This weekend is getting boring...

While I am down with a sore throat, this long weekend is not going half as good as planned. Yesterday I couldn't even manage to step out of house. Planning to go out in sometime to buy a pair of shoes for Db...which he can't do without anymore. Also planning to go out to check out the Dusherra celebration in and around Kormanagala.
Among all this, one good news that the weekend got me was a bright ray of hope that came from my Delhi trip...hope things start rolling soon.

The Delhi aftermath

I have a sore throat ever since I came back from Delhi...and running a fever since last two days.
Yesterday I reached office and left in half an hour since I couldn't stand the AC. A day's rest can do wonders to you. The fever is mostly gone but my throat continues the harassment.

We spent almost a good 30K on the trip...but the kinda experience I got from it is worth millions.

I am happy I got to see the real persona of people which they hide under their designer clothes, make up or the constant 'hey' 'oops' 'yeah' and 'man'. Within they are people who can stoop so low that leave you with a gaping mouth. Ever since our return Db is full of appreciations for me, believing that he is lucky to have me...but of course.

I am disappointed to see this generation being so irresponsible and callous towards their carrier and family. Also I must say they are way smarter than what we were at their age. They lie with such a straight face, have no signs of regret whatsoever. I wonder what makes them such, since I believe all generations have their share of temptations. May be easy access to things (bikes, mobiles, internet, laptops), may be the feeling that everything will be taken care of, or the Oh-I-am-so-cool attitude, or mere overconfidence. I donno.

I do not have a problem with the choices they make in life, since I have always believed that they are all adults and smart enough to make their decisions, but they should also have the guts to face the consequences...which they clearly don't have.

I am so awfully disappointed.
Yes!!! its now that I eventually realize that I am way more matured than any of those people who I thought were. I look at them and feel proud of what I was then and what I am now.

Back from Delhi

I am back from Delhi since last night.
We started from Delhi around 9 in the night, when we were still sweating in the heat, and 3 hours later when we landed at Bangalore International airport, it felt like we were back from hell, to land in heaven. I wonder why people like to stay in Delhi, considering that it's awfully hot, everything is just too far and pollution is horrible.

Well...to start with good news, I did a lot of shopping and more so since most of things I got, I got them dirt cheap. I got my hands on some awesome parathas...and the best part, I got to meet Db's college friends, which was FUN...and also I was able to address some of the issues that I had gone to help out for.

And...some bad ones.

I had this friend of mine from school. She would tell me that friends who would say only things that I would like to hear are not true. She would correct me when I was wrong, tell me things that she wouldn't like about me and things she would believe that I was doing wrong. And I believe that makes your relationship stronger and more dependable.
But I witnessed it myself that people only want those kind of relationships in their life who tell them things which are music to their ears. The moment you say things which doesn't sound flattering, they turn you into villains instantly.
I wonder these people who are educated, so-called civilized, wear such designer clothes, work in huge offices, are in fact so cheap within. They could talk high about table manners while dining at the most expensive restaurant in the city, but back home they are such cheap filthy people who are worse than the house maid that works for a menial wage.
Yes, it was someone in my family, whom I intended to help sail through turbulent times, but she was adverse to any kinda criticism, and wished to hear it wasn't her fault at all. And here I return with my own hands burnt in the fire I wished to put out...and a relationship lost.

Also,
Youngsters, these days...irresponsible is the word that comes to my mind.
There are temptations at all ages, at all times. We had our share of temptations during our graduation days as well. But I think youngsters were more responsible then...or lemme say...there were more youngsters who were responsible then, a number which has reduced drastically over the years.
My gang at college was richi-rich. People who had a lot of money to spare on worldly pleasures, an option I never had since my Dad is just a government employee. I would get 1500 rs a month, and made it a point to never ask for more. I would target to save at least 150-200 rs every month so that by the end of a few months I could buy nice T-shirts to match my other friends.
Yes, there were other easy options. A convent educated girl from Rourkela has plenty of options in college. People would race to make her their girlfriend, since she is a feather in their cap. It wasn't a big deal. And then, all your expenses are taken care of...and there were people who would do it for the easy life that it brings along.
But on the flip side, I knew the kind of money, effort and sacrifices that my family was going through, to have me get the degree at the end of four years, I knew the consequences of being caught since my Dad was a pretty well-known person in Bhubaneswar, I had an idea of the kind of complications that this relationship would bring on me and my family later...and I went on to become one of the very few people who passed out from college with pretty decent marks + a job + single status - complications + proud parents...a great combination I must say.
But this is a very selfish and irresponsible generation...and I am really disappointed with all the youngsters that I have come across.
Decieving parents for just like that, irresponsible to the core where money is concerned, giving absolutely no value to the trust that parents place on them, lying on the drop of a hat...I am terribly disappointed.

