No title as of now

Its going to be a total random post with no head or tail...you have been warned!!!

I am writing this blog because I have nothing better to do.
Not that I do not have work, I have this screwed up code which I need to fix in the next half an hour, I have this sql query which I need to optimize since it takes ages to just bring up just 500 rows of data. Also, I have this offer letter which I might consider if they 'give me an offer I can't refuse'...but when I said the same to them, they never got back to me...which in words, means TEL LENE JAA!!!
And while I still have to bear my manager's face and my Dad calls me to share his concerns on Bhai's plight and on the other hand talks about his wish of gifting me and Db a 2400 sqft land in Bhubaneswar by taking a loan from his provident fund, I almost feel like booking myself a bed in the Ranchi Mental Hospital ASAP...I belong there.

Here, in this world, things happen too quickly sometimes. And at other times, if feels like Vajpayee spoke at lightning speed as compared to the movement of events in your life.
Things aren't changing for me. They are pretty much the same...same worries, same concerns, same project, same manager and the same code, same husband...ahem...err!!! I mean nothing new in my married life(marriage if not a full stop, a comma it certainly is).
*yawn*

Db says I am a champion in finding reasons to get worried about.
When I am not worrying about my family, my weight, office, cleaning my house and cupboards, chasing off the cockroaches or why we do not have a swimming pool in our apartment among other things, I am can still manage to be worried about why I can't find a title for this post.

When at college, and among the minimal few of the junta who were not-hooked-not-committed, I believed that expecting someone to be with me for life scores a perfect ten on the optimism meter.
Back then, and now I still believe that I am not the girl of his dreams for a man.
Since, I was and still am higher on testosterone and lower on progesterone...and also, I never needed a man in my life just for the heck of it, or because everybody had one.
Guys from college didn't approach me since they loved their life...guys outside college hardly tried, since they believed this option must have been closed by now (I was quite a babe then...WAS, PAST TENSE. I wore a huge cross round my neck, a skull on my index finger and an iron chain round one of my ankles...pretty bold going by Oriya standards. Db would have fainted if he would have managed to get a glimpse of me then).

I believe there are three kinda girls. One, you fall for on the first sight, second kinds are the ones who grow on you slowly and third a the kinds you wouldn't like to touch with a barge pole. I belong to the third category.

I seriously think, Db deserves some gallantry award for jhelofying me for almost two years now and more so considering the anticipation for the coming years...

I donno what I am writing. My thought process is going haywire because I am what...yes, that's right, worried.
If you have reached this far you are either as vella as me, or a very brave reader.
In either of the case, Thanks for hearing me out (I am choking).

So here comes the first offer!!!

So here it is.
After appearing for some 4-5 interviews I have finally, DRUMS ROLL PLEASE, managed to pull an offer from the Societe Generale Global Solutions Center.

But true to my Gemini self, I am darned confused.
I wanted to switch from my current employer, since I wanted a job which doesn't have such stringent policies, next to impossible goal sheets for the appraisal process, gives me an option for work from home and last but not the least, a dhin chak package.
With this new offer, I have got nothing matching my needs, except for a better package.
And, they want me to join in a months time.
I am in a fix. :(
Okay...did I forget to mention my manager, my blood pressure shoots up every time I see his face.

I know I hate my manager so much that I can put down my papers right now just to get back at him.
I can already visualize when I barge into his cabin and say "The words".

I would like to quit my job. So I would like to start the 1 month notice period starting today, and since I have 20 days of earned leaves left, I would like them to be adjusted to my notice period. In short, I am leaving in 2 weeks time...

There is this pregnant silence when we both look into each others eye and neither of us know what to say (does it sound romantic???). Also, I imagine myself ducking behind the chair, just missing the file hurled at me.

But Alas!!! This is just going to be a figment of my imagination as of now...since I do no hate him as much as I love my career. I hope this offer was exciting enough to make my imaginations to reality, I would have loved to see the expression on my managers face when I broke the news to him.
But alas this sadist pleasure has to wait as of now.

I am happy with the offer letter though. I can certainly do with some confidence of having an offer letter from a leading banking firm.
Hope some good offers come my way soon.

Happy Deepawali!!!

