My i10

I got a new car...
Db wanted a black car(I thought that was a depressing color) and I wanted a red(to which he gave me that what-nonsense look), so we decided mid way, to get a grey car.

 Its supposed to be meant for me, once get a polished hands on driving that is.
Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Would I???

I have finally completed the android app that I was working on.
Though its not exactly the same idea that I had when I started, yet it has come up to a real good shape.(Pats own back!!!)

Yet there is another challenge.
To post the application to the Android Market(now called Google Play), I need 25$ for the registration. So, I am still in the dilemma as to whether I should spend that amount for the Android registration.

The question is..would I give half the amount of thought if I were to buy a dress or jeans of the same price.

What do you think???

My first knife painting

Keeping the same tradition, I am going to post the progress here and the final copy of the painting on my painting blog.

 Day 1:

 Day 2:

 

Day 3:

Day 4:

Day 5:

And Finally : mon chef-d'œuvre

What’s cooking???

Yes, I have been quite irregular to my space…guilty as charged!!!

There have been a lot on my plate off late. 

Work…well!!! Don't get me started on that…let’s just say it pays for the bills and Home Loan EMI’s. But it’s not as bad as it sounds. We have finally got some appreciation from the client as well as higher management. So let’s say all’s well that ends well.

With my current work at office, I have been learning a lot of Frontend development for mobile and tablets, irrespective of the OS. Currently we are targeting a good product, which if done well will give us a lot of recognition. At the same time, I have been on my own developing a couple of applications, some for the web, some for mobiles and some for Android. Now, the point that I am trying to make is, the kinda work that I have done in the last 6 months, I hadn’t done in the last 7 years. I have somehow cultivated the interest of learning more technologies and brig myself up to date. It feels nice…learning and gaining proficiency on not just new technologies, but trying to fine tune my other dormant talents…one of them being painting

My first painting is finally done, and everyone else other than me thinks it has come out nice. May be I expect a little too much out of myself. But as DB rightfully said, I just can’t become a MF Hussain one fine day. So patience is the keyword, and hopefully the next painting will come out better.

Talking of my next painting, I am doing a knife painting this time. This one is the one I really wanna do nicely. It’s a nice colorful and romantic, and I am sure if done well, will look amazing on my new house bedroom wall…when both of them are ready that is.

And talking of my new house, they have postponed the handover date. It was April next and September next it is now. Grrrrrr to that !!!!

Bhai has finally changed his job. His previous job was killing him…I always knew this with these big Indian companies, they pay you peanuts and suck away all the life from you. His new job seems to be nice so far…and he seems to like it too. With these baby steps, I hope rest of his life falls into place one by one. Touchwood!!!

MIL is not keeping well since some time, and sometime last week when I saw her on the Video Chat, I really felt bad and worried for her. The sad part is, we being at our place and they being at theirs, very little can be done about it. That’s the sad price you pay for the money and lifestyle that brings you away from your family.

Well...with that we come to the end of this bulletin. Thanks for listening!!!

Learning to paint

I have always been a jack of all trades and master of none.
And one of my such trades has been trying to try to paint. For my more amateur paintings, my so called art blog could be visited at splash-art.blogspot.com.

But, now I have decided to start painting professionally. Actually this time it has been more than just decide, I have already done four classes. Now, each painting takes 8 classes, and since I go only on weekends, I have been learning for almost a month now.

With this blog I'll be tracking my each day progress and eventually hang my end result on my art blog.

Day 1:

 Day 2:

Day 3:

Day 4:

Day 5:

Day 6:

And Finally :

Just Updates

Its been a week that I am back from Indore.

It was a very draining experience...physically, mentally and emotionally, and I am glad to be back. But even after I am back to Bangalore, there has been immense pressure on the professional front. I badly need a break now.

If not anything else that I got from Indore, I brought this addiction to this new serial on Star Plus...Is Pyar Ko Kya Naam Doon. Much to Db's shock, horror and irritation, I am almost obsessed with this serial.  I have watched some 100 episodes of the serial from YouTube in this week.

Whatever!!! I am dying for a vacation. Is someone listening...!!!

Realization @Indore

I would probably never understand, what it is that triggers my thought process. What makes me start wondering about myself or judge myself. Sometimes its when I am alone or disturbed, or when someone points out something about me, or sometimes as trival as a movie or just a song that makes me go on a self evaluation trip.