When asked, Db's friend Nehru said that he prefers getting a pet dog than raising kids, at least he wouldn't bring as many problems along. Well!!! I am giving it a thought, I already have a handful.

Prelude to my thoughts before I start for Delhi

I am early to office today. Not because I didn't have much to do at home or more to do at office. I came early because I am leaving early today for the flight to Delhi this evening.

Now, there is this is a weird feeling...
May be it's because its a long time since I have been ever early to office...
Or may be since I am traveling after a really long time, other than my parents or in-laws place...
Or may be because I am excited about Delhi, or may be I am not...I am not sure what am I gonna do or say there that would help someway.
I feel like this damsel in distress who is too weak to change things...and I hate to be so.

As a kid I believed that my Dad had a magic wand. He was able to handle the toughest situations in the most graceful way. Things which would look so very impossible to us, just when we would lose hope and give up on it, he would get it done. I didn't know this word then...JUGAD, but back then I thought he had a magic wand which he would use to solve all problems. (But he is getting old now, or may be the power of the magic wand has fallen short to the rising inflation...his magic though still working would not be able to hold too long.)

Obviously I wanted my husband to be the same...dependable.
But when I actually started looking out for prospective grooms, somewhere I missed this criterion. It was my mistake...I would compare every guy with my EX, a superfit football player, with a great dressing sense and lot of Dollars...but he was not dependable, of course. Well!!! I was quite young then to realize that...and I believe things are much rosy the first time.
But that I realize now that everything else aside, if your man isn't dependable, your life gets hell. It's very important that your man stands by you when you need him the most. And my life is easier because I have just the man I need. I wouldn't have been able to go through this if Db hadn't been understanding enough.

I had this friend of mine, who believed that it takes as less as a day for a person to change.
'People change like this' she would snap her fingers...

I did never find it true...I never changed in the last 26 years. Yes, I wish today some people would change...and some never do. And the second one is Db.

Missed on my CHOTA FHORTCUT

To quote Shahid Kapoor in Kaminey
"There are just two ways to success...FHORTCUT and CHOTA FHORTCUT"
I missed on my CHOTA FHORTCUT this weekend.

My frustration with my current employer is a known fact to my readers (anybody there btw???). But I wasn't ready for a change yet, it needs a lot of preparation before I actually jump to the pool. But I chanced on this requirement on Accent(Times Of India) for a walk-in for HP. I might give it a try I thought.But I wasn't ready. So be it...lets just find out where I stand.
Last Saturday, just when I was about to start, Db gave me this wonderful news that this drive was actually only for women who had 4-8 years of experience. Bingo!!! that's my CHOTA FHORTCUT. Since I believe women between 4-8 years of experience would be quite less in number, most of them looking for jobs after a break due to marriage or kids, mostly Aunties. So I stand a good chance since there would be hardly a 100 people. Ah!!! I wish I was a little prepared...but still there is a fairly good chance.