On this festival of light as I crib about my job(as usual) and personal life, soon after I gave another shot to set things rolling for Bhai, mere hours after I screwed up my interview with ArisGlobal and just minutes before my first telephonic round with Accenture is scheduled...I am here lighting up my life with this ray of hope with a belief.
A belief that this day is gonna finally light up our life and bring an end to all our worries, I believe that yes, everything is gonna be all right soon.
Yes, this belief gets me going now. I am positive and will ever remain so, till things turn to our favor.
So, here's lighting this little light up, believing this light will chase away the darkness in our life's and bring a new dawn where things are better if not rosier.

Hope this day lights up your life too...Happy Deepawali to all!!!

Do I think like a man???

Many a times I do feel that I think more like a man than a woman.
I look at Lara Dutta sizzling on screen in Blue, and I go 'Man she is hot!!!' more than I do the same for John showing his butt in Dostana. When we are roaming around Church Street on one of the evenings on a weekend, I scream more than Db when I see a babe around, 'Dekho...Babe hai yaar!!!'.

Lemme give a few more examples in chronological order...

A few months ago...at the cafeteria...
Nam : Did you notice that new trainee. Guess what!!! I have noticed her working out a the office gym almost everyday. No wonder she has such awesome figure.
Me : Yeah.
Nams (still envying her figure) : Look...not a single inch of fat anywhere. She would look awesome in a saree don't you think???
Me : I think she would look greater in a two piece bikini...why saree, which covers all of what its worth!!!
Nams : !!!????

Another time, we were three of us having our evening coffee at the cafeteria. We were talking about how sad it feels to see these little girls pregnant and working late hours at office.
Bh : This girl in the other project, I am sure she is gonna have a baby boy.
Nam : What makes you think so??
Bh : I believe if you have a baby boy in there, the tummy is more pointed.
Me: This can surely go as the weirdest of all your weird logics you ever gave. The baby boy certainly can't have his genitals so prominent to make the tummy look pointed.
Nams : What!!! That's so dirty...how could this even occur to you!!!
What else then????

Just yesterday I talking to my colleague, she happened to mention this reality show on NDTV Imagine...Pati Patni aur Woh.
Yeah, I said. I changed upon one of the episodes once when I was switching channels. Rakhi Sawant was carrying this little kid while showing her assets generously to the camera and to the baby. This kid must have found this one good chance to dance on, he started hitting her right on her boobs with his little hands. I was wondering what would the real father to the baby (I believe, these kids are rented from their parents) be thinking behind the screen, 'lucky chap!!! wish they rented fathers and not their babies'.
Nams :I don't believe this...You have a mind dirtier than most men.
Do I??? I thought this has to be the most common observation by anybody...irrespective of whether he is a man or woman.

So the bottom line is, I am starting to wonder if my mind actually works like a man.

Update 23rd Nov 2009
I did it again.
The topic of discussion was how this generation is commitment phobic and conveniently shies away from responsibilities. While few of us managed to get into the commitment of marriage, we shy away from the responsibility of having babies.
Now, this friend of mine is keen on having babies and her husband is not ready to carry the burden of kids. While she meant she is trying too hard to convince her husband for a baby, and her husband is putting equal effort to convince her otherwise, she put it into words, such
'We are trying too hard to have babies'
Later I queried Nam...How hard are they trying, every hour???ROFL
Nam : Torn between grin and disgust.

My interview with TM

I am not keen on joining Tech Mahindra.
For reasons similar to why I want to leave my current employer. Its also a company less like a work place and more like a jail. In the name of security, they believe in the concept of maximum inconvenience to employees.
I wanna work some where, where I don't have to think twice on what I can or cannot wear to office, where the company doesn't treat you like charity.

Yes, I still appeared for it just to gain some expertise, to get some confidence to face interviews.

The interview was okay. I mean I answered almost all questions to the first interviewer. He was mostly asking on things that we practically work on. So, it went quite well.
The second guy obviously wanted me to read some books before I appear the interview. He asked me all bookish questions, which cannot determine if you have actually worked on the technology. Any person who has done a google on 'java interview questions', 'hibernate interview questions' and 'spring interview questions' can answer a lot better than me. If that's the kinda people you want in your project...great...good luck to you!!

So, basically I am sure the first guy will say I was good and the second one will say I was not...
But anyways it doesn't matter since I am not planning to join there. But I can do with the confidence boost that a offer letter in hand could get me. Lets see...

Well I have one more interview with arisglobal day after tomorrow. This one sounds good to me...but I am sure it would e equally tough. I hope I get through this one.