I am at Indore now...came here on business. Indore stay so far hasn't been a lot of fun. There is some irritationg kinda work, which did not need me travelling across states. I didn't even find the food or shopping part interesting. You could easily get such things and more in Bangalore.
I probably always knew that coming here would not gain me a thing, nor financially, nor personally and niether professionally. But I willing took this leap of faith, hoping that something good might come out of it...I mean professionally. But I was wrong, it has been a royal waste of time, energy and emotions. Away from DB since 3 weeks already, I have come down from being strongest to stronger and then just going strong now. There are two more weeks to go, and I would probably have reached a level where women look like damsels in distress. I regret having taken the decision of coming down here, since I didn't gain a thing and having left all my strength behind. I have realized that its okay if DB is travelling for a couple of months, but I can't stand leaving him alone.

BTW, who was that...one who said all of that is written above. It certainly isn't me, for I belive these couldn't be my words, its just not me... I always believed that I am nothing like normal women who find strength from people around them. I could always manage to find my strength within, then why do I feel so...I have been a fighter so far, so what makes me go weak in my knees. Damn...why???
Does marraige make you weak...but then I have been married for over 4 years now, isn't that too late for this realization. And, I do not think Db is an overprotective husband, he hasn't treated my like a lady anyway...then why is that his absence, rather me leaving him behind bothers me so much.

You know, there was a time I believed in magical love stories...you know the DDLJ kinds. I did belive that it would happen to me some day and I just need to wait for that right time. There were many good opportunities that I denied only because I thought they weren't magical enough. I was waiting for those dry leaves to fly and voilins to play. But I was jerked out of my fantasies, a rude shock which came and I realized that the Cindrella story that we wait for are actually not for real. You can't build a life over them. I consider myself lucky, I saw the magical story, realized it wasn't real and moved on to grab the realities of life.
No regrets, since I believe it has made me a better person, value people in life and not to take them for granted, and of course I think my life couldn't have been better. Whatever...!!!

I can't get down to get all that cheesy...if Db reads this(which he will), he'd probably think I was drunk as hell.

Its not personal...

You know...too many women, together, can never achieve a goal.
Yes, I say that...being a women myself. That's because I believe that anxiety, jealousy, unnecessary tensions come so naturally to women.

This new team of mine, is 90% women, including the topmost people in the hierarchy. The person I immediately report to is the epitome of the above mentioned attributes.

I am not saying that I am any less women than the others, yet I hate to be a part of dirty politics at office. I more like a healthier professional environment.
I like to keep away from gossiping about other team members, I do not show my jealousy even if I do feel jealous at times, I do get panicked with deadlines but I try to use it in a more constructive way, I like to adhere to the 9 hours at office policy.

But I have just become a part of the same things.
I am one of the very few who spend 9 hours at office, while many including the senior-most ones spend less than 7 hours. So, these days even I try to leave in less than 8 hours...
I vehemently disagreed to a point what my senior was saying, despite of the fact that I knew what she was saying was right. That was only to retaliate to her earlier endeavors to bring me down for no reason in front of more seniors. For a minute, I did forget that its not personal, its only professional. But some people have this capability to bring out the worst in you. I regret it now, that doesn't feel nice...would try to keep my cool next time.

Well I am not complaining, because the place I came from was even worse, way more worse than this. Yet there are times I attack back like a hurt tigress...

Times have changed, So have I...

On our way back from the Bangalore International Airport earlier this week, we happened to share our taxi with a girl. She was a trainee at Microsoft, headed towards her office at 9.30 pm of that Monday evening. She kinda changed my perspective towards the kids of this generation...who I hitherto believed were reckless, confused and with a devil-may-care kinda attitude written all over their faces. She was someone who takes life so seriously, may be a little more than required...she was so grounded, so real...in short so me.

Memories...I am so amazed by their capability of popping out of no where and take you back...back by may be 7 years(Hell!!! Am I really that old now !!!), when I believed I knew life so well. I believed I knew what I was doing, I believed I could make things happen, give my life whatever direction I wished.

Given a chance, I would like to meet the old me, and could give her a lesson or two on how to relax and let things take their own course. Worrying about them doesn't solve your problems. And yes, I must ask her to make some boyfriends ;)

PS : I am gonna pretend I didn't write the last line if Db happens to read this (which he certainly would)

New tales to tell...

New Job...new place...new people.

I kinda like this place.

