women are bound to have these kind of issues. It's not unfair on the part of a manager if he does not treat his women resources as bankable as the men. But then what about us, who'd give us jobs in that case. Are we supposed to stay back home and forget our jobs and careers !!  

A lady in my painting workshop suggested that I better set my expectations straight. She says that after a couple of years your career will go downhill. The sooner you accept it, better for you. If you think you can have the best of both worlds, a great career and a great family, you are in for a shock.
I am afraid, she is right.

No sire...Men and women are definitely not equal...and this realization hurts!!!

Updates

A lot of water has flown under the bridge.

1. Had a miscarriage early this year, technically an ectopic pregnancy (go google it!!!)

2. Took my very first travel abroad, went to Boston on work

3. Came back riding high on success, did some real serious work, suddenly I was a STAR at office.

4. The last miscarriage came back pinching again. We realized the terminated foetus never left us. Had to go through a surgery to finally terminate it.

5. The good run at office backfired. I became a sad victim of politics and almost lost my job. Greater visibility can sometimes become a bad thing. But there was still some luck left for me, so found a new job with a startup company and left the organization with my head held high.

6. The startup company turned out to be a lame duck. Yet again I had some luck left and found a good job within a couple of days. Left the startup within a week of joining and joined my current employer on a higher salary and (hopefully) more stable profile.

7. Completed some really difficult paintings, so I guess I have crossed the next level in the craft.

8. Bhai's marriage is fixed this December. Wishing him all the success.

9. SIL's groom hunt takes off.

10. Finally, bought a vacuum cleaner for the house.

Okay, I added the last one just to round it off to 10. Sue me!!!

The Making of the Master Pieces...

COMING SOON....

Watch this space!!! and this.

Failures Big and Small and More...

My first failure that I remember is in my 4th standard.

I had almost 80% marks and the third rank holder in my class till my last paper of the terminal was out. It was the drawing paper, I had flunked the drawing paper and my overall percentage tumbled down to 70's and I lost my rank in the class that terminal. That for me then was my biggest failure. But when I look back to it today, it seems so trival and I wonder why I had been wasting my tears and boiling my blood over it.

With time, as I grew up my failures grew up with me too. Now I had bigger failures with bigger consequences and each time I thought that was the biggest failure of my life till I found the next one.

Why this now!!!
Because I have failed again.
Something that meant a lot to me, something I saw as a stepping stone to a bright carrier, something I gave my blood,sweat and tears to and something that has been taken away from me by force and worse I don't think I deserved this. I was not wrong, probably just at the wrong place at the wrong time. The issue as I believe has been blown out of proportion and I have been made a scrape goat by people who just needed someone to put all the blame on.

Lessons learnt:
1. Never over commit yourself to things. Nobody cares!!!
2. People on the other side just mean business. They are friendly but not your friends. When there is a choice between I and you people always choose I(obviously) and then they do not think about you. All your good work is conveniently forgotten.
3. Politics is everywhere and its a integral part of any business. Do not take things at face value and do not show all your cards.

Any way, now this qualifies as my biggest failure till date, till I find another one...

Shit is happening!!!

I feel like a pressure cooker tonight.

I always knew the job of a team lead is shit. The team members give you shit, the senior management gives you shit  too.and the clients give you more and more of the same. And you are the one sandwiched on all sides.
But I guess you cant really avoid this stage in your career.
I so hope I survive this, if not come out as a winner.

Phew!!!

End of the Boston trip

Leaving Boston in a couple of hours. It's been a fruitful trip, professionally. If all goes well, which is not going pretty great so far...it would be the best that has happened to my career so far.

I am returning to India, and in the next 30 hours I will be breathing the indian air, with all the dust and pollution that I have been missing on the last couple of weeks. But I so hope I live up to everyone's expectations and the climb up the carrier ladder.

Did do a bit up sight seeing here, not much though. It's less to do with my work pressure and more because I was all on my own here and I didn't fancy going around the city on my own. No shopping either, will catch up on the shopping back in India.