A Weird Dream

I had a weird dream last night.
I wasn't keeping very well when I crashed on my bed, and instead of sleeping like a log, which I usually do, I kept waking up each half an hour (when I would cough), giving way to a new weird dream one after another. But I generally tend to forget my dreams as soon as I wake up, so I remember just one, which I narrated to Db as soon as I got up.

I saw myself and Db sipping coffee at our balcony, and I noticed this friend of mine on the apartment rooftop. This friend was Mani, a guy who I was friends with during my school days and I am not in touch with him since last 10 years or so, he happens to be in my Orkut friends list but, mostly idle and I have no clues where he is and whats up with him...so in short I am darned surprised what was he doing in my dream.
Okay...back to my dream. I saw him on the rooftop with a girl dancing to the tunes of Ek aankh marron to (the famous number with Jeetendra and Sridevi from the movie Tohfa). BTW did I ever tell you that for a really long time, till my second year in college, I believed that couples actually dance on their dates as shown in our Bollywood movies. So that was excatly what he was doing...dancing with his girl on a date.

Me : Kya Mani, Dance maar raha hai???
Mani : Yep. Ladki ke liye kya kya karna padta hai...
Me : So, is that your gf or your wife??? (I have no idea if he has either)
Mani : Wife hai yaar!!!
Me :Oh great!!! Why don't you guys come over for a cup of coffee
Mani : No yaar we'll have it at home.

And he disappears with his wife.
I open my main door to see them entering their house, which happens to be just infront of mine. I call him again
Me : Sure you don't wanna come down for coffee.
Mani : No yaar!!! Don't bother. We'll make it here.
Me : Sure!!!
Mani: Yep.

And I shut my door.
Soon, my call bell buzzes. I open the door to Mani.
Mani : Hey...would you mind borrowing me some sugar?
Me : Oh not a problem.
I take his bowl and move towards my kitchen. Then realization strikes, and move back to the door.
Me : Fuck the sugar. Come and have coffee with us...
Mani tries to move his head in negation.
Me : No arguments.
Mani : Okay then, I 'll just be back.

He disappears again to return with his wife and two cups.
Me : Now what's that for???
Mani : I thought you wouldn't have extra cups.
Me : (Insult!!!) By chance you know, I do. So just come on in.

He follows me to the kitchen...and here's the shock. The kitchen floor and walls are full of dead cockroaches. The corpses are sticking on to the walls, floor and the windows...lakhs and lakhs of them (I swear on God, I do not have so many cockroaches in my house). I find the last night's remaining curry on the gas stove, which I forgot to keep in the fridge. The cockroach corpse queue seems to have originated from there.
Mani is scandalized.

Mani : Now what's that???
Me : Donno. Looks like they tasted the last night's curry.
Mani : !!^&@*!& I want no coffee!!!
Me : Okay...how about the sugar???
But he had already disappeared with his wife.
Now, that's about it.

It was 9 in the morning now, and Db and myself were getting ready for office. I was starting early today since I planned to see a doctor. So Db went to the kitchen to prepare tea while I was getting ready.
Db : Hey...looks like you forgot to keep the last night's remaining curry into the fridge. It still lying on the gas.
I rushed to the kitchen...looked around the walls and floor. So sign of cockroaches, dead or alive.
I gave a sigh of relief.

Success And Failure

While searching for a number from my phone today, I came across this number of a school friend sleeping idle in my contact list. She is old friend of mine, and a very good friend she was.
She stayed in the same colony, her gate just infront of mine...and we were class mates at school. We were both from middle class families, but hers was a little poorer than ours I believe, due to her mother's illness. I would share my books with her, so that she wouldn't have to buy them...I would give her my notes since she wouldn't have time to make any due to her household responsibilities, we would help each other in every possible way...and that made us very thick friends. I was a better scorer among the two, but she wasn't too far behind...and somehow that didn't matter to both of us.

The trouble in paradise came when we both passed out from school. I kept moving steadily towards my goals and she got left behind due to her family responsibilities. I wouldn't also blame her family for everything, since they made sure she got the best school and tutions, but may be she herself lost her focus...I donno. Eventually I landed up for engineering and she went for a normal graduation, since her ranks were not good enough in the engineering entrance. That pushed her down her edge of jealousy(I guess) and she made it very clear to me, and eventually stopped speaking to me after that. Soon we moved to another house far from hers...I tried to make it up with her before I leave, but she wouldn't speak to me.