Its a small place, less than a hundred people. But the office is quite cozy. They have almost unlimited Internet here. There are mostly no restrictions.

The team, while still hiring, as of now are more women. I am almost the youngest here, since all other women except me are mother to at least two kids. So, there is an overall good flexibility in terms of work timings. We are also expecting a work from home facility soon.

I am working for a very reputed client and the work though hasn't started in full swing, prima facie looks quite good. In addition to technologies that I already know, we are learning a couple of new ones. Here is what I made in the 1st week as a part of my learning.

On the flip side, there is a hell lot of visibility here. I am not sure if they appreciate you for good work, but you are sure to get caught if you are not working.

The no. of leave is quite less here and the no. of public holidays are only 8.

And, I hate the Access cards...they look so SARKAARI...

Sad it is, but they are not a complete deal breakers.

I always wanted to be reserve at office, but could never succeed with it. This time it looks possible. Contrary to what I was with my previous organizations, I am easily the least talkative person here. I find it strange at times that I have now become a good listener, while I hear other women talking about their kids, ranting about their in laws and sharing the daily nok-jhoks with their husbands. There are times I see everyone talking and I am just quietly listening. So unlike me !!!

2011 was a lazy year for me. For almost the entire year I had no work. So I have just lost the habit of working. Its a little difficult now to cope up with other hardworking people around. But I believe I should be able to come up to that level, since as of now I enjoy what I am doing, and how I am doing it.

Moving on...

Last day at office.

Too soon…is it not!!!
Actually I quit almost immediately after I joined…5 months to be precise. But without getting into specifics, I hated the project the moment I joined. I hated everything about the project…the work, the processes, the windowless wooden chamber, the no-internet-no-central-AC -no-extension kinda security paranoia…I hated it all. Yet with all my endeavors and some support from others, I managed to get the central AC in the project. But the project left a lot to be desired, since work was utter crap and it didn’t add even a miniscule value to my resume.
I also missed not updating this space quite often because I was denied any internet. It has nothing to do about pursuing my writing skills (or the utter lack of it), I just missed writing to my space.

While serving my notice period in the last month, I have grown a bigger disliking for the company as well, which hitherto I believed to be good barring this one project. A CMM Level 5 company as they call themselves, the processes, the recruiters, the HR are just pathetic…and I am glad that I am leaving.

There have been people here who can’t stop congratulating me on being able to make out of it. This kinda reinforces your belief in your decision, makes you feel yes, I did the right thing. Yet, I didn’t want my release to be as ugly as it has eventually turned out to be.

Yes, I wanted a release from the project, day one I knew this project is gonna screw my career and I did whatever it takes to get the situation favorable to me. But I didn’t wish the managers to have such a tough time. How I wish they had given me a release when I asked for it. It would certainly have been easy on all of us.

Well…I am happy that in this very short span of time I managed to make a lot of good friends. Something makes me feel that my team mates really like me and are gonna miss me for sure. And of course, there have been enough “Thank you’s” coming my way for the AC that I managed to install in the project.

This company sure was a mistake, but I am happy I had the enough courage to correct it. I am sure some people in this company are going to remember me for a long time for all the wrong reasons, and I hope some are going to remember me for the right ones.

I hope to have a long liaison with the company that I am moving on to now.

Ignorance is bliss...

I was never a brand conscious person. I never gave a damn what brand my Tee is, as long as it makes me look and feel good. I never had expensive shoes or bags, always buying these 100 rs footwear from the MG Road and carring a wallet in my back pocket in the name of a purse.

But now I know that there are so many amazing brands in this world, ones that make you look like a Goddess. Ever since I have known them, I keep an eye open to various sales in the city and each of these sales I shop like there is no tomorrow.

In the last couple of months I have bought at least 6 footwear, 3 dresses and 3 handbags to my credit. They make me feel amazing when I wear them, but it pains to see the bank balance sinking down at the cost of the increasing footwer in the shoe rack.

This change was almost sudden on me, when I started following some fashion blogs, and realized that its not mandatory to wear a black foorwear with a black dress, hot pink is not a tacky colour, there are colours beyond VIBGYOR… peach, mauve, teal and pastels also exist.

Now my wardrobe looks incomplete to me because it does not contain a Zara dress nor a Guess bag. Yet being oh-so-middleclass I feel the pinch of guilt. I wish I could get some guilt free money from somewhere and shop to heart’s content. But knowing myself, even if I do get that kinda money I am sure I will buy shares than a French Connection.