Bonjour Paris

Traveling again...

This time to Boston. My first international travel ever.

I am at the Paris airport now...I have a 8 hours halt here.

The Charles De Gulle International airport is the biggest airport I have seen I'm my life...not that I have seen many.

It's huge and it's beautiful.

I see people of all nationalities here...black, French,Americans...I met one from Somalia also. They are every bit the caricatures as shown in Hollywood and sometimes Bollywood too.

The French are way too stylish, everyone is impeccably dressed in boots and well cut trousers and scarves. And many belong to that 'fashion ki maari' category.

I would reach Boston in in another 10-12 hours mostly.

Will have a lot more to fill up this space in the next few days.

Lesson one: first day at Chennai

The auto wallas in Chennai are bank robbers without a gun.

No matter how great you are at negotiations, you finally have to reply with
' I bow to thee and your might my majestic !!!'

Alive and Kicking...

Ahha!!! I am very much alive.
Undeading this blog is taking more effort than I anticipated. I got pulled into many more things.

But I will be back with a vengeance.

Pakka walla promise!!!

Buddha

Traffic stunt

There are some perks of being on a two wheeler in a jam packed road.
Here is a little stunt I put whilst I was stuck in the Ecospace traffic jam.

I said to my self 'Not bad huh!!!',when I emerged from the traffic to the mouth of the Main Gate. I was almost expecting people to stand up and clap in acknowledgement, but nothing of that sort happened. Other bike wallas were busy trying to follow my stunt and the car wallas were swearing under their breath.

My i10

I got a new car...
Db wanted a black car(I thought that was a depressing color) and I wanted a red(to which he gave me that what-nonsense look), so we decided mid way, to get a grey car.

 Its supposed to be meant for me, once get a polished hands on driving that is.
Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Would I???

I have finally completed the android app that I was working on.
Though its not exactly the same idea that I had when I started, yet it has come up to a real good shape.(Pats own back!!!)

Yet there is another challenge.
To post the application to the Android Market(now called Google Play), I need 25$ for the registration. So, I am still in the dilemma as to whether I should spend that amount for the Android registration.

The question is..would I give half the amount of thought if I were to buy a dress or jeans of the same price.

What do you think???

My first knife painting

Keeping the same tradition, I am going to post the progress here and the final copy of the painting on my painting blog.

 Day 1:

 Day 2:

 

Day 3:

Day 4:

Day 5:

And Finally : mon chef-d'œuvre

What’s cooking???

Yes, I have been quite irregular to my space…guilty as charged!!!

There have been a lot on my plate off late. 

Work…well!!! Don't get me started on that…let’s just say it pays for the bills and Home Loan EMI’s. But it’s not as bad as it sounds. We have finally got some appreciation from the client as well as higher management. So let’s say all’s well that ends well.

With my current work at office, I have been learning a lot of Frontend development for mobile and tablets, irrespective of the OS. Currently we are targeting a good product, which if done well will give us a lot of recognition. At the same time, I have been on my own developing a couple of applications, some for the web, some for mobiles and some for Android. Now, the point that I am trying to make is, the kinda work that I have done in the last 6 months, I hadn’t done in the last 7 years. I have somehow cultivated the interest of learning more technologies and brig myself up to date. It feels nice…learning and gaining proficiency on not just new technologies, but trying to fine tune my other dormant talents…one of them being painting

My first painting is finally done, and everyone else other than me thinks it has come out nice. May be I expect a little too much out of myself. But as DB rightfully said, I just can’t become a MF Hussain one fine day. So patience is the keyword, and hopefully the next painting will come out better.

Talking of my next painting, I am doing a knife painting this time. This one is the one I really wanna do nicely. It’s a nice colorful and romantic, and I am sure if done well, will look amazing on my new house bedroom wall…when both of them are ready that is.

And talking of my new house, they have postponed the handover date. It was April next and September next it is now. Grrrrrr to that !!!!