During my holidays, when I came home, I came across that she has been spreading horrible things about me among our school friends. When we met during the school get together, she tried speaking to me...but I gave her a piece of my mind. I told her, I wouldn't like to speak to her since she is not the friend anymore whom I loved and cherished. She stood speechless while I left.
I never heard from her after that...

I came across her again though common friends on Orkut a few months back. She didn't send me a friend's request nor did I send her one. But from friends, I got to know that her father is retired now, and both her parents are not keeping well, her brothers are now late 30's but not married, she is now working as a nursery school teacher at Rourkela and not married yet(she was two years elder to me though we were in the same class), since she didn't want to get married till one of her brother's get married and get somebody to take care of her parents. I saw her pics on Orkut, she looks terribly frustrated, lost a lot of weight and her face also looks tired and drained out.
I felt as bad for her as then when we were at school. I felt like time as gone back to those days, when she would cry in front of me for her mother's illness or her brother's callousness...and I wished she did the same now and I could help her the same way I did earlier.

I arranged for her mobile number from a friend...but never called her. Many a times, I contemplated calling her, but discarded the idea...what if my genuine words of concern sound sarcastic to her, what if instead of helping her I make her feel more terrible,what if the fact that I am more successful than her reminds her of her failures.
I decided to keep track of her from friends, and make sure I call her once she is settled, or doing better than now...but soon enough I got busy with my life and lost track of her again.

Now I am not sure, if what I had heard true or not, whether she really was spreading things about me...I regret I didn't give her a chance to defend herself...may be it was wrong on my part to go and blast on her without getting to know her side of the story. May be even I was feeling superior at that point of time because I was doing better than her.
I see her number in my phone directory now, I think its time I call her. But I am still fighting the thought.

This weekend is getting boring...

While I am down with a sore throat, this long weekend is not going half as good as planned. Yesterday I couldn't even manage to step out of house. Planning to go out in sometime to buy a pair of shoes for Db...which he can't do without anymore. Also planning to go out to check out the Dusherra celebration in and around Kormanagala.
Among all this, one good news that the weekend got me was a bright ray of hope that came from my Delhi trip...hope things start rolling soon.

The Delhi aftermath

I have a sore throat ever since I came back from Delhi...and running a fever since last two days.
Yesterday I reached office and left in half an hour since I couldn't stand the AC. A day's rest can do wonders to you. The fever is mostly gone but my throat continues the harassment.

We spent almost a good 30K on the trip...but the kinda experience I got from it is worth millions.

I am happy I got to see the real persona of people which they hide under their designer clothes, make up or the constant 'hey' 'oops' 'yeah' and 'man'. Within they are people who can stoop so low that leave you with a gaping mouth. Ever since our return Db is full of appreciations for me, believing that he is lucky to have me...but of course.

I am disappointed to see this generation being so irresponsible and callous towards their carrier and family. Also I must say they are way smarter than what we were at their age. They lie with such a straight face, have no signs of regret whatsoever. I wonder what makes them such, since I believe all generations have their share of temptations. May be easy access to things (bikes, mobiles, internet, laptops), may be the feeling that everything will be taken care of, or the Oh-I-am-so-cool attitude, or mere overconfidence. I donno.

I do not have a problem with the choices they make in life, since I have always believed that they are all adults and smart enough to make their decisions, but they should also have the guts to face the consequences...which they clearly don't have.

I am so awfully disappointed.
Yes!!! its now that I eventually realize that I am way more matured than any of those people who I thought were. I look at them and feel proud of what I was then and what I am now.

Back from Delhi

I am back from Delhi since last night.
We started from Delhi around 9 in the night, when we were still sweating in the heat, and 3 hours later when we landed at Bangalore International airport, it felt like we were back from hell, to land in heaven. I wonder why people like to stay in Delhi, considering that it's awfully hot, everything is just too far and pollution is horrible.

Well...to start with good news, I did a lot of shopping and more so since most of things I got, I got them dirt cheap. I got my hands on some awesome parathas...and the best part, I got to meet Db's college friends, which was FUN...and also I was able to address some of the issues that I had gone to help out for.

And...some bad ones.