Oh I was so much better without knowing there in the world existed do many expensive and exclusive brands. Now I am stuck with a soul that wants to buy great brands, a mind which wants to save up all the money for the house interiors next year, and a hope against hope that somebody gifts them to me for free.

And the cycle continues…

When I look around at people I meet every day, I feel more and more insecure. Why does it seem that everyone other than me has some kinda backup? Either they have a wealthy father, or a wealthy father-in-law or a husband who has a steady money-churning business.

One of my friends bought a 65 lakhs worth apartment recently.

Me : How much was the down payment?
Friend : 22 lakhs.
Me : Oh Damn!! That’s way too much money. How did you manager raise that amount?
Friend : My father gave 5, my Father-in-law gave 15. I paid 2 lakhs.
Me : !!!???

And then again people buy such enormous properties and can still manage to afford a holiday abroad…

The section of the society that consists likes of businessmen, industrialists are the ones with property and bank balances. While the other section which consists of educated, hardworking, 9-5 kinds have only got Mothers.

I am a part of the second section, the largest section of the Indian society…rather any society. The Middle Class. This is the section in which the parents work their ass off to educate their children, so that they can grow up and in turn work their asses off to educate their children who would also end up doing the same. Thus the cycle continues…

Some of them manage to do something different so that the children manage to pass on the other section of the society, thus breaking the cycle. But those kinda balls are rare for a middleclass person who gives utmost importance to security since he doesn’t have a backup plan.

Yet, I do feel the definite urge within me to do something so that my kids do not have to solely depend on the monthly salaries, so that they have a freedom to do something that they enjoy doing and not because it pays the bills.

The reality...

During the project meeting :

Manager : Any planned leaves before Jan 13th.
Me : No...nothing planned yet.
Manager : You must have some plans...
Me : No.
Manager : 31st night party maybe...
Me : Thats a weekend.
Manager : Oh okay. Still you must be having some plans. I am assuming two days off for you. So that makes it 15 working days for you.

I come out of the meeting room thinking if I really look like a party animal. The manager didn't allocate leaves for anybody else.

THE REALITY :

Me : Everybody is goin out on Chrismas-New Year week. Why aren't we going anywhere!!
Db : Hmm. Lets plan something.
Starts searching for holidays in makemytrip.com...
Me : How much will that cost?
Db : 30...at least that is.
Me : And where are we with the saving for the new car and the house interiors?
Db : We have hardly got anything.
Me : Lets open that excel sheet and see where we stand with our savings.

After half an hour...
Me : What we can do is call some friends over on the 31st, order some good food and get some drinks. We can play monopoly through the night. Sasta, Sundar and Mazboot...what say!!!

Db nods sleepishly...

Moral of the story : People are not necessarily what they look like.

Happy Diwali !!!

Saree tales...

It all started when we decided to attend the wedding of one of Db's friend. I think it will be odd to turn up in a salwaar kameez when everybody else would be draped in sarees. Hence has started my saree hunt. Much to the why-do-you-need-to-do-this attitude from Db and to the twinkling eyes of the MIL who believes I do not wear saree enough .

During my numerous visits to my sasural, I have been a lot of times asked to start wearing saree to office once in a while...on the pretext that I should know how to drape sarees and pratice how to carry them all day.

My question is WHY? What's so great about wearing a saree and how does it take anything from anybody who dosen't wear them?
Yes I do like to wear them at times, may be just for a change, yet I do not like it when it comes as an compulsion to me...when I am judged on whether I wear them or not.
I always believed that sarees are so overrated.
I mean salwaar kameezes are supposed to hide more skin than sarees, to some extend wearing a jeans and kurta would also show lesser skin. Yet there is a certain notion that the elder generation has, that we ought to wear sarees to occasions.
The logic that Indian women are supposed to look their best in saree doesn't go down well with me.

I think these things were invented only to add more trouble to the women folk. While saree shows more skin and to add to it is so difficult to carry, yet people insisted women to wear them since they just wanted them to put more effort. Or may be the women in the older generation had nothing else to do in life, so they used to drape sarres and carry them all day just for timepass.
The logic is similar why we women are expected to wear sindoor, mangalsutra, toe rings and bangles to show that we are married, while men have nothing of that sort. How biased is that???

Yet these are things that have been carried since generations, and are difficult to challenge and change.