And I was right. There were maximum 70-80 people who turned up, most of them were Aunties who wanted to resume their careers after a break.
I had reached there by 10 am, but I was kept waiting till almost 3pm...while people who came after me had already finished and left. After continuous inquiry, it turned out that they had lost my resume.
Finally, my turn came around 3, after I gave them another copy of my resume. My tech round was quite good. I wonder, if I am actually good at my concepts or like the lucky JAMAL in Slumdog Millionaire, I was destined to be asked only those questions for whom I knew the answers...except one. For that one question caused all the unpleasant trouble. The interviewer was one lady (who had enough facial hair to be called a man, and looking at her face actually distracted me), she asked me to write a program. I used a logic which she wasn't expecting, I tried convincing her that it would give the same result and she looked convinced...at least that what I thought.
I was selected in the Tech round, and proceeded for the Managerial round...which again went very well and I was passed on to the HR for the rest of the formalities. By the time it was 5.30 pm, and I was the only person left. The HR lady approached me, and we started the discussion, if I was ready to relocate to Chennai and my current package etc. It was unbelievable, I could resign on the next Monday...I had already started to imagine my manager's expression when I would tell him that I quit. Yeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Just then a man approached us, to say that he had some technical questions for me. But I already finished that round, but he insisted on one. And before I could even understand what was going on, the HR was gone and he was seated across the table taking another technical interview.
My mind went numb...so am I not resigning this Monday!!! He asked me a few questions and I could realize that I was too tired to think. He asked me to explain the same program which I had written for the other lady...he said the results would be the same but the performance would be bad...Ohh!!!...so I might have to bear my manager for some while now. He looked angry for some reason, he was hell bent to prove I wasn't good enough. I answered most of his questions, but each time he gave me the expression like he was sitting next to an idiot of the first order. What is he so mad about???...I still donno.

It was over...he asked me to leave.

I knew this was not right. It was less of a technical test and more of stress test. If I wasn't good enough they could have rejected me in the 1st round itself...or are the interviewers not good enough to judge people. Who makes them sit in the panel if they can't judge if the candidate is good. I wanted to turn back and give a piece of my mind to the HR, I had nothing to lose...but I felt tired and humiliated.
It was like smelling me the chocolate and taking it back.
This was my CHOTA FHORTCUT, and I just missed it by a thin line.
I wish I would have said "No...I donno how to do it" for that piece of code. I knew I would still have been selected, the rest of the interview was good. If not I wouldn't hurt so much, since I knew I wasn't prepared.

No worries...I know I am good at my work and there are sure better places to work, and bigger problems in life to worry about.
Like my Delhi trip this weekend, which is neither for MY business nor pleasure. Its more to try to straighten things for people who are family and who refuse to help themselves and have become the cause of worries for the rest of the family.
God help me help them...Amen to that.

Ah!!! Problems...do they have a tail???

The Tide

I am on a lot of caffeine now, empty stomach, a severe headache, with some moronic stuff to be completed while all I want to do now is to slip off home.
FUCK IT... I'M FRUSTRATED AND I REALLY NEED TO PUSH THOUGHT IT!!!

There is an underlying truth to frustration...there is something that seems wrong...something that you are driven nuts about because it is NOT happening, or IS happening...and you can do nothing about it while you can't also bear the pain of being a silent spectator and watch while the drama unfolds itself.

Why is it so difficult for some people to accept their failures gracefully? Why is ego so important? Why is it so important to be like somebody else? Why can't people look within themselves to find the happiness that they are actually looking for from other people?
Why is changing oneself so difficult? Are we locked into our persona...so much so that we can never break free from it and change ourselves.
Can we not realize that the glorified picture we have of ourselves is not correct, and instead of waiting around for things to change, we change nothing, that's foolish.

I am helpless, feeling like a loser that I can't help my own people, people who are all I have. I clearly see what's going wrong and who's going wrong...but I can hardly do anything about it. People who I love, who I care for, are in so much pain...it hurts. And I am not helping, I can''t.

Awhhh!!!...Honestly, it's one of those days that I could just scream...

My colleague was complaining me today that she has spotted this new guy in our team staring at her boobs. Needless to say she was very irritated with this regular practice of his, so much so that she now avoids meeting him and discuss work with him.

Accepted that men are programmed that way...but there has to be some decency at office.
Now, I remember the bollywood movies in the 80's would have the heroines with huge boobs and God knows what made them think that they ought to look conical in shape (and don't get me started of the kind of dresses that would had the boobs in a different and darker shade). Basically those are the kind of boobs that catch attention.
But this colleague of mine who is hardly 5 feet tall and looks more like a school girl who has lost her way and landed up at a office, and hardly any noticeable assets is quite not something to be stared at...unless the guy has challenged himself to check out her assets to find if she has any at all!!! Okay that was a PJ...at least that's what she told when I said the same thing to her.

Ok now...don't feel bad...I tell her. If you really wanna do something about it, stare at his crotch whenever he stares at your boobs (at least we used to do the same when at college...but well yes...office is different), still worse...raise an incident with the HR. And if nothing else we will screw up his appraisal for this.