I had this friend of mine from school. She would tell me that friends who would say only things that I would like to hear are not true. She would correct me when I was wrong, tell me things that she wouldn't like about me and things she would believe that I was doing wrong. And I believe that makes your relationship stronger and more dependable.
But I witnessed it myself that people only want those kind of relationships in their life who tell them things which are music to their ears. The moment you say things which doesn't sound flattering, they turn you into villains instantly.
I wonder these people who are educated, so-called civilized, wear such designer clothes, work in huge offices, are in fact so cheap within. They could talk high about table manners while dining at the most expensive restaurant in the city, but back home they are such cheap filthy people who are worse than the house maid that works for a menial wage.
Yes, it was someone in my family, whom I intended to help sail through turbulent times, but she was adverse to any kinda criticism, and wished to hear it wasn't her fault at all. And here I return with my own hands burnt in the fire I wished to put out...and a relationship lost.

Also,
Youngsters, these days...irresponsible is the word that comes to my mind.
There are temptations at all ages, at all times. We had our share of temptations during our graduation days as well. But I think youngsters were more responsible then...or lemme say...there were more youngsters who were responsible then, a number which has reduced drastically over the years.
My gang at college was richi-rich. People who had a lot of money to spare on worldly pleasures, an option I never had since my Dad is just a government employee. I would get 1500 rs a month, and made it a point to never ask for more. I would target to save at least 150-200 rs every month so that by the end of a few months I could buy nice T-shirts to match my other friends.
Yes, there were other easy options. A convent educated girl from Rourkela has plenty of options in college. People would race to make her their girlfriend, since she is a feather in their cap. It wasn't a big deal. And then, all your expenses are taken care of...and there were people who would do it for the easy life that it brings along.
But on the flip side, I knew the kind of money, effort and sacrifices that my family was going through, to have me get the degree at the end of four years, I knew the consequences of being caught since my Dad was a pretty well-known person in Bhubaneswar, I had an idea of the kind of complications that this relationship would bring on me and my family later...and I went on to become one of the very few people who passed out from college with pretty decent marks + a job + single status - complications + proud parents...a great combination I must say.
But this is a very selfish and irresponsible generation...and I am really disappointed with all the youngsters that I have come across.
Decieving parents for just like that, irresponsible to the core where money is concerned, giving absolutely no value to the trust that parents place on them, lying on the drop of a hat...I am terribly disappointed.

When asked, Db's friend Nehru said that he prefers getting a pet dog than raising kids, at least he wouldn't bring as many problems along. Well!!! I am giving it a thought, I already have a handful.

Prelude to my thoughts before I start for Delhi

I am early to office today. Not because I didn't have much to do at home or more to do at office. I came early because I am leaving early today for the flight to Delhi this evening.

Now, there is this is a weird feeling...
May be it's because its a long time since I have been ever early to office...
Or may be since I am traveling after a really long time, other than my parents or in-laws place...
Or may be because I am excited about Delhi, or may be I am not...I am not sure what am I gonna do or say there that would help someway.
I feel like this damsel in distress who is too weak to change things...and I hate to be so.

As a kid I believed that my Dad had a magic wand. He was able to handle the toughest situations in the most graceful way. Things which would look so very impossible to us, just when we would lose hope and give up on it, he would get it done. I didn't know this word then...JUGAD, but back then I thought he had a magic wand which he would use to solve all problems. (But he is getting old now, or may be the power of the magic wand has fallen short to the rising inflation...his magic though still working would not be able to hold too long.)

Obviously I wanted my husband to be the same...dependable.
But when I actually started looking out for prospective grooms, somewhere I missed this criterion. It was my mistake...I would compare every guy with my EX, a superfit football player, with a great dressing sense and lot of Dollars...but he was not dependable, of course. Well!!! I was quite young then to realize that...and I believe things are much rosy the first time.
But that I realize now that everything else aside, if your man isn't dependable, your life gets hell. It's very important that your man stands by you when you need him the most. And my life is easier because I have just the man I need. I wouldn't have been able to go through this if Db hadn't been understanding enough.

I had this friend of mine, who believed that it takes as less as a day for a person to change.
'People change like this' she would snap her fingers...

I did never find it true...I never changed in the last 26 years. Yes, I wish today some people would change...and some never do. And the second one is Db.

Missed on my CHOTA FHORTCUT

To quote Shahid Kapoor in Kaminey
"There are just two ways to success...FHORTCUT and CHOTA FHORTCUT"
I missed on my CHOTA FHORTCUT this weekend.