Bhai has finally changed his job. His previous job was killing him…I always knew this with these big Indian companies, they pay you peanuts and suck away all the life from you. His new job seems to be nice so far…and he seems to like it too. With these baby steps, I hope rest of his life falls into place one by one. Touchwood!!!

MIL is not keeping well since some time, and sometime last week when I saw her on the Video Chat, I really felt bad and worried for her. The sad part is, we being at our place and they being at theirs, very little can be done about it. That’s the sad price you pay for the money and lifestyle that brings you away from your family.

Well...with that we come to the end of this bulletin. Thanks for listening!!!

Learning to paint

I have always been a jack of all trades and master of none.
And one of my such trades has been trying to try to paint. For my more amateur paintings, my so called art blog could be visited at splash-art.blogspot.com.

But, now I have decided to start painting professionally. Actually this time it has been more than just decide, I have already done four classes. Now, each painting takes 8 classes, and since I go only on weekends, I have been learning for almost a month now.

With this blog I'll be tracking my each day progress and eventually hang my end result on my art blog.

Day 1:

 Day 2:

Day 3:

Day 4:

Day 5:

Day 6:

And Finally :

Just Updates

Its been a week that I am back from Indore.

It was a very draining experience...physically, mentally and emotionally, and I am glad to be back. But even after I am back to Bangalore, there has been immense pressure on the professional front. I badly need a break now.

If not anything else that I got from Indore, I brought this addiction to this new serial on Star Plus...Is Pyar Ko Kya Naam Doon. Much to Db's shock, horror and irritation, I am almost obsessed with this serial.  I have watched some 100 episodes of the serial from YouTube in this week.

Whatever!!! I am dying for a vacation. Is someone listening...!!!

Realization @Indore

I would probably never understand, what it is that triggers my thought process. What makes me start wondering about myself or judge myself. Sometimes its when I am alone or disturbed, or when someone points out something about me, or sometimes as trival as a movie or just a song that makes me go on a self evaluation trip.

I am at Indore now...came here on business. Indore stay so far hasn't been a lot of fun. There is some irritationg kinda work, which did not need me travelling across states. I didn't even find the food or shopping part interesting. You could easily get such things and more in Bangalore.
I probably always knew that coming here would not gain me a thing, nor financially, nor personally and niether professionally. But I willing took this leap of faith, hoping that something good might come out of it...I mean professionally. But I was wrong, it has been a royal waste of time, energy and emotions. Away from DB since 3 weeks already, I have come down from being strongest to stronger and then just going strong now. There are two more weeks to go, and I would probably have reached a level where women look like damsels in distress. I regret having taken the decision of coming down here, since I didn't gain a thing and having left all my strength behind. I have realized that its okay if DB is travelling for a couple of months, but I can't stand leaving him alone.

BTW, who was that...one who said all of that is written above. It certainly isn't me, for I belive these couldn't be my words, its just not me... I always believed that I am nothing like normal women who find strength from people around them. I could always manage to find my strength within, then why do I feel so...I have been a fighter so far, so what makes me go weak in my knees. Damn...why???
Does marraige make you weak...but then I have been married for over 4 years now, isn't that too late for this realization. And, I do not think Db is an overprotective husband, he hasn't treated my like a lady anyway...then why is that his absence, rather me leaving him behind bothers me so much.

You know, there was a time I believed in magical love stories...you know the DDLJ kinds. I did belive that it would happen to me some day and I just need to wait for that right time. There were many good opportunities that I denied only because I thought they weren't magical enough. I was waiting for those dry leaves to fly and voilins to play. But I was jerked out of my fantasies, a rude shock which came and I realized that the Cindrella story that we wait for are actually not for real. You can't build a life over them. I consider myself lucky, I saw the magical story, realized it wasn't real and moved on to grab the realities of life.
No regrets, since I believe it has made me a better person, value people in life and not to take them for granted, and of course I think my life couldn't have been better. Whatever...!!!

I can't get down to get all that cheesy...if Db reads this(which he will), he'd probably think I was drunk as hell.