WTF!!!

Finding a blog name for Db

Db wanted to start a blog for himself, not that he doesn't have one. But its not been put to good use...which he intends to now. So it was like turning a new leaf with a brand new blog name.

So we started looking for a good blog title for him.
We started with more relevant names like mydailybites, randommusings...and more, which were all taken.
Next he started playing with titles like jorukagulam, thehenpeckedhusband, mujhemeribiwisebachao...only to find that there were people who had already gone through the same misery long before Db realized his state...heh. After an year of marriage, what else is a blog good for if you cant pen your rants on your wife.
Lastly, we even tried all dirty slangs like sa*le, ter*maki, kuttakamina, bewda (and more which I have censored keeping in mind that my SIL has started reading my blog), but no luck.
And finally we tried, allcoolblogtitlesaretaken, cantfindatitle, cantfindanything and those was taken too. I totally sympathize with these guys, having realized what we went through to find a blog title for Db.

If you are still reading on and expecting that I am gonna pass on a link to Db's blog from mine, huh!!! forget it.
After 3 years of blogging and investing so much time, energy, imagination and internet bills on glorifying myself on my blog, you think I am gonna pass on my readers(hardly any though...sob) to read his blog and throw all my efforts to the drains.
Nopes!!!

The price of trusting a girl and her plans...

I had been so tired of saying alone this weekend. So I invited one of my friend home this Saturday. What I conveniently ignored is never to bank on a girls punctuality, her plans and her moods.

So, taking all at her face value, I was waiting for her, all set by 9.30 in the morning. She gives me a call around the same time to tell me that she is about to start from her home in another 10-15 minutes. Here I would like to mention that her home is good 20 kms away from mine. So there was no hope of her to join me for breakfast, so I was now expecting her by 11am, so that she could join me for lunch. But it was 12 noon already, and there was no signs for her. I called her, to find her still a good 10kms far from my residence. I gave her a piece of my mind and asked her to please make it fast since I was starving by then.
To divert my mind, I started watching Notting Hill on Star Movies, but that was not to be for long, since soon the power went off, and the security guards didn't bother to start the generator. It was 1 pm already.

Fuming by then, I decided to make a move and go to he Oasis center, which is the closest mall. I tried calling my friend, but it went unheard for. So I left her an SMS and started for the mall. I felt having lunch without her would e too rude, so I started killing time window shopping at Lifestyle...trying her mobile endlessly all the while in vain.
Finally she arrived around 1.45 pm...only to say that she was late because she wanted to pick a gift for me since she was coming my home for the first time...and apologized that she couldn't find me anything, so she bought me some pastries. Grr to that!!!...I would have been a lot happier if she would have come an hour early instead of getting those god damned pastries. Finally we finished lunch at the food court.

Now she wanted me to take her around the mall, since she was here for the first time. So we went around the gaming zone and lifestyle. She suddenly realized that the next day was Ganesh Chaturthi, and she is supposed to get some new stuff for her younger brother. She wanted to pick a T-shirt for him. Kool with me, since I believed picking one T-shirt (without hitting the trial room) should take 15 odd minutes (I could take less than that. No matter what I shop for, my shopping takes 15-20 minutes maximum...Yeah!!! I know Db is the lucky one). But now she was on a T-shirt hunt for almost over an hour, and I was left for an endless wait doing what...NOTHING (since I had already finished my share of window shopping, and anyway I can't even do that for more than a few minutes).

My blood pressure was shooting up to new heights that I never knew. I went up to her a a couple of times, telling her that she was ruining my weekend, but in vain. She ended up shopping for 3 T-shirts and two trousers for her brother since she was not sure if he would like her choice...so she bought more things, hoping he would at least like one of them (what a pathetic theory!!!).
Anyways it was 4 in the evening already, so we came home. I served her some cold coffee, and she was on her way in half an hour since I had to leave for my dance class.

So that's my sad story of a spoiled weekend. I bet I was happier when I was alone watching movies, painting, reading or for that matter sleeping. This is the price you pay for trusting a girl on her plans.

For people who don't know, I am a girl myself.
But may be when the God Almighty was manufacturing me, he forgot to plant the hormones in me, which makes a girl take half an hour in the bathroom ( I take hardly 5 min), take another 1 hour for make up, unpunctual (I am overtly punctual), make haywire plans (I am a big time planner) and shop like there is no tomorrow(I can't stay in a shop for more than 15 min). Yes, Yes, Yes...I know Db is the lucky one...is he listening BTW???

Not that I am without my flaws...but that may be some other time, another post.

I had a bad bad day today...

The day started well...I slept till almost 10 in he morning.
So had only half n hour to get ready for office. I decided to have the boiled egg, that I had kept in the fridge last night, for breakfast since that was the most quick option I could think of. But the egg was too cold, so I thought I could keep it in the microwave for a few seconds.
I put it in the microwave, and left it for 20 seconds.
Now a sudden loud sound of a blast caught my attention, only to find that the egg has exploded inside the microwave, creating one of the filthiest mess I have ever witnessed. Cleaning off that stuff took me 15 minutes.

Now I finally managed to start for office only to get trapped in one of the ugliest traffic jams.
Needless to say, I reached almost half an hour late to office, only to find my manager has come back from his long leave TODAY.

For lunch as we started, my brand new pair of shoes decided to ditch me, by quitting their heels. Now, I was absolutely handicapped, I couldn't even go to the loo without any footwear.
I took the footwear of one of my friends and got a new pair of new sandals(a temporary workaround) for myself from the national market.
Finally, when we could manage to start for lunch, there were brinjals in the lunch (not that its any better other days) which we unanimously despise...also the burgers in the coffee day express were done with. Since it was too late to go out for lunch, we managed with samosas for lunch.

It's certainly a bad day for me...but there are still a few hours before the day ends. Lets see what more awaits me.

A Wild thought...

One wishful thought that occurred to me last night after my manager kinda rejected my leave request for two days next month.

Hope I someday join as a manager to my manager, I am gonna screw up his life. I would not let him take even half a day off in a year, I will screw up his appraisal every time and make him do piles of work with a system slower than a snail. (Ah!!! The thought of it gives me immense pleasure)

Well...Db, the playing his usual Devil's Advocate, enlightened me that to get that kinda sadist pleasure, and join as a manager to a person 3 times more experienced than me, the minimum I need is an MBA degree from some likes of ISB, Hyderabad.

Hah!!! I don't mind trying that hard to get even with him.

Great!!! He goes...
You earn the lakhs and I am gonna leave my job and become a house husband.

Now that's some wilder thought...I must say.

Awaiting my independence day

Sounds like my frustration level is gradually rising...right!!!
So be it!!!

We had a so called independence day celebration at office today.
A so-called celebration inside the cafeteria, in a 800 sq ft area, where a total junta of odd 1000 people were expected to stand and watch the ongoing celebration, with people breathing over each others neck (literally), pushing each other with their sweating hands. Now that's some celebration!!!
A company which a respected brand over the globe, treats its employees like damned charity.

I am sick of these brands and big names. With my experience of over 4 years in this industry, I have worked with the biggest brand names you could think of, and eventually I realize that all that glitters is actually not gold. Big brands which show huge profits on their balance sheets, are also achieved by curbing the rights and privileges of people like us...starting with cutting on our paychecks, leaves to toilet tissues.

What stops me...you might ask!!!
The recession is one of the answers...also the fact that I need the money that comes from this job. I am desperate to leave this place ASAP, but I need to go through this till I have another offer in hand.
Hope that happens soon.

And yes, before I forget...HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY.

How time flies...

My friend L turned into a mother yesterday.
She was my first roommate at hotel...one of the first friends that I made during my graduation days.
Feels like yesterday, that we were standing in a queue at hostel waiting to be ragged by the seniors...doing all kida silly stuff which passed as ragging...laughing, crying, dancing, eating and again ragging the juniors together.

She is a the proud mother of a son today...the first mother in our group.
Congratulations dear...to this bright new chapter in life.

Lonely tonite

I am feeling lonely tonite.
Not sure if Db's absence is the only reason.
May be the anticipation of office tomorrow also plays a big part for it.
I am starting to hate my office already...my manager, the policies that this company claims.

Nothing helps...no amount of chocolate, colddrinks or chicken is helping.
Next weekend, I am gonna try wine.

I have started my dance lessons...
My entire body aches...but I hope I'll lose some kilos this time.

And finally, I managed to get the full version of Diner Dash, something I have been looking for since quite some time.
But as i played till the 18th level, I am already bored of it.
Geminis...I tell you!!! Its tough to be one.

Bad start of the day

A real bad one at that.
Disclaimer : Terribly frustrated rants ahead.

As soon as I reach office into the jam packed parking, I hurt my leg with an oddly parked bike. Damn they cant provide proper parking also!!! But there was more drama awaiting at the reception.
I was greeted by the HR lady at the reception with the information that I was not properly dressed according to the company policies. I wondered what was wrong with my dress, a jeans and a casual T-shirt and scandals. Apparently we are not supposed to wear round necks according to our company rules...as if we are those sex objects around, who need to hide their necks lest the rest of the hungry sharks (men) pounce on us. Earlier during the HR dress code information which was given to us on the floor meet, they had asked us to avoid wearing round necks although its actually not considered to be an offense.
Now here she was, eating her own words, asking me to register my employee id in the list of offenders, for which she was going to cut one of my casual leaves and also I go back home and change and come back. I told her if that was the case, I am not going to travel 30 kms to and fro to change a mere T-shirt and also if she is gonna cut a day of my leave balance, I return straight from here back home and actually take this day off.
Now that isn't permissible.
You have to go home and change and come back and lose a day of casual leave as well.
You can't have both the sides of the coin to your side.
I stared straight into her face, I said its your policy to cut a day off for so-called nondisciplinary actions, but I refuse to work on a day I am not gonna get paid for and you have no policy to stop me.
She agreed.
I decided to leave and inform my manager and client that she didn't let me in since I was wearing a round neck today.

Now when I see my manager, he gives me that why-are-you-here look. I told him the matter and said I was leaving.
He threw the words at me saying it was my fault for not being appropriately dressed and that I should have read the notice board.
I was like what notice board...there is notice on it.
He took me to the notice board to prove his point only to see there was none.
Ahem....

Manager :Well...you have to go home and change and come back. I am giving you two hours.
Me: I am sorry, I cant travel another 30 kms for such a petty stuff. If at all I am going home, for sure I will not come back.
Manager: In that case I will take strict action you. I will make sure they cut your salary or two days instead of one.

Now that pushed me to the edge. People who know me, know that I don't lose my temper easily, but when I do God-save-you. I hate it when people treat me like charity. I work much more than what I get paid for, and nobody is doing me a favor by giving me this job. I am here because I work and I am worth it. Still they expect us to become scientists, while the systems that they provide to employees are from the Mugle-Azam era, and run slower than snails.
And I have a question...if I am all that genius...why the eff* would I work here for peanuts...I would rather work for Google for a hefty package. Your expectations from your employees is sky high, while you cant even provide a pantry or toilet tissues in return. Damn the CMM Level 5!!!

All I wanted to say then was 'Eff* off' and leave... but this was office and we are professionals. I donno how controlled myself, I gave him a stare which could melt the Alps and just managed with...
'I am not going home and if I do I won't come back. You can suit yourself.'
I turned back and left without waiting for an answer.

As I came out from his cubicle, I felt like a wounded cobra, fuming with anger.
I started looking at the portal site for the RESIGN option, but I couldn't find it. Its not just for the today's episode, I am ever so frustrated with this company, its policies, its facilities, its expectations and the effing managers.

So I waited for my anger to ebb down, which it didn't. Washed my face, had some tea...didn't help. Spoke to Db, sent a mail to the HR sending me a copy of the dress code policy since I couldn't find it on the portal site.
My lead came, again in a round neck T-shirt but had escaped somehow. The manager came to us and warned her to be careful next time. He then turned to me, saying you were just unlucky, you are a thief only when you are caught...and smiled away to glory.

And just now I felt the pain in my leg and checked out that it was bleeding of the injury I got the first thing I entered the office premises today. I had totally forgotten about it amidst all this drama.

I don't have a title for this one...

Its 2.30 in the night now...I am just not sleepy and D is not around to force me to sleep with his usual 'Which part of NO do you not understand???'

I had a meeting this evening with my clients, to discuss the new project that my previous employer has lost to us. But my name was convieniently missed in the meeting request. I dont't mind...more so since this meeting was supposed to start at 8.30 pm and was expected to run for at least for a hour. So I decided not to be too generous to offer to be a part of the meeting was not invited to. Also since Db is out of the city now, I didn't have the nerve to drive back home so late.

Times have changed now.

I remember my days when I was new to Bangalore, I was working with my previous employer in a crappy project, an irritating moronic team lead, even more moronic manager and going through an ugly breakup. With my previous employer, working till 10-12 pm in the night was standard for a weekday and working on Saturday was taken for granted.

On one particular evening, it was almost 12 midnight by the time I finished my work...and when I called the security for a cab, he said that due to some technical difficulty they were not providing cab service for door step drop. I got so pissed off...I was new to Bangalore and wan't sure of my way back. I was scared to take an auto so late in the night. But I managed...and I managed every single day of my life on my own. Most of my life I had been single, and handled myself through every phase of my life...alone. This is something I have always been very proud of...the fact that I am an independent person.

But ever since my marraige to Db, I find myself dependent on him. I can't work late if he is not in town, I let him handle my phone bills and credit card bills, I am not sure when,how and where does he pay the electricity and internet bills.

I am not an independent person any more...not half what I had always been.

I donno what else to write...I am feeling aimless while typing, but I insist to continue...

I have the laptop on my lap, a book on Springs to my right which I was reading a few minutes back, and the TV is on infront of me...the movie Damini being telecasted...multitasking at its best...hai naa!!!

I was reading book called 'Spring in Action'. Its a nice book, covers most of the chapters in Springs and AOP. Planning to finish this one an one more by the end of next month and start appearing for interview after that...can't work under this sadist manager anymore.

I like this movie Damini...loved Sunny Deol in the movie...he had few of the most awesome dialogues that Indian movies would ever write, 'Yeh Dhai kilo ka haat...'. I relate to Meenakshi's character in a lot of ways...even I would have done the same...may be. This is something Db has always been worried about...the fact that I am an idealist.

This post is going no where...looks like I am blabbering now.

I think I should go to sleep now.

In less than twelve hours...

In less than twelve hours Db would be starting for his three months long assignment to pune.
I wanna be with him now for sometime, but damn this job, I can't move my a** from my chair...
So its gonna be a long long period of home alone, and back to single hood again.
And there is gonna be a lot of blogging, I mean real lot of it...

...in less than twelve hours.

Enormously irritated

Disclaimer : This post is going to be full of random ranting. So before you go ahead, you have been warned.

Every single time I have a meeting with my manager, I feel like throwing my resignation on his face right there. I mean, despite of the fact that they have screwed the ratings of 80% of the people in the account, slashed our salaries by 10% citing the aforementioned excuse, they still have the face to ask us to work harder for things which we are actually not supposed to do under any compulsion.
I mean I did not have a problem, if they had cut my package on the pretext of recession. I understand this is a tough time, but they slashed my salary by reducing my appraisal ratings, despite of the fact that I, and for that matter my entire team had a good customer satisfaction rating and also held decent certifications. Yet they screwed the ratings for all of us.

Now we have a meeting to ask us to have some kinda idea generation which would give a cost benefit to either my employer or my client...and this is a part of our goal settings, which would result to further cut down our ratings if we fail to do the same. I mean, if each one of us is supposed to come up with such ideas, wouldn't we all have scientists in our organization.
And if I forgot to mention, we also have to do two certifications in a year...one domain and one technical and take a few trainings and also gave a few of the same.

And then on a lighter note, he asks...so what is your motivation to work at office other than your salary (of course, that not a motivation, rather it's something that demotivates me), to which there was an uncomfortable silence.
So he adds, I want you guys to take initiative in making team activities, outings and doing social activities. Take some time out and volunteer for such activities, go and teach at orphanages and handicapped children on weekends, tree planting outings and stuff. This is also a part of your goal settings and if not complied to will result to reducing your appraisal ratings.

Fucker...!!! I whispered to myself.

I don't mind being a volunteer for team activities or social service, but that should be something I want to do myself and not compelled to do so as to secure my appraisal ratings...

I mean...Argh!!! I donno what else to say...I am just too pissed off.

Dirty mind at work

Is it just me me to observe that on the sponsors of the popular show Rakhi ka Swayamvar are I-pill contraceptive pills, condomns and revital.

What's the connection dude...!!!????