My frustration with my current employer is a known fact to my readers (anybody there btw???). But I wasn't ready for a change yet, it needs a lot of preparation before I actually jump to the pool. But I chanced on this requirement on Accent(Times Of India) for a walk-in for HP. I might give it a try I thought.But I wasn't ready. So be it...lets just find out where I stand.
Last Saturday, just when I was about to start, Db gave me this wonderful news that this drive was actually only for women who had 4-8 years of experience. Bingo!!! that's my CHOTA FHORTCUT. Since I believe women between 4-8 years of experience would be quite less in number, most of them looking for jobs after a break due to marriage or kids, mostly Aunties. So I stand a good chance since there would be hardly a 100 people. Ah!!! I wish I was a little prepared...but still there is a fairly good chance.

And I was right. There were maximum 70-80 people who turned up, most of them were Aunties who wanted to resume their careers after a break.
I had reached there by 10 am, but I was kept waiting till almost 3pm...while people who came after me had already finished and left. After continuous inquiry, it turned out that they had lost my resume.
Finally, my turn came around 3, after I gave them another copy of my resume. My tech round was quite good. I wonder, if I am actually good at my concepts or like the lucky JAMAL in Slumdog Millionaire, I was destined to be asked only those questions for whom I knew the answers...except one. For that one question caused all the unpleasant trouble. The interviewer was one lady (who had enough facial hair to be called a man, and looking at her face actually distracted me), she asked me to write a program. I used a logic which she wasn't expecting, I tried convincing her that it would give the same result and she looked convinced...at least that what I thought.
I was selected in the Tech round, and proceeded for the Managerial round...which again went very well and I was passed on to the HR for the rest of the formalities. By the time it was 5.30 pm, and I was the only person left. The HR lady approached me, and we started the discussion, if I was ready to relocate to Chennai and my current package etc. It was unbelievable, I could resign on the next Monday...I had already started to imagine my manager's expression when I would tell him that I quit. Yeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Just then a man approached us, to say that he had some technical questions for me. But I already finished that round, but he insisted on one. And before I could even understand what was going on, the HR was gone and he was seated across the table taking another technical interview.
My mind went numb...so am I not resigning this Monday!!! He asked me a few questions and I could realize that I was too tired to think. He asked me to explain the same program which I had written for the other lady...he said the results would be the same but the performance would be bad...Ohh!!!...so I might have to bear my manager for some while now. He looked angry for some reason, he was hell bent to prove I wasn't good enough. I answered most of his questions, but each time he gave me the expression like he was sitting next to an idiot of the first order. What is he so mad about???...I still donno.

It was over...he asked me to leave.

I knew this was not right. It was less of a technical test and more of stress test. If I wasn't good enough they could have rejected me in the 1st round itself...or are the interviewers not good enough to judge people. Who makes them sit in the panel if they can't judge if the candidate is good. I wanted to turn back and give a piece of my mind to the HR, I had nothing to lose...but I felt tired and humiliated.
It was like smelling me the chocolate and taking it back.
This was my CHOTA FHORTCUT, and I just missed it by a thin line.
I wish I would have said "No...I donno how to do it" for that piece of code. I knew I would still have been selected, the rest of the interview was good. If not I wouldn't hurt so much, since I knew I wasn't prepared.

No worries...I know I am good at my work and there are sure better places to work, and bigger problems in life to worry about.
Like my Delhi trip this weekend, which is neither for MY business nor pleasure. Its more to try to straighten things for people who are family and who refuse to help themselves and have become the cause of worries for the rest of the family.
God help me help them...Amen to that.

Ah!!! Problems...do they have a tail???

The Tide

I am on a lot of caffeine now, empty stomach, a severe headache, with some moronic stuff to be completed while all I want to do now is to slip off home.
FUCK IT... I'M FRUSTRATED AND I REALLY NEED TO PUSH THOUGHT IT!!!

There is an underlying truth to frustration...there is something that seems wrong...something that you are driven nuts about because it is NOT happening, or IS happening...and you can do nothing about it while you can't also bear the pain of being a silent spectator and watch while the drama unfolds itself.

Why is it so difficult for some people to accept their failures gracefully? Why is ego so important? Why is it so important to be like somebody else? Why can't people look within themselves to find the happiness that they are actually looking for from other people?
Why is changing oneself so difficult? Are we locked into our persona...so much so that we can never break free from it and change ourselves.
Can we not realize that the glorified picture we have of ourselves is not correct, and instead of waiting around for things to change, we change nothing, that's foolish.

I am helpless, feeling like a loser that I can't help my own people, people who are all I have. I clearly see what's going wrong and who's going wrong...but I can hardly do anything about it. People who I love, who I care for, are in so much pain...it hurts. And I am not helping, I can''t.