Getting Ready...

Two women in my team are pregnant, so that makes me the only woman in the team who is married and dosen't have babies.
So it was obvious that I would become the soft target of the rest of the women folk around, trying to advice me to start a family before its too late.
Whatever!!!

But this certainly is something I cannot postpone forever. I know Db is still young to be a father, but I am probably very quickly surpassing my age to be a mother(One of the big problems when you marry someone just your age).

But it scares me...

I had kidney stones, and they then said if you have gone through this pain, child birth will be a breeze. I am sure they are kidding me...labour pains can make kidney stones feel like mosquito bites in comparison, I believe.

I have high BP and also breathing problems. So don't think medically its gonna be a cake walk for me either.

And again, I don't see myself being the kind of woman who can't think beyond her baby, I would still have my life, I would still like to give my importance to my carrer, would still think beyond just the well being of the kid.

Basically...not the best mother a child could ask for.

So I do not think I am ready yet, but then are we ever ready for anything at all in life!!!

Tanhayee...

I haven't been too regular offlate...have I!!!
Don't blame me, for I have too many to pass on the blame to.

Not that I am working my ass off, yet I haven't been able to visit my blog very often...Please do not ask me why, don't get me started on that!!!

Well...Db is travelling tomorrow for his away day to Goa. Since its a pleasure tour provided by his employer, spouses are not invited (But of course!!! How can you have pleasure when your spouse is around). Somebody at my office suggested I join him on my expense but I guess the best of the boys also need a break from their wifes once in a while...so be it. Jaa je le apni zindagi...

So its gonna be 'main aur meri tanhayee' for a couple of days.
Not that I mind, I am gonna enjoy my late night movies, my solitude shopping, waking up in the afternoon and lying on the bed all day like a sunbathing crocodile.

Is divorce the easy way out???

During hostel days, the sunday matrimonial were a great way to have a good time. Most importantly the ads of people wishing to marry the second time or nth time, we used to read and discuss them and laugh about the fact that you find all kinds of people in this world. You do not then understand the pain that those people have gone through...not unless it happens to someone you love so much.

Its difficult and draining when someone in your family is going through marital problems, and there is one in my family who is going through the said problem. Now I understand when people in their second marraige ad would say 'issueless divocee'...now do I understand what you mean by it and may be I should have never laughed over them.

But is divorce the easy option???
I donno.
This generation and most importatly the women in this generation are a group of screwed up maniacs. These are people who probably run after an oasis while losing out on the real pleasures of life. Agreed...for different people, happiness means different things. But what is the happiness worth if you are carrying the curse and tears of so many people including people who brought you into this world. The woman here in question, in her quest of happiness is at the verge of losing everything, her husband, in laws and her own parents too. What kinda happiness does that bring, one which you'd probably celebrate alone without a shoulder from your own family, the so called happiness that you get after ruining the life of another unsuspecting man who had nothing to do with you or your moronic ideologies. Why is this woman being so selfish???

I mean, which couple doesn't have differences, what kinda couple gets along all the time!!! But you have to give it your best shot, you have to have an intention of keeping up and nourishing a relationship and not just walk out at the drop of a hat.
I believe we live to add value...I being alive give happiness to my parents, my husband is happy to have me, my in-laws are hopefully okay with a bahu like me, I have a good going carrer and people happily support me because I am one of the reason for peace and happiness to them...if I am not there tomorrow all these people would miss my presence. But having brought her to this world what did she add, her parents are embarrased to have a daughter like that, she ruined the peace and harmony of my happy family, if she dies tomorrow, to whom will that matter. I for one would sigh peace.

I strongly believe she got a very good family and a great husband, so much so that her own parents to a good extend are supporting us and not her. Unfortunate are the people who do not get good relationships in life, but more more unfortunate are those people who get the right people but they lose them because they take them for granted.

I do not care if she regrets this tomorrow, nor do I care what she does with her life to the extend that I do not care if she lives or dies tomorrow (rather I wish she fails in every walk of her life)...because we have had enough of her already.
I am only concerned about him. Is it easy to nurse the wound given by a two year long bad marraige??? Is the divorce thing easy for men!!!...considering that women have more legal rights than men, and also I am not sure to what extend this woman can stoop down to. Will he ever be able to trust another woman??? For him, being a man all of 29 years, is it easy to remarry and settle down again???

I am trying to try to be on diet...