Awhhh!!!...Honestly, it's one of those days that I could just scream...

My colleague was complaining me today that she has spotted this new guy in our team staring at her boobs. Needless to say she was very irritated with this regular practice of his, so much so that she now avoids meeting him and discuss work with him.

Accepted that men are programmed that way...but there has to be some decency at office.
Now, I remember the bollywood movies in the 80's would have the heroines with huge boobs and God knows what made them think that they ought to look conical in shape (and don't get me started of the kind of dresses that would had the boobs in a different and darker shade). Basically those are the kind of boobs that catch attention.
But this colleague of mine who is hardly 5 feet tall and looks more like a school girl who has lost her way and landed up at a office, and hardly any noticeable assets is quite not something to be stared at...unless the guy has challenged himself to check out her assets to find if she has any at all!!! Okay that was a PJ...at least that's what she told when I said the same thing to her.

Ok now...don't feel bad...I tell her. If you really wanna do something about it, stare at his crotch whenever he stares at your boobs (at least we used to do the same when at college...but well yes...office is different), still worse...raise an incident with the HR. And if nothing else we will screw up his appraisal for this.

WTF!!!

Finding a blog name for Db

Db wanted to start a blog for himself, not that he doesn't have one. But its not been put to good use...which he intends to now. So it was like turning a new leaf with a brand new blog name.

So we started looking for a good blog title for him.
We started with more relevant names like mydailybites, randommusings...and more, which were all taken.
Next he started playing with titles like jorukagulam, thehenpeckedhusband, mujhemeribiwisebachao...only to find that there were people who had already gone through the same misery long before Db realized his state...heh. After an year of marriage, what else is a blog good for if you cant pen your rants on your wife.
Lastly, we even tried all dirty slangs like sa*le, ter*maki, kuttakamina, bewda (and more which I have censored keeping in mind that my SIL has started reading my blog), but no luck.
And finally we tried, allcoolblogtitlesaretaken, cantfindatitle, cantfindanything and those was taken too. I totally sympathize with these guys, having realized what we went through to find a blog title for Db.

If you are still reading on and expecting that I am gonna pass on a link to Db's blog from mine, huh!!! forget it.
After 3 years of blogging and investing so much time, energy, imagination and internet bills on glorifying myself on my blog, you think I am gonna pass on my readers(hardly any though...sob) to read his blog and throw all my efforts to the drains.
Nopes!!!

The price of trusting a girl and her plans...

I had been so tired of saying alone this weekend. So I invited one of my friend home this Saturday. What I conveniently ignored is never to bank on a girls punctuality, her plans and her moods.

So, taking all at her face value, I was waiting for her, all set by 9.30 in the morning. She gives me a call around the same time to tell me that she is about to start from her home in another 10-15 minutes. Here I would like to mention that her home is good 20 kms away from mine. So there was no hope of her to join me for breakfast, so I was now expecting her by 11am, so that she could join me for lunch. But it was 12 noon already, and there was no signs for her. I called her, to find her still a good 10kms far from my residence. I gave her a piece of my mind and asked her to please make it fast since I was starving by then.
To divert my mind, I started watching Notting Hill on Star Movies, but that was not to be for long, since soon the power went off, and the security guards didn't bother to start the generator. It was 1 pm already.

Fuming by then, I decided to make a move and go to he Oasis center, which is the closest mall. I tried calling my friend, but it went unheard for. So I left her an SMS and started for the mall. I felt having lunch without her would e too rude, so I started killing time window shopping at Lifestyle...trying her mobile endlessly all the while in vain.
Finally she arrived around 1.45 pm...only to say that she was late because she wanted to pick a gift for me since she was coming my home for the first time...and apologized that she couldn't find me anything, so she bought me some pastries. Grr to that!!!...I would have been a lot happier if she would have come an hour early instead of getting those god damned pastries. Finally we finished lunch at the food court.

Now she wanted me to take her around the mall, since she was here for the first time. So we went around the gaming zone and lifestyle. She suddenly realized that the next day was Ganesh Chaturthi, and she is supposed to get some new stuff for her younger brother. She wanted to pick a T-shirt for him. Kool with me, since I believed picking one T-shirt (without hitting the trial room) should take 15 odd minutes (I could take less than that. No matter what I shop for, my shopping takes 15-20 minutes maximum...Yeah!!! I know Db is the lucky one). But now she was on a T-shirt hunt for almost over an hour, and I was left for an endless wait doing what...NOTHING (since I had already finished my share of window shopping, and anyway I can't even do that for more than a few minutes).

My blood pressure was shooting up to new heights that I never knew. I went up to her a a couple of times, telling her that she was ruining my weekend, but in vain. She ended up shopping for 3 T-shirts and two trousers for her brother since she was not sure if he would like her choice...so she bought more things, hoping he would at least like one of them (what a pathetic theory!!!).
Anyways it was 4 in the evening already, so we came home. I served her some cold coffee, and she was on her way in half an hour since I had to leave for my dance class.

So that's my sad story of a spoiled weekend. I bet I was happier when I was alone watching movies, painting, reading or for that matter sleeping. This is the price you pay for trusting a girl on her plans.

For people who don't know, I am a girl myself.
But may be when the God Almighty was manufacturing me, he forgot to plant the hormones in me, which makes a girl take half an hour in the bathroom ( I take hardly 5 min), take another 1 hour for make up, unpunctual (I am overtly punctual), make haywire plans (I am a big time planner) and shop like there is no tomorrow(I can't stay in a shop for more than 15 min). Yes, Yes, Yes...I know Db is the lucky one...is he listening BTW???

Not that I am without my flaws...but that may be some other time, another post.

I had a bad bad day today...

The day started well...I slept till almost 10 in he morning.
So had only half n hour to get ready for office. I decided to have the boiled egg, that I had kept in the fridge last night, for breakfast since that was the most quick option I could think of. But the egg was too cold, so I thought I could keep it in the microwave for a few seconds.
I put it in the microwave, and left it for 20 seconds.
Now a sudden loud sound of a blast caught my attention, only to find that the egg has exploded inside the microwave, creating one of the filthiest mess I have ever witnessed. Cleaning off that stuff took me 15 minutes.

Now I finally managed to start for office only to get trapped in one of the ugliest traffic jams.
Needless to say, I reached almost half an hour late to office, only to find my manager has come back from his long leave TODAY.

For lunch as we started, my brand new pair of shoes decided to ditch me, by quitting their heels. Now, I was absolutely handicapped, I couldn't even go to the loo without any footwear.
I took the footwear of one of my friends and got a new pair of new sandals(a temporary workaround) for myself from the national market.
Finally, when we could manage to start for lunch, there were brinjals in the lunch (not that its any better other days) which we unanimously despise...also the burgers in the coffee day express were done with. Since it was too late to go out for lunch, we managed with samosas for lunch.

It's certainly a bad day for me...but there are still a few hours before the day ends. Lets see what more awaits me.

A Wild thought...

One wishful thought that occurred to me last night after my manager kinda rejected my leave request for two days next month.

Hope I someday join as a manager to my manager, I am gonna screw up his life. I would not let him take even half a day off in a year, I will screw up his appraisal every time and make him do piles of work with a system slower than a snail. (Ah!!! The thought of it gives me immense pleasure)

Well...Db, the playing his usual Devil's Advocate, enlightened me that to get that kinda sadist pleasure, and join as a manager to a person 3 times more experienced than me, the minimum I need is an MBA degree from some likes of ISB, Hyderabad.

Hah!!! I don't mind trying that hard to get even with him.

Great!!! He goes...
You earn the lakhs and I am gonna leave my job and become a house husband.

Now that's some wilder thought...I must say.

Awaiting my independence day

Sounds like my frustration level is gradually rising...right!!!
So be it!!!

We had a so called independence day celebration at office today.
A so-called celebration inside the cafeteria, in a 800 sq ft area, where a total junta of odd 1000 people were expected to stand and watch the ongoing celebration, with people breathing over each others neck (literally), pushing each other with their sweating hands. Now that's some celebration!!!
A company which a respected brand over the globe, treats its employees like damned charity.

I am sick of these brands and big names. With my experience of over 4 years in this industry, I have worked with the biggest brand names you could think of, and eventually I realize that all that glitters is actually not gold. Big brands which show huge profits on their balance sheets, are also achieved by curbing the rights and privileges of people like us...starting with cutting on our paychecks, leaves to toilet tissues.

What stops me...you might ask!!!
The recession is one of the answers...also the fact that I need the money that comes from this job. I am desperate to leave this place ASAP, but I need to go through this till I have another offer in hand.
Hope that happens soon.

And yes, before I forget...HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY.