While the Search is on...

Without getting into the name of the company, which might or might not land me in trouble, I will come straight to the happenings of the day.

Last Saturday, I went for an interview to Whitfield, which, I was told a scheduled one. But when I reached there on the scheduled time, there were quite some people waiting for their turn for the online test. I was kept waiting for almost 3 hours, while people who came after me finished and left as well. Despite my repeated reminders to acknowledge my presence, nothing really happened. At the end of three hours I left a message on the desk for the HR and left.

Now, two days back, I get a call from the Senior HR of the company, apologizing for the inconvenience and asking me to come for the interview on the coming weekend. It didn't match since I had already committed to other interviews on weekend and Whitefield is too far to go on a weekday and come to office after that. They were willing o send me a cab to pick me up from my doorstep and then drop me back to my office after the procedure was done. I wondered what I had done to deserve this (may be the message I left with the receptionist didn't go well with the HRs) , but I accepted the offer. My only concern was what if I flunk in the first round itself and they believe I am an empty vessel which sounds too much. The harm could be many degrees ranging from losing my face, being blacklisted from their company for ever to confiscate the cab and send me back on my own, while I wasn't sure of my way back nor the conveyance.

I woke up at 6.30 this morning for the cab, I reached the Salarpuria Tech park before 8. It felt great, some hundred acres of land, with buildings each one better than the other, huge lawns, broad roads without a speck of dust anywhere, a lone coffee day standing in the middle of the road...looked like I had left civilization far behind. Not that I have never been to a tech park, but never so early. They look awesome early in the morning, quiet and serene. The HR hadn't arrived by then...so waited till 8.30.The online test went till 9.30 and as I feared, I flunked. There were quite some questions on EJB, which is not my forte...but without any unconvincing excuses, let me just face it...I flunked.
Lost my face, yes. Blacklisted from the company for life, I donno. But they certainly didn't confiscate the cab. I called the driver, he said he would take a few moments to come down since he went home. I decided to wait, any way it was too early for office, I had to reach only by 11.30. I looked around, and boiled down to the coffee day on the middle of the road.

I halted there for a corn-spinach sandwich and a Masala tea. While he prepared the same, I took a seat and looked around.
The weather was just perfect, to sit in an open air coffee day , it was cool and windy, I put on my jacket. People had started coming now, young girls, who were probably late because of the time they took to decide what they'd wear, were running to reach before their managers. Young men, walking lazily, I couldn't decide if they were sleeping while walking or walking while sleeping, they needed a coffee urgently. Older men, some in suits and tie, walking in a group were probably saving time by having the meetings on the way.
I felt the vacuum in our lifes...
When I was young my Dad said, work hard for your 10th grades and get into a good college, life is easy after that,nobody studies in college. When I was in college, he said, work hard to get an engineering seat in a good college, life is cake walk after that,nobody studies in college. When in engineering college, he said, work hard for your engineering percentage, land up in a good job, life is easy after that(Now I know, how smart he was, and how he manages his huge team in the plant he works in). I am still waiting for that easy life. I am, touchwood, doing quite well in this rat race, but life still isn't half as easy. Then, the board exams were my biggest concerns, looked like an herculean job to me...now its something else, and tomorrow it would be again something new. It never stops. I feel the urge to ask my Dad, when would I finally get the time to be relaxed, but I know even he doesn't have the answer. He is gonna retire in a year's time, and he still hasn't found his peace.
I believe, this is how God makes his presence felt to us. I am not a believer nor am I an atheist. I believe in a superpower but do not believe in tradition, religion and rituals. But, there is certainly somebody, something out there who balances my life and yours. I look at Bhai's plight today and I am positive his ordeal is gonna end soon, because I believe he has learnt the lesson God wanted to teach him.

It had started drizzling then, my tea was over and the thoughts going round my mind were exhausted. I called the cab driver, he said he's stuck in a jam and would take another fifteen minutes. I pulled out the book in my bag, Chetan Bhagat's: 2 states. It started good, dragged in between but now it was getting interesting.

In a few minutes the cab was there. I boarded the cab which dropped me till the office gate. I thanked the driver and approached the gate. I held my access card in my hand while I looked at the old building...I wondered if Akbar would have walled up Anarkali in this building. The campus if any, was occupied with the vehicles that came along the employees. I felt like I have landed from the US straight into Jhumri Talaiya.
As I entered, the security guard stops me with an open palm.
'Maa'm you are breaking policies, please wear the access card round your neck before we raise a security incident against you.'

Sigh!!!...Welcome to reality!!!

One pakau weekend

A weekend no so great.
I went for an interview to Whitefield which did not happen. They kept me waiting at the reception with a bottle of coke, cookies and chips at my disposal. I lasted in the reception only till the snacks did last. After the end of two hours, soon after the coke bottle was empty and the chips and cookies exhausted, I left in a fury asking the HR to call me later when they can scheule my interview. Life ke teen ghante waste ho gaye!!!

I had been of the impression that HR is one of the coolest job in IT. Most of them are babes or dudes, with no technical work, no clients...must be damn kool. But this notion is changing too fast.
Last week we had this mass drive, where I was a part of the interview panel.This lady HR was almost in tears, since she couldn't handle the pressure. Even today, even I blasted on the HR, when she kept me waiting for more than two hours...while she wouldn't get me another bottle of coke as well, I might have considered waiting for a while otherwise.

Among all this, what gives me a fits attack is, I have an interview scheduled with Adobe on tuesday. I asked Db's friend to refer me there...what I didn't realize is, they would gimme a call the same day to appear for the interview process the next day...
I am not prepared man! Atleast not for the written test on datastructures, algorithms and operating systems. I mean these topics are for the kids (read freshers)...for me, the names just seem to ring a bell.
Luckily I was able to buy some time. Wish me luck people, this one matters to me.

Watched the movie 'Sahib Biwi aur Ghulam', an old bollywood classic. This one and a few more old movies were ordered by Db online from the Moserbaer website.

Its two in the night now, and I feel dog tired due to this long day. Must go to sleep now, planning to prepare tomorrow for the kids stuff for the Adobe interview.
Uwaaan Uwaannn!!!

No title as of now

Its going to be a total random post with no head or tail...you have been warned!!!

I am writing this blog because I have nothing better to do.
Not that I do not have work, I have this screwed up code which I need to fix in the next half an hour, I have this sql query which I need to optimize since it takes ages to just bring up just 500 rows of data. Also, I have this offer letter which I might consider if they 'give me an offer I can't refuse'...but when I said the same to them, they never got back to me...which in words, means TEL LENE JAA!!!
And while I still have to bear my manager's face and my Dad calls me to share his concerns on Bhai's plight and on the other hand talks about his wish of gifting me and Db a 2400 sqft land in Bhubaneswar by taking a loan from his provident fund, I almost feel like booking myself a bed in the Ranchi Mental Hospital ASAP...I belong there.

Here, in this world, things happen too quickly sometimes. And at other times, if feels like Vajpayee spoke at lightning speed as compared to the movement of events in your life.
Things aren't changing for me. They are pretty much the same...same worries, same concerns, same project, same manager and the same code, same husband...ahem...err!!! I mean nothing new in my married life(marriage if not a full stop, a comma it certainly is).
*yawn*

Db says I am a champion in finding reasons to get worried about.
When I am not worrying about my family, my weight, office, cleaning my house and cupboards, chasing off the cockroaches or why we do not have a swimming pool in our apartment among other things, I am can still manage to be worried about why I can't find a title for this post.

When at college, and among the minimal few of the junta who were not-hooked-not-committed, I believed that expecting someone to be with me for life scores a perfect ten on the optimism meter.
Back then, and now I still believe that I am not the girl of his dreams for a man.
Since, I was and still am higher on testosterone and lower on progesterone...and also, I never needed a man in my life just for the heck of it, or because everybody had one.
Guys from college didn't approach me since they loved their life...guys outside college hardly tried, since they believed this option must have been closed by now (I was quite a babe then...WAS, PAST TENSE. I wore a huge cross round my neck, a skull on my index finger and an iron chain round one of my ankles...pretty bold going by Oriya standards. Db would have fainted if he would have managed to get a glimpse of me then).

I believe there are three kinda girls. One, you fall for on the first sight, second kinds are the ones who grow on you slowly and third a the kinds you wouldn't like to touch with a barge pole. I belong to the third category.

I seriously think, Db deserves some gallantry award for jhelofying me for almost two years now and more so considering the anticipation for the coming years...

I donno what I am writing. My thought process is going haywire because I am what...yes, that's right, worried.
If you have reached this far you are either as vella as me, or a very brave reader.
In either of the case, Thanks for hearing me out (I am choking).

So here comes the first offer!!!

So here it is.
After appearing for some 4-5 interviews I have finally, DRUMS ROLL PLEASE, managed to pull an offer from the Societe Generale Global Solutions Center.

But true to my Gemini self, I am darned confused.
I wanted to switch from my current employer, since I wanted a job which doesn't have such stringent policies, next to impossible goal sheets for the appraisal process, gives me an option for work from home and last but not the least, a dhin chak package.
With this new offer, I have got nothing matching my needs, except for a better package.
And, they want me to join in a months time.
I am in a fix. :(
Okay...did I forget to mention my manager, my blood pressure shoots up every time I see his face.

I know I hate my manager so much that I can put down my papers right now just to get back at him.
I can already visualize when I barge into his cabin and say "The words".

I would like to quit my job. So I would like to start the 1 month notice period starting today, and since I have 20 days of earned leaves left, I would like them to be adjusted to my notice period. In short, I am leaving in 2 weeks time...

There is this pregnant silence when we both look into each others eye and neither of us know what to say (does it sound romantic???). Also, I imagine myself ducking behind the chair, just missing the file hurled at me.

But Alas!!! This is just going to be a figment of my imagination as of now...since I do no hate him as much as I love my career. I hope this offer was exciting enough to make my imaginations to reality, I would have loved to see the expression on my managers face when I broke the news to him.
But alas this sadist pleasure has to wait as of now.

I am happy with the offer letter though. I can certainly do with some confidence of having an offer letter from a leading banking firm.
Hope some good offers come my way soon.

Happy Deepawali!!!

On this festival of light as I crib about my job(as usual) and personal life, soon after I gave another shot to set things rolling for Bhai, mere hours after I screwed up my interview with ArisGlobal and just minutes before my first telephonic round with Accenture is scheduled...I am here lighting up my life with this ray of hope with a belief.
A belief that this day is gonna finally light up our life and bring an end to all our worries, I believe that yes, everything is gonna be all right soon.
Yes, this belief gets me going now. I am positive and will ever remain so, till things turn to our favor.
So, here's lighting this little light up, believing this light will chase away the darkness in our life's and bring a new dawn where things are better if not rosier.

Hope this day lights up your life too...Happy Deepawali to all!!!

Do I think like a man???

Many a times I do feel that I think more like a man than a woman.
I look at Lara Dutta sizzling on screen in Blue, and I go 'Man she is hot!!!' more than I do the same for John showing his butt in Dostana. When we are roaming around Church Street on one of the evenings on a weekend, I scream more than Db when I see a babe around, 'Dekho...Babe hai yaar!!!'.

Lemme give a few more examples in chronological order...

A few months ago...at the cafeteria...
Nam : Did you notice that new trainee. Guess what!!! I have noticed her working out a the office gym almost everyday. No wonder she has such awesome figure.
Me : Yeah.
Nams (still envying her figure) : Look...not a single inch of fat anywhere. She would look awesome in a saree don't you think???
Me : I think she would look greater in a two piece bikini...why saree, which covers all of what its worth!!!
Nams : !!!????

Another time, we were three of us having our evening coffee at the cafeteria. We were talking about how sad it feels to see these little girls pregnant and working late hours at office.
Bh : This girl in the other project, I am sure she is gonna have a baby boy.
Nam : What makes you think so??
Bh : I believe if you have a baby boy in there, the tummy is more pointed.
Me: This can surely go as the weirdest of all your weird logics you ever gave. The baby boy certainly can't have his genitals so prominent to make the tummy look pointed.
Nams : What!!! That's so dirty...how could this even occur to you!!!
What else then????

Just yesterday I talking to my colleague, she happened to mention this reality show on NDTV Imagine...Pati Patni aur Woh.
Yeah, I said. I changed upon one of the episodes once when I was switching channels. Rakhi Sawant was carrying this little kid while showing her assets generously to the camera and to the baby. This kid must have found this one good chance to dance on, he started hitting her right on her boobs with his little hands. I was wondering what would the real father to the baby (I believe, these kids are rented from their parents) be thinking behind the screen, 'lucky chap!!! wish they rented fathers and not their babies'.
Nams :I don't believe this...You have a mind dirtier than most men.
Do I??? I thought this has to be the most common observation by anybody...irrespective of whether he is a man or woman.

So the bottom line is, I am starting to wonder if my mind actually works like a man.

Update 23rd Nov 2009
I did it again.
The topic of discussion was how this generation is commitment phobic and conveniently shies away from responsibilities. While few of us managed to get into the commitment of marriage, we shy away from the responsibility of having babies.
Now, this friend of mine is keen on having babies and her husband is not ready to carry the burden of kids. While she meant she is trying too hard to convince her husband for a baby, and her husband is putting equal effort to convince her otherwise, she put it into words, such
'We are trying too hard to have babies'
Later I queried Nam...How hard are they trying, every hour???ROFL
Nam : Torn between grin and disgust.

My interview with TM

I am not keen on joining Tech Mahindra.
For reasons similar to why I want to leave my current employer. Its also a company less like a work place and more like a jail. In the name of security, they believe in the concept of maximum inconvenience to employees.
I wanna work some where, where I don't have to think twice on what I can or cannot wear to office, where the company doesn't treat you like charity.

Yes, I still appeared for it just to gain some expertise, to get some confidence to face interviews.

The interview was okay. I mean I answered almost all questions to the first interviewer. He was mostly asking on things that we practically work on. So, it went quite well.
The second guy obviously wanted me to read some books before I appear the interview. He asked me all bookish questions, which cannot determine if you have actually worked on the technology. Any person who has done a google on 'java interview questions', 'hibernate interview questions' and 'spring interview questions' can answer a lot better than me. If that's the kinda people you want in your project...great...good luck to you!!

So, basically I am sure the first guy will say I was good and the second one will say I was not...
But anyways it doesn't matter since I am not planning to join there. But I can do with the confidence boost that a offer letter in hand could get me. Lets see...

Well I have one more interview with arisglobal day after tomorrow. This one sounds good to me...but I am sure it would e equally tough. I hope I get through this one.

A Weird Dream

I had a weird dream last night.
I wasn't keeping very well when I crashed on my bed, and instead of sleeping like a log, which I usually do, I kept waking up each half an hour (when I would cough), giving way to a new weird dream one after another. But I generally tend to forget my dreams as soon as I wake up, so I remember just one, which I narrated to Db as soon as I got up.

I saw myself and Db sipping coffee at our balcony, and I noticed this friend of mine on the apartment rooftop. This friend was Mani, a guy who I was friends with during my school days and I am not in touch with him since last 10 years or so, he happens to be in my Orkut friends list but, mostly idle and I have no clues where he is and whats up with him...so in short I am darned surprised what was he doing in my dream.
Okay...back to my dream. I saw him on the rooftop with a girl dancing to the tunes of Ek aankh marron to (the famous number with Jeetendra and Sridevi from the movie Tohfa). BTW did I ever tell you that for a really long time, till my second year in college, I believed that couples actually dance on their dates as shown in our Bollywood movies. So that was excatly what he was doing...dancing with his girl on a date.

Me : Kya Mani, Dance maar raha hai???
Mani : Yep. Ladki ke liye kya kya karna padta hai...
Me : So, is that your gf or your wife??? (I have no idea if he has either)
Mani : Wife hai yaar!!!
Me :Oh great!!! Why don't you guys come over for a cup of coffee
Mani : No yaar we'll have it at home.

And he disappears with his wife.
I open my main door to see them entering their house, which happens to be just infront of mine. I call him again
Me : Sure you don't wanna come down for coffee.
Mani : No yaar!!! Don't bother. We'll make it here.
Me : Sure!!!
Mani: Yep.

And I shut my door.
Soon, my call bell buzzes. I open the door to Mani.
Mani : Hey...would you mind borrowing me some sugar?
Me : Oh not a problem.
I take his bowl and move towards my kitchen. Then realization strikes, and move back to the door.
Me : Fuck the sugar. Come and have coffee with us...
Mani tries to move his head in negation.
Me : No arguments.
Mani : Okay then, I 'll just be back.

He disappears again to return with his wife and two cups.
Me : Now what's that for???
Mani : I thought you wouldn't have extra cups.
Me : (Insult!!!) By chance you know, I do. So just come on in.

He follows me to the kitchen...and here's the shock. The kitchen floor and walls are full of dead cockroaches. The corpses are sticking on to the walls, floor and the windows...lakhs and lakhs of them (I swear on God, I do not have so many cockroaches in my house). I find the last night's remaining curry on the gas stove, which I forgot to keep in the fridge. The cockroach corpse queue seems to have originated from there.
Mani is scandalized.

Mani : Now what's that???
Me : Donno. Looks like they tasted the last night's curry.
Mani : !!^&@*!& I want no coffee!!!
Me : Okay...how about the sugar???
But he had already disappeared with his wife.
Now, that's about it.

It was 9 in the morning now, and Db and myself were getting ready for office. I was starting early today since I planned to see a doctor. So Db went to the kitchen to prepare tea while I was getting ready.
Db : Hey...looks like you forgot to keep the last night's remaining curry into the fridge. It still lying on the gas.
I rushed to the kitchen...looked around the walls and floor. So sign of cockroaches, dead or alive.
I gave a sigh of relief.

Success And Failure

While searching for a number from my phone today, I came across this number of a school friend sleeping idle in my contact list. She is old friend of mine, and a very good friend she was.
She stayed in the same colony, her gate just infront of mine...and we were class mates at school. We were both from middle class families, but hers was a little poorer than ours I believe, due to her mother's illness. I would share my books with her, so that she wouldn't have to buy them...I would give her my notes since she wouldn't have time to make any due to her household responsibilities, we would help each other in every possible way...and that made us very thick friends. I was a better scorer among the two, but she wasn't too far behind...and somehow that didn't matter to both of us.

The trouble in paradise came when we both passed out from school. I kept moving steadily towards my goals and she got left behind due to her family responsibilities. I wouldn't also blame her family for everything, since they made sure she got the best school and tutions, but may be she herself lost her focus...I donno. Eventually I landed up for engineering and she went for a normal graduation, since her ranks were not good enough in the engineering entrance. That pushed her down her edge of jealousy(I guess) and she made it very clear to me, and eventually stopped speaking to me after that. Soon we moved to another house far from hers...I tried to make it up with her before I leave, but she wouldn't speak to me.

During my holidays, when I came home, I came across that she has been spreading horrible things about me among our school friends. When we met during the school get together, she tried speaking to me...but I gave her a piece of my mind. I told her, I wouldn't like to speak to her since she is not the friend anymore whom I loved and cherished. She stood speechless while I left.
I never heard from her after that...

I came across her again though common friends on Orkut a few months back. She didn't send me a friend's request nor did I send her one. But from friends, I got to know that her father is retired now, and both her parents are not keeping well, her brothers are now late 30's but not married, she is now working as a nursery school teacher at Rourkela and not married yet(she was two years elder to me though we were in the same class), since she didn't want to get married till one of her brother's get married and get somebody to take care of her parents. I saw her pics on Orkut, she looks terribly frustrated, lost a lot of weight and her face also looks tired and drained out.
I felt as bad for her as then when we were at school. I felt like time as gone back to those days, when she would cry in front of me for her mother's illness or her brother's callousness...and I wished she did the same now and I could help her the same way I did earlier.

I arranged for her mobile number from a friend...but never called her. Many a times, I contemplated calling her, but discarded the idea...what if my genuine words of concern sound sarcastic to her, what if instead of helping her I make her feel more terrible,what if the fact that I am more successful than her reminds her of her failures.
I decided to keep track of her from friends, and make sure I call her once she is settled, or doing better than now...but soon enough I got busy with my life and lost track of her again.

Now I am not sure, if what I had heard true or not, whether she really was spreading things about me...I regret I didn't give her a chance to defend herself...may be it was wrong on my part to go and blast on her without getting to know her side of the story. May be even I was feeling superior at that point of time because I was doing better than her.
I see her number in my phone directory now, I think its time I call her. But I am still fighting the thought.

This weekend is getting boring...

While I am down with a sore throat, this long weekend is not going half as good as planned. Yesterday I couldn't even manage to step out of house. Planning to go out in sometime to buy a pair of shoes for Db...which he can't do without anymore. Also planning to go out to check out the Dusherra celebration in and around Kormanagala.
Among all this, one good news that the weekend got me was a bright ray of hope that came from my Delhi trip...hope things start rolling soon.

The Delhi aftermath

I have a sore throat ever since I came back from Delhi...and running a fever since last two days.
Yesterday I reached office and left in half an hour since I couldn't stand the AC. A day's rest can do wonders to you. The fever is mostly gone but my throat continues the harassment.

We spent almost a good 30K on the trip...but the kinda experience I got from it is worth millions.

I am happy I got to see the real persona of people which they hide under their designer clothes, make up or the constant 'hey' 'oops' 'yeah' and 'man'. Within they are people who can stoop so low that leave you with a gaping mouth. Ever since our return Db is full of appreciations for me, believing that he is lucky to have me...but of course.

I am disappointed to see this generation being so irresponsible and callous towards their carrier and family. Also I must say they are way smarter than what we were at their age. They lie with such a straight face, have no signs of regret whatsoever. I wonder what makes them such, since I believe all generations have their share of temptations. May be easy access to things (bikes, mobiles, internet, laptops), may be the feeling that everything will be taken care of, or the Oh-I-am-so-cool attitude, or mere overconfidence. I donno.

I do not have a problem with the choices they make in life, since I have always believed that they are all adults and smart enough to make their decisions, but they should also have the guts to face the consequences...which they clearly don't have.

I am so awfully disappointed.
Yes!!! its now that I eventually realize that I am way more matured than any of those people who I thought were. I look at them and feel proud of what I was then and what I am now.

Back from Delhi

I am back from Delhi since last night.
We started from Delhi around 9 in the night, when we were still sweating in the heat, and 3 hours later when we landed at Bangalore International airport, it felt like we were back from hell, to land in heaven. I wonder why people like to stay in Delhi, considering that it's awfully hot, everything is just too far and pollution is horrible.

Well...to start with good news, I did a lot of shopping and more so since most of things I got, I got them dirt cheap. I got my hands on some awesome parathas...and the best part, I got to meet Db's college friends, which was FUN...and also I was able to address some of the issues that I had gone to help out for.

And...some bad ones.

I had this friend of mine from school. She would tell me that friends who would say only things that I would like to hear are not true. She would correct me when I was wrong, tell me things that she wouldn't like about me and things she would believe that I was doing wrong. And I believe that makes your relationship stronger and more dependable.
But I witnessed it myself that people only want those kind of relationships in their life who tell them things which are music to their ears. The moment you say things which doesn't sound flattering, they turn you into villains instantly.
I wonder these people who are educated, so-called civilized, wear such designer clothes, work in huge offices, are in fact so cheap within. They could talk high about table manners while dining at the most expensive restaurant in the city, but back home they are such cheap filthy people who are worse than the house maid that works for a menial wage.
Yes, it was someone in my family, whom I intended to help sail through turbulent times, but she was adverse to any kinda criticism, and wished to hear it wasn't her fault at all. And here I return with my own hands burnt in the fire I wished to put out...and a relationship lost.

Also,
Youngsters, these days...irresponsible is the word that comes to my mind.
There are temptations at all ages, at all times. We had our share of temptations during our graduation days as well. But I think youngsters were more responsible then...or lemme say...there were more youngsters who were responsible then, a number which has reduced drastically over the years.
My gang at college was richi-rich. People who had a lot of money to spare on worldly pleasures, an option I never had since my Dad is just a government employee. I would get 1500 rs a month, and made it a point to never ask for more. I would target to save at least 150-200 rs every month so that by the end of a few months I could buy nice T-shirts to match my other friends.
Yes, there were other easy options. A convent educated girl from Rourkela has plenty of options in college. People would race to make her their girlfriend, since she is a feather in their cap. It wasn't a big deal. And then, all your expenses are taken care of...and there were people who would do it for the easy life that it brings along.
But on the flip side, I knew the kind of money, effort and sacrifices that my family was going through, to have me get the degree at the end of four years, I knew the consequences of being caught since my Dad was a pretty well-known person in Bhubaneswar, I had an idea of the kind of complications that this relationship would bring on me and my family later...and I went on to become one of the very few people who passed out from college with pretty decent marks + a job + single status - complications + proud parents...a great combination I must say.
But this is a very selfish and irresponsible generation...and I am really disappointed with all the youngsters that I have come across.
Decieving parents for just like that, irresponsible to the core where money is concerned, giving absolutely no value to the trust that parents place on them, lying on the drop of a hat...I am terribly disappointed.

When asked, Db's friend Nehru said that he prefers getting a pet dog than raising kids, at least he wouldn't bring as many problems along. Well!!! I am giving it a thought, I already have a handful.

Prelude to my thoughts before I start for Delhi

I am early to office today. Not because I didn't have much to do at home or more to do at office. I came early because I am leaving early today for the flight to Delhi this evening.

Now, there is this is a weird feeling...
May be it's because its a long time since I have been ever early to office...
Or may be since I am traveling after a really long time, other than my parents or in-laws place...
Or may be because I am excited about Delhi, or may be I am not...I am not sure what am I gonna do or say there that would help someway.
I feel like this damsel in distress who is too weak to change things...and I hate to be so.

As a kid I believed that my Dad had a magic wand. He was able to handle the toughest situations in the most graceful way. Things which would look so very impossible to us, just when we would lose hope and give up on it, he would get it done. I didn't know this word then...JUGAD, but back then I thought he had a magic wand which he would use to solve all problems. (But he is getting old now, or may be the power of the magic wand has fallen short to the rising inflation...his magic though still working would not be able to hold too long.)

Obviously I wanted my husband to be the same...dependable.
But when I actually started looking out for prospective grooms, somewhere I missed this criterion. It was my mistake...I would compare every guy with my EX, a superfit football player, with a great dressing sense and lot of Dollars...but he was not dependable, of course. Well!!! I was quite young then to realize that...and I believe things are much rosy the first time.
But that I realize now that everything else aside, if your man isn't dependable, your life gets hell. It's very important that your man stands by you when you need him the most. And my life is easier because I have just the man I need. I wouldn't have been able to go through this if Db hadn't been understanding enough.

I had this friend of mine, who believed that it takes as less as a day for a person to change.
'People change like this' she would snap her fingers...

I did never find it true...I never changed in the last 26 years. Yes, I wish today some people would change...and some never do. And the second one is Db.

Missed on my CHOTA FHORTCUT

To quote Shahid Kapoor in Kaminey
"There are just two ways to success...FHORTCUT and CHOTA FHORTCUT"
I missed on my CHOTA FHORTCUT this weekend.

My frustration with my current employer is a known fact to my readers (anybody there btw???). But I wasn't ready for a change yet, it needs a lot of preparation before I actually jump to the pool. But I chanced on this requirement on Accent(Times Of India) for a walk-in for HP. I might give it a try I thought.But I wasn't ready. So be it...lets just find out where I stand.
Last Saturday, just when I was about to start, Db gave me this wonderful news that this drive was actually only for women who had 4-8 years of experience. Bingo!!! that's my CHOTA FHORTCUT. Since I believe women between 4-8 years of experience would be quite less in number, most of them looking for jobs after a break due to marriage or kids, mostly Aunties. So I stand a good chance since there would be hardly a 100 people. Ah!!! I wish I was a little prepared...but still there is a fairly good chance.

And I was right. There were maximum 70-80 people who turned up, most of them were Aunties who wanted to resume their careers after a break.
I had reached there by 10 am, but I was kept waiting till almost 3pm...while people who came after me had already finished and left. After continuous inquiry, it turned out that they had lost my resume.
Finally, my turn came around 3, after I gave them another copy of my resume. My tech round was quite good. I wonder, if I am actually good at my concepts or like the lucky JAMAL in Slumdog Millionaire, I was destined to be asked only those questions for whom I knew the answers...except one. For that one question caused all the unpleasant trouble. The interviewer was one lady (who had enough facial hair to be called a man, and looking at her face actually distracted me), she asked me to write a program. I used a logic which she wasn't expecting, I tried convincing her that it would give the same result and she looked convinced...at least that what I thought.
I was selected in the Tech round, and proceeded for the Managerial round...which again went very well and I was passed on to the HR for the rest of the formalities. By the time it was 5.30 pm, and I was the only person left. The HR lady approached me, and we started the discussion, if I was ready to relocate to Chennai and my current package etc. It was unbelievable, I could resign on the next Monday...I had already started to imagine my manager's expression when I would tell him that I quit. Yeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Just then a man approached us, to say that he had some technical questions for me. But I already finished that round, but he insisted on one. And before I could even understand what was going on, the HR was gone and he was seated across the table taking another technical interview.
My mind went numb...so am I not resigning this Monday!!! He asked me a few questions and I could realize that I was too tired to think. He asked me to explain the same program which I had written for the other lady...he said the results would be the same but the performance would be bad...Ohh!!!...so I might have to bear my manager for some while now. He looked angry for some reason, he was hell bent to prove I wasn't good enough. I answered most of his questions, but each time he gave me the expression like he was sitting next to an idiot of the first order. What is he so mad about???...I still donno.

It was over...he asked me to leave.

I knew this was not right. It was less of a technical test and more of stress test. If I wasn't good enough they could have rejected me in the 1st round itself...or are the interviewers not good enough to judge people. Who makes them sit in the panel if they can't judge if the candidate is good. I wanted to turn back and give a piece of my mind to the HR, I had nothing to lose...but I felt tired and humiliated.
It was like smelling me the chocolate and taking it back.
This was my CHOTA FHORTCUT, and I just missed it by a thin line.
I wish I would have said "No...I donno how to do it" for that piece of code. I knew I would still have been selected, the rest of the interview was good. If not I wouldn't hurt so much, since I knew I wasn't prepared.

No worries...I know I am good at my work and there are sure better places to work, and bigger problems in life to worry about.
Like my Delhi trip this weekend, which is neither for MY business nor pleasure. Its more to try to straighten things for people who are family and who refuse to help themselves and have become the cause of worries for the rest of the family.
God help me help them...Amen to that.

Ah!!! Problems...do they have a tail???

The Tide

I am on a lot of caffeine now, empty stomach, a severe headache, with some moronic stuff to be completed while all I want to do now is to slip off home.
FUCK IT... I'M FRUSTRATED AND I REALLY NEED TO PUSH THOUGHT IT!!!

There is an underlying truth to frustration...there is something that seems wrong...something that you are driven nuts about because it is NOT happening, or IS happening...and you can do nothing about it while you can't also bear the pain of being a silent spectator and watch while the drama unfolds itself.

Why is it so difficult for some people to accept their failures gracefully? Why is ego so important? Why is it so important to be like somebody else? Why can't people look within themselves to find the happiness that they are actually looking for from other people?
Why is changing oneself so difficult? Are we locked into our persona...so much so that we can never break free from it and change ourselves.
Can we not realize that the glorified picture we have of ourselves is not correct, and instead of waiting around for things to change, we change nothing, that's foolish.

I am helpless, feeling like a loser that I can't help my own people, people who are all I have. I clearly see what's going wrong and who's going wrong...but I can hardly do anything about it. People who I love, who I care for, are in so much pain...it hurts. And I am not helping, I can''t.

Awhhh!!!...Honestly, it's one of those days that I could just scream...

My colleague was complaining me today that she has spotted this new guy in our team staring at her boobs. Needless to say she was very irritated with this regular practice of his, so much so that she now avoids meeting him and discuss work with him.

Accepted that men are programmed that way...but there has to be some decency at office.
Now, I remember the bollywood movies in the 80's would have the heroines with huge boobs and God knows what made them think that they ought to look conical in shape (and don't get me started of the kind of dresses that would had the boobs in a different and darker shade). Basically those are the kind of boobs that catch attention.
But this colleague of mine who is hardly 5 feet tall and looks more like a school girl who has lost her way and landed up at a office, and hardly any noticeable assets is quite not something to be stared at...unless the guy has challenged himself to check out her assets to find if she has any at all!!! Okay that was a PJ...at least that's what she told when I said the same thing to her.

Ok now...don't feel bad...I tell her. If you really wanna do something about it, stare at his crotch whenever he stares at your boobs (at least we used to do the same when at college...but well yes...office is different), still worse...raise an incident with the HR. And if nothing else we will screw up his appraisal for this.

WTF!!!

Finding a blog name for Db

Db wanted to start a blog for himself, not that he doesn't have one. But its not been put to good use...which he intends to now. So it was like turning a new leaf with a brand new blog name.

So we started looking for a good blog title for him.
We started with more relevant names like mydailybites, randommusings...and more, which were all taken.
Next he started playing with titles like jorukagulam, thehenpeckedhusband, mujhemeribiwisebachao...only to find that there were people who had already gone through the same misery long before Db realized his state...heh. After an year of marriage, what else is a blog good for if you cant pen your rants on your wife.
Lastly, we even tried all dirty slangs like sa*le, ter*maki, kuttakamina, bewda (and more which I have censored keeping in mind that my SIL has started reading my blog), but no luck.
And finally we tried, allcoolblogtitlesaretaken, cantfindatitle, cantfindanything and those was taken too. I totally sympathize with these guys, having realized what we went through to find a blog title for Db.

If you are still reading on and expecting that I am gonna pass on a link to Db's blog from mine, huh!!! forget it.
After 3 years of blogging and investing so much time, energy, imagination and internet bills on glorifying myself on my blog, you think I am gonna pass on my readers(hardly any though...sob) to read his blog and throw all my efforts to the drains.
Nopes!!!

The price of trusting a girl and her plans...

I had been so tired of saying alone this weekend. So I invited one of my friend home this Saturday. What I conveniently ignored is never to bank on a girls punctuality, her plans and her moods.

So, taking all at her face value, I was waiting for her, all set by 9.30 in the morning. She gives me a call around the same time to tell me that she is about to start from her home in another 10-15 minutes. Here I would like to mention that her home is good 20 kms away from mine. So there was no hope of her to join me for breakfast, so I was now expecting her by 11am, so that she could join me for lunch. But it was 12 noon already, and there was no signs for her. I called her, to find her still a good 10kms far from my residence. I gave her a piece of my mind and asked her to please make it fast since I was starving by then.
To divert my mind, I started watching Notting Hill on Star Movies, but that was not to be for long, since soon the power went off, and the security guards didn't bother to start the generator. It was 1 pm already.

Fuming by then, I decided to make a move and go to he Oasis center, which is the closest mall. I tried calling my friend, but it went unheard for. So I left her an SMS and started for the mall. I felt having lunch without her would e too rude, so I started killing time window shopping at Lifestyle...trying her mobile endlessly all the while in vain.
Finally she arrived around 1.45 pm...only to say that she was late because she wanted to pick a gift for me since she was coming my home for the first time...and apologized that she couldn't find me anything, so she bought me some pastries. Grr to that!!!...I would have been a lot happier if she would have come an hour early instead of getting those god damned pastries. Finally we finished lunch at the food court.

Now she wanted me to take her around the mall, since she was here for the first time. So we went around the gaming zone and lifestyle. She suddenly realized that the next day was Ganesh Chaturthi, and she is supposed to get some new stuff for her younger brother. She wanted to pick a T-shirt for him. Kool with me, since I believed picking one T-shirt (without hitting the trial room) should take 15 odd minutes (I could take less than that. No matter what I shop for, my shopping takes 15-20 minutes maximum...Yeah!!! I know Db is the lucky one). But now she was on a T-shirt hunt for almost over an hour, and I was left for an endless wait doing what...NOTHING (since I had already finished my share of window shopping, and anyway I can't even do that for more than a few minutes).

My blood pressure was shooting up to new heights that I never knew. I went up to her a a couple of times, telling her that she was ruining my weekend, but in vain. She ended up shopping for 3 T-shirts and two trousers for her brother since she was not sure if he would like her choice...so she bought more things, hoping he would at least like one of them (what a pathetic theory!!!).
Anyways it was 4 in the evening already, so we came home. I served her some cold coffee, and she was on her way in half an hour since I had to leave for my dance class.

So that's my sad story of a spoiled weekend. I bet I was happier when I was alone watching movies, painting, reading or for that matter sleeping. This is the price you pay for trusting a girl on her plans.

For people who don't know, I am a girl myself.
But may be when the God Almighty was manufacturing me, he forgot to plant the hormones in me, which makes a girl take half an hour in the bathroom ( I take hardly 5 min), take another 1 hour for make up, unpunctual (I am overtly punctual), make haywire plans (I am a big time planner) and shop like there is no tomorrow(I can't stay in a shop for more than 15 min). Yes, Yes, Yes...I know Db is the lucky one...is he listening BTW???

Not that I am without my flaws...but that may be some other time, another post.

I had a bad bad day today...

The day started well...I slept till almost 10 in he morning.
So had only half n hour to get ready for office. I decided to have the boiled egg, that I had kept in the fridge last night, for breakfast since that was the most quick option I could think of. But the egg was too cold, so I thought I could keep it in the microwave for a few seconds.
I put it in the microwave, and left it for 20 seconds.
Now a sudden loud sound of a blast caught my attention, only to find that the egg has exploded inside the microwave, creating one of the filthiest mess I have ever witnessed. Cleaning off that stuff took me 15 minutes.

Now I finally managed to start for office only to get trapped in one of the ugliest traffic jams.
Needless to say, I reached almost half an hour late to office, only to find my manager has come back from his long leave TODAY.

For lunch as we started, my brand new pair of shoes decided to ditch me, by quitting their heels. Now, I was absolutely handicapped, I couldn't even go to the loo without any footwear.
I took the footwear of one of my friends and got a new pair of new sandals(a temporary workaround) for myself from the national market.
Finally, when we could manage to start for lunch, there were brinjals in the lunch (not that its any better other days) which we unanimously despise...also the burgers in the coffee day express were done with. Since it was too late to go out for lunch, we managed with samosas for lunch.

It's certainly a bad day for me...but there are still a few hours before the day ends. Lets see what more awaits me.

A Wild thought...

One wishful thought that occurred to me last night after my manager kinda rejected my leave request for two days next month.

Hope I someday join as a manager to my manager, I am gonna screw up his life. I would not let him take even half a day off in a year, I will screw up his appraisal every time and make him do piles of work with a system slower than a snail. (Ah!!! The thought of it gives me immense pleasure)

Well...Db, the playing his usual Devil's Advocate, enlightened me that to get that kinda sadist pleasure, and join as a manager to a person 3 times more experienced than me, the minimum I need is an MBA degree from some likes of ISB, Hyderabad.

Hah!!! I don't mind trying that hard to get even with him.

Great!!! He goes...
You earn the lakhs and I am gonna leave my job and become a house husband.

Now that's some wilder thought...I must say.

Awaiting my independence day

Sounds like my frustration level is gradually rising...right!!!
So be it!!!

We had a so called independence day celebration at office today.
A so-called celebration inside the cafeteria, in a 800 sq ft area, where a total junta of odd 1000 people were expected to stand and watch the ongoing celebration, with people breathing over each others neck (literally), pushing each other with their sweating hands. Now that's some celebration!!!
A company which a respected brand over the globe, treats its employees like damned charity.

I am sick of these brands and big names. With my experience of over 4 years in this industry, I have worked with the biggest brand names you could think of, and eventually I realize that all that glitters is actually not gold. Big brands which show huge profits on their balance sheets, are also achieved by curbing the rights and privileges of people like us...starting with cutting on our paychecks, leaves to toilet tissues.

What stops me...you might ask!!!
The recession is one of the answers...also the fact that I need the money that comes from this job. I am desperate to leave this place ASAP, but I need to go through this till I have another offer in hand.
Hope that happens soon.

And yes, before I forget...HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY.

How time flies...

My friend L turned into a mother yesterday.
She was my first roommate at hotel...one of the first friends that I made during my graduation days.
Feels like yesterday, that we were standing in a queue at hostel waiting to be ragged by the seniors...doing all kida silly stuff which passed as ragging...laughing, crying, dancing, eating and again ragging the juniors together.

She is a the proud mother of a son today...the first mother in our group.
Congratulations dear...to this bright new chapter in life.

Lonely tonite

I am feeling lonely tonite.
Not sure if Db's absence is the only reason.
May be the anticipation of office tomorrow also plays a big part for it.
I am starting to hate my office already...my manager, the policies that this company claims.

Nothing helps...no amount of chocolate, colddrinks or chicken is helping.
Next weekend, I am gonna try wine.

I have started my dance lessons...
My entire body aches...but I hope I'll lose some kilos this time.

And finally, I managed to get the full version of Diner Dash, something I have been looking for since quite some time.
But as i played till the 18th level, I am already bored of it.
Geminis...I tell you!!! Its tough to be one.

Bad start of the day

A real bad one at that.
Disclaimer : Terribly frustrated rants ahead.

As soon as I reach office into the jam packed parking, I hurt my leg with an oddly parked bike. Damn they cant provide proper parking also!!! But there was more drama awaiting at the reception.
I was greeted by the HR lady at the reception with the information that I was not properly dressed according to the company policies. I wondered what was wrong with my dress, a jeans and a casual T-shirt and scandals. Apparently we are not supposed to wear round necks according to our company rules...as if we are those sex objects around, who need to hide their necks lest the rest of the hungry sharks (men) pounce on us. Earlier during the HR dress code information which was given to us on the floor meet, they had asked us to avoid wearing round necks although its actually not considered to be an offense.
Now here she was, eating her own words, asking me to register my employee id in the list of offenders, for which she was going to cut one of my casual leaves and also I go back home and change and come back. I told her if that was the case, I am not going to travel 30 kms to and fro to change a mere T-shirt and also if she is gonna cut a day of my leave balance, I return straight from here back home and actually take this day off.
Now that isn't permissible.
You have to go home and change and come back and lose a day of casual leave as well.
You can't have both the sides of the coin to your side.
I stared straight into her face, I said its your policy to cut a day off for so-called nondisciplinary actions, but I refuse to work on a day I am not gonna get paid for and you have no policy to stop me.
She agreed.
I decided to leave and inform my manager and client that she didn't let me in since I was wearing a round neck today.

Now when I see my manager, he gives me that why-are-you-here look. I told him the matter and said I was leaving.
He threw the words at me saying it was my fault for not being appropriately dressed and that I should have read the notice board.
I was like what notice board...there is notice on it.
He took me to the notice board to prove his point only to see there was none.
Ahem....

Manager :Well...you have to go home and change and come back. I am giving you two hours.
Me: I am sorry, I cant travel another 30 kms for such a petty stuff. If at all I am going home, for sure I will not come back.
Manager: In that case I will take strict action you. I will make sure they cut your salary or two days instead of one.

Now that pushed me to the edge. People who know me, know that I don't lose my temper easily, but when I do God-save-you. I hate it when people treat me like charity. I work much more than what I get paid for, and nobody is doing me a favor by giving me this job. I am here because I work and I am worth it. Still they expect us to become scientists, while the systems that they provide to employees are from the Mugle-Azam era, and run slower than snails.
And I have a question...if I am all that genius...why the eff* would I work here for peanuts...I would rather work for Google for a hefty package. Your expectations from your employees is sky high, while you cant even provide a pantry or toilet tissues in return. Damn the CMM Level 5!!!

All I wanted to say then was 'Eff* off' and leave... but this was office and we are professionals. I donno how controlled myself, I gave him a stare which could melt the Alps and just managed with...
'I am not going home and if I do I won't come back. You can suit yourself.'
I turned back and left without waiting for an answer.

As I came out from his cubicle, I felt like a wounded cobra, fuming with anger.
I started looking at the portal site for the RESIGN option, but I couldn't find it. Its not just for the today's episode, I am ever so frustrated with this company, its policies, its facilities, its expectations and the effing managers.

So I waited for my anger to ebb down, which it didn't. Washed my face, had some tea...didn't help. Spoke to Db, sent a mail to the HR sending me a copy of the dress code policy since I couldn't find it on the portal site.
My lead came, again in a round neck T-shirt but had escaped somehow. The manager came to us and warned her to be careful next time. He then turned to me, saying you were just unlucky, you are a thief only when you are caught...and smiled away to glory.

And just now I felt the pain in my leg and checked out that it was bleeding of the injury I got the first thing I entered the office premises today. I had totally forgotten about it amidst all this drama.

I don't have a title for this one...

Its 2.30 in the night now...I am just not sleepy and D is not around to force me to sleep with his usual 'Which part of NO do you not understand???'

I had a meeting this evening with my clients, to discuss the new project that my previous employer has lost to us. But my name was convieniently missed in the meeting request. I dont't mind...more so since this meeting was supposed to start at 8.30 pm and was expected to run for at least for a hour. So I decided not to be too generous to offer to be a part of the meeting was not invited to. Also since Db is out of the city now, I didn't have the nerve to drive back home so late.

Times have changed now.

I remember my days when I was new to Bangalore, I was working with my previous employer in a crappy project, an irritating moronic team lead, even more moronic manager and going through an ugly breakup. With my previous employer, working till 10-12 pm in the night was standard for a weekday and working on Saturday was taken for granted.

On one particular evening, it was almost 12 midnight by the time I finished my work...and when I called the security for a cab, he said that due to some technical difficulty they were not providing cab service for door step drop. I got so pissed off...I was new to Bangalore and wan't sure of my way back. I was scared to take an auto so late in the night. But I managed...and I managed every single day of my life on my own. Most of my life I had been single, and handled myself through every phase of my life...alone. This is something I have always been very proud of...the fact that I am an independent person.

But ever since my marraige to Db, I find myself dependent on him. I can't work late if he is not in town, I let him handle my phone bills and credit card bills, I am not sure when,how and where does he pay the electricity and internet bills.

I am not an independent person any more...not half what I had always been.

I donno what else to write...I am feeling aimless while typing, but I insist to continue...

I have the laptop on my lap, a book on Springs to my right which I was reading a few minutes back, and the TV is on infront of me...the movie Damini being telecasted...multitasking at its best...hai naa!!!

I was reading book called 'Spring in Action'. Its a nice book, covers most of the chapters in Springs and AOP. Planning to finish this one an one more by the end of next month and start appearing for interview after that...can't work under this sadist manager anymore.

I like this movie Damini...loved Sunny Deol in the movie...he had few of the most awesome dialogues that Indian movies would ever write, 'Yeh Dhai kilo ka haat...'. I relate to Meenakshi's character in a lot of ways...even I would have done the same...may be. This is something Db has always been worried about...the fact that I am an idealist.

This post is going no where...looks like I am blabbering now.

I think I should go to sleep now.

In less than twelve hours...

In less than twelve hours Db would be starting for his three months long assignment to pune.
I wanna be with him now for sometime, but damn this job, I can't move my a** from my chair...
So its gonna be a long long period of home alone, and back to single hood again.
And there is gonna be a lot of blogging, I mean real lot of it...

...in less than twelve hours.

Enormously irritated

Disclaimer : This post is going to be full of random ranting. So before you go ahead, you have been warned.

Every single time I have a meeting with my manager, I feel like throwing my resignation on his face right there. I mean, despite of the fact that they have screwed the ratings of 80% of the people in the account, slashed our salaries by 10% citing the aforementioned excuse, they still have the face to ask us to work harder for things which we are actually not supposed to do under any compulsion.
I mean I did not have a problem, if they had cut my package on the pretext of recession. I understand this is a tough time, but they slashed my salary by reducing my appraisal ratings, despite of the fact that I, and for that matter my entire team had a good customer satisfaction rating and also held decent certifications. Yet they screwed the ratings for all of us.

Now we have a meeting to ask us to have some kinda idea generation which would give a cost benefit to either my employer or my client...and this is a part of our goal settings, which would result to further cut down our ratings if we fail to do the same. I mean, if each one of us is supposed to come up with such ideas, wouldn't we all have scientists in our organization.
And if I forgot to mention, we also have to do two certifications in a year...one domain and one technical and take a few trainings and also gave a few of the same.

And then on a lighter note, he asks...so what is your motivation to work at office other than your salary (of course, that not a motivation, rather it's something that demotivates me), to which there was an uncomfortable silence.
So he adds, I want you guys to take initiative in making team activities, outings and doing social activities. Take some time out and volunteer for such activities, go and teach at orphanages and handicapped children on weekends, tree planting outings and stuff. This is also a part of your goal settings and if not complied to will result to reducing your appraisal ratings.

Fucker...!!! I whispered to myself.

I don't mind being a volunteer for team activities or social service, but that should be something I want to do myself and not compelled to do so as to secure my appraisal ratings...

I mean...Argh!!! I donno what else to say...I am just too pissed off.

Dirty mind at work

Is it just me me to observe that on the sponsors of the popular show Rakhi ka Swayamvar are I-pill contraceptive pills, condomns and revital.

What's the connection dude...!!!????

Singlehood days coming again

Yeah...yours truly is again going back to her single hood days for a while, starting next week, while Db would be away for a good 3 months.

Well...this time I am more determined than ever to utilize this time in a way better way than just sleeping, brushing, bathing, eating, office and streaming movies. I have already enrolled for Salsa lessons and also am looking forward to swimming lessons. And not to mention update myself with Springs, Hibernate and Spring webservices and Struts(hopefully) and start appearing for interviews by the time Db is back...and in the process might lose a few kilos ;)
Now Howzzzat!!!

Now that my parents are here for a week, I really would need those extra kilos to be shed off which my Mom has fed into me...while all the while she scared the living daylights out of Db by feeding him all vegetables known to human race(Db hates each single one of them) on the pretext of good health. Db was scandalized the day they arrived with a bag carrying at least 10 kilos of green vegetables which they carried all the way from Rourkela while traveling by train for two days...only to be fed to their dear DAMAD who cant stand the sight of them.
And don't get me started on the Saas Bahu serials (courtesy Ekta Kapoor), the torture that she puts him through, as if my Balika Vadhu was not enough (that's one serial I watch)...
My sympathies with him.
Tch Tch!!!

Irony...

My previous employer has lost a dear project to my current employer and I am here receiving KT from my old folks for the same.

And I still see the same problems prevailing there...
- overworked,
- sling the mud onto others to keep your back safe.
- I-give-a-damn attitude.

Somethings never change.

Sigh!!!

Sometimes I hate to be a part of a middle class family.

When I was younger, I remember my Father asked me once…so how much money is enough for you. To which I had replied that, I want enough money so that whenever I wanna buy something for myself I don’t have to think twice.

And I am proud to say I have reached there today.

Also I always wanted that I depend on no one, which is again something I take pride in. But yeah…I never considered that if you are independent yourself, you will always find people who are dependent on you…which is now, my problem.

I find people dependent on me…so much so that at times I can’t get what I want for myself. When I sit to prioritize things I find them at more dire situations than I am.

But what hurts me more when some of them don’t understand the responsibility of the money, the efforts and sacrifices you put in on them.

Being from a middle class family, I know the value of money, and I feel bad each time I have to shell out a few tens of thousands for people, more so when they don’t feel half the responsibility of the same. I want to save some money for myself, my future, a house, some property…despite the fact that I(rather WE) work our as* off for the same, I don’t seem to go any where close towards it.

Well!!! I had started this blog so as to keep a log of my feelings at various times and circumstances of my life and in a way it makes me happy that not many people read my blog...hence the post.

To conclude…if you would have invested 10000 rupees in Infosys shares in 1993 it would be equal to 2 crores today...

To quote Db’s words

काश यह मेरे बाप को पता होता !!! *Sigh!!!*

The Jamalghota Experience

My friend today was asking me for something that I could recommend her for constipation.
Like a flash in the pan, I say JAMALGHOTA.
'You must have heard this name in some bollywood movie, I am sure it doesn't work'...she said.
'It does...I know'.

This is an incident that happened 5 years and 10 kilos ago.
Gone are those days when I didn't have to think twice before savoring a delicacy...but Ah the irony of life, I didn't have 1/50th of the kind of money that I can spare today.

Me and my roomie LP were starving for some good food. My mess owner, lets call him Budha(that's exactly what we called him then) was very fond of both of us (still we called him Budha). We just happened to mention to him that we were craving for some good food and neither did we have money to afford it nor a boyfriend who could sponsor the same.
Budha senti ho gaya...
He mentioned this wedding reception that he was to attend the same evening at the Hotel Marriot and offered us to join him if we wished. That was most certainly an offer that we couldn't refuse and we hoped onto his car when he was about to start.
To our luck, the food at the reception was great to be an understatement. We hogged the food as if we had come from some famine affected area and haven't seen food since a couple of weeks. Of course we had no idea what table manners meant then.

But the trouble in paradise came when the food which looked so great and tasted even greater landed us constipated for two days. Finally we went to the Budha for rescue. He gave us some medicine which looked like Cadbury Gems which we were told was JamalGhota. We had heard about it in various bollywood movies and how you are supposed to run into the bathroom as if you have fire in your a*s after having it.
Since we had only one bathroom attached to our room, we asked SM in the adjacent room to keep her bathroom available since one of us would be hitting it in another ten minutes. And then we waited with bated breath for what looked like ages but nothing happened. We cursed our luck, cursed the all the Jamlghota makers on earth and all bollywood scriptwriters who made us believe it would work and went to sleep late in the night.

I looked at the watch, it was five in the morning. I could feel something building in my stomach. What's wrong with me...okay..flashback...good food, hotel Marriot, the reception, constipation, Jamalghota...Gawd is working. I ran to the bathroom, its locked from inside...I start banging, its LP inside...'how long will you take'...'I donno' she says 'my brakes are failed'...Damn her!!!
I ran to SM's room. They are all sleeping. I bang her door with all my worth, no response...I bang harder, now I hear some grumbling sounds, the sounds of being disturbed from sleep at five in the morning...but then what are friends for. I know they are all awake but just waiting for each other to open the door. So, finally I threatened to help myself right there in front of their door if they don't oblige...now that worked and the door finally opened to my rescue.

So that's how I know.

So much for a vegetarian meal

I have this friend at office who is pure vegetarian, who doesn't eat paneer and mushrooms either. I wonder what a pain it must be.I am a pure non-vegetarian...I love to dabaofy chicken at the buffet meals. Good food makes me really happy, works great as a mood enhancer.

But I donno what got into me to agree to a vegetarian buffet with my friend last friday...that too at Sukh Sagar of all places.

I could see it coming within a few hours post lunch, but I chose to ignore it. Then came Db's friend whom we met for dinner. I didn't have a proper dinner there but whatever I did,again vegetarian, added royally to my misery.
If you haven't figured it yet, I am living in and out of the bathroom since last two days. So much so that I am on leave from office for the same reason. So much for a vegetarian buffet lunch, I have never had half the trouble with dabaofying double the amount of chicken.

But I am quite better today. I could have managed office if I wouldn't burden my stomach too much. But Db wouldn't lemme go...and history has it that whenever I had defied him and gone for office, I have been in trouble.
Db went on to convince me to take a leave which I wasn't ready for. He tried to convince me with his logics.
-You are not well,take rest.
- What if you get the nature's call on the way to office...sheesh!!!
- There is anyway no work at office for you.
Didn't work.
And he gave his final stroke...
They screwed your appraisal and reduced your salary, and you still wanna work even while you are not well.
TUM CONVINCE HO GAYI YA MEIN AUR BOLUN.

He didn't have to...I was more than convinced.

I am feeling better

As a victim of low self confidence that I am, sometimes I am a little worried that I am not half a good wife that Db deserves.

But at times, I come accross some people who make me feel better...aahaa...a lot better.

One of Db's friends, N, was in town this week, so we went to meet him for dinner.

During a Casual conversation...

Me - So you are here for business.
N - Yeah.
Me - How long is your stay in Bangalore?
N - 5-6 days. I normally do not go for long trips, this time is the longest I had to stay.
Me - So your wife is putting up alone in Delhi?
N - Yeah. It wasn't possible to get her along in such short notice.
Me - Oh...Never mind. I am sure she would be enjoying the break. When Db was off to London for a month,I throughly enjoyed my time, though the third week got boring.
N - Oh is it.

He streached his hands to fetch his mobile...and handed over to me. It had a SMS from his wife which said 'What have you been doing, you haven't even messaged me once since morning.'
I gave him a smile. He said there is more and showed me the next message which said 'I don't need this favour from you...don't bother to call'.
Awhhhhhh...I said.
And then he went on to add...on the top of all, when I try calling her now her cell is switched off. He rests his case to a speechless me.

So I am a happy person now...a nagging wife is the last thing I am...is Db listening!!!!

Pissed off today

My lead, who also happens to be a good friend of mine, is the reason for my dissatisfaction today.

We were a team of 6 earlier, which has been reduced to 3, thanks to the slow down.

The other guy in the team is a person with almost double my professional experience…but my lead trusts me instead to work on urgent deliveries. The reason being…the senior guy is great technically, but he is too slow. The task that I would complete in a weeks time, he would take almost 3 weeks for the same…as I like to quote it…USSE SAFAI KI BEEMARI HAI. As for me I finish the entire functionality first and then go around looking for missing method comments or code clean up. He is a perfectionist that way, so he takes a real long time. Many a times we were on the verge of missing deadlines unless I wouldn’t have bailed him out.

But what upsets me, is the fact that she chooses to take him along for other things.

For example, our manager wanted a few people from our team to conduct the trainings for freshers, she choose him. Later I approached her saying, I was interested and she gracefully obliged. I did it to secure my appraisal ratings.

But later there were many such opportunities where she conveniently ignored me.

Also today, they are interviewing a few people for our team and I am conveniently not invited to the interview panel. Initially I dismissed these things on the pretext that why should I bother doing extra work when neither they me any extra penny for the same nor am I going to benefit from it in terms of knowledge or appraisals. But it’s slowly getting on my nerves.

All I want at the moment is, try and get off the hook of this company. I am really through this…the stringent appraisal procedures, the unfriendly managers and the tacky facilities (not to mention the absolutely inedible food...don't get me started on that) given to us as employees. The only thing that holds me back is my project, it uses all the latest technologies, the clients are coolest that I have ever dealt with and the office timings are just perfect.

But…I donno…let’s see.

BACK FROM SASURAL

I am back from my SASURAL this morning...The experience wasn't half as bad I thought it would be. I was pretty much at ease and everyone treated me in a very loving and caring way. The biggest compliment I received was I seemed less like a BAHU and more like a daughter to everyone...it can't get better than this!!! The only issue was the weather which was horrible, I kept sweating like a pig, which took away most of the fun in the trip. If they say Kashmir is the heaven on Earth, then for sure Andhra is the hell on earth during summers. It was sooooo bloody hot, I feel the temperature rising even while thinking about it.

With my in laws, I get to taste the flavor of joint families, a concept very alien to me since we are a nuclear family back home. I like the way elders invite you home and treat you, I like the lighthearted relationship the DEVARS and BHABHIS share, I like the way cousins care for each other, pull each others legs, exchange gifts on occasions and hang out at places...and yeah gamble. You heard that right, we had a game of cards with some similar aged cousins, which was a proper gambling and lasted almost till the middle of the night. Db lost a good 120 rupees I gained almost fifly.

I visited a place called GUPTESHWAR with my family, one of the oldest Shiva temples, which was a great experience. An entire post coming up on that soon.

And yeah...not without worries.
Db's native is a small town, and his relatives not very competent with the fast growing generation. But a few kids including Db, have managed to break free from the circle and have been able to make it big in the bigger cities.
But as they say Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers...
Not everyone has the the ability to sail smooth when they take this huge leap from a small town to the fast moving metros...I see so many young people going in wrong directions and getting into things which they cannot handle, in the pretext of being a part of the smarter generation in question. Not that this is the first time that I see them, I have come across a lot of such people and also closely witnessed their plight when the time of self realization comes for them. That's the reason why I have always called them the confused generation.

And the worst part is, you can't do a thing to bail them out. Somehow they dismiss you as a older generation who don't understand their lifestyle, they have developed a mid-your-own-business kinda attitude and to make things worse then don't realize that what they are getting into and they might not be able to handle the consequences.
So you are left with nothing but just wait and watch till they realize their mistakes. And the person in question here is actually someone who might have to pay a hefty price for what she's got into...

I wish she comes out of things in the best possible way and with minimum damage done.
Yeah I do care for her and wish I could help her...but for that matter I have never been able to help anybody who was ever in her shoes...
**sigh**

ABOUT PERSPECTIVES

Last night, while we were returning from Oasis, I was telling Db, that the people who work in the office space of the same building must be real lucky, they would have no issues with the food. If you don't like the food at office, hop on to Polynation. So unlike our office where the food is inedible and you don't have any choice than reconciling to what is served to you.

Wait for this one now:
Db begs to differ. He says, if the husband works in here, he would have to buy vegetables from Spar on his way back everyday, which is scary. But scariest of all is, if the wife works in here, she would go for shopping everyday at Lifestyle and Max...
Now the second one is a blunder...ain't it????

Talk about individual perspective...

****************************************************************************************
Two posts in a day, she must be really sitting Welle...
Yes...you are right...So wot!!!???

HOLIDAY MOOD

A week long holiday coming for us ahead...
I have almost stopped working at office since two days, since I have already got into the holiday mood.
We are traveling to Db's place tomorrow. Well...this is not exactly the kinda break that I was looking for since some time...but I am happy with anything that keeps me away from office for a while.

Hmph...a long and tiring journey coming ahead. Almost 40 hours of traveling, wish our parents could stay closer to make the traveling part simpler for us.
But in a way it works fine for us, the farther the parents are, the least they interfere with your life.
The thought of my Mom breathing on my neck all the time, to keep the house sparkling clean, cook lavish food...not to eat out, and save money like a penny pincher, scares the daylights outta me.
Similar for my in laws, being overdressed and, with mangalsutra, toe-rings and wot-not and doing elaborate pooja-path...Nahinnnnnnnnnnnn...not my cup of tea.

So, this is convenient, and worth the pain. So lemme just brace myself for the journey tomorrow.
Will update some pics after I am back, in the typical Hindu Pativrata Stree(which I am...ahem!!! at heart I mean) avtar.

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE PUT ON

…when you take awfully long time to get ready for office.

I have been telling this to Db for quite some time that I feel I have lost some weight.
He replies in negative each time (he needs a lesson or two on how to pataofy your wife).

But last night while I was speaking to my Mom on the web cam (it’s like a godsend thing for parents who stay such long distance away), she was all so thrilled when she saw me…okay, I exaggerated, she just said that I look a lot better and seem to have lost a good amount of weight…okay some weight.
Ah…Moms I tell you, no one understands you better than them. That’s exactly what I wanted to hear from somebody.

But looks like my Mom wasn’t all that correct after all, I took equally awful amount of time to get ready for office today morning, trying my entire wardrobe to find something which fits me…boo hoo hoo!!!

THE CONFUSED GENERATION

Yeah!!! Confused...that's wot I call this generation.

Otherwise how do I explain why my friend got his so-called ex-girlfriend married to his elder brother...
Or why another one of my friend's wife chooses to continue her affair with her ex-boyfriend even after she is married to a descent family and a nice guy...and somehow his one affects me more than the first one.

I really feel like hitting her hard across her face...to call her all kinda names, she being the reason for the misery of the family so close to me.
But she doesn't deserve that.
More so, since she is a victim herself...victim of her own confusion.
I don't know what is she thinking while doing this, cheating her husband, cheating her boyfriend, or herself.
And who is the other guy kidding, romancing a now married woman.
I feel sad for the husband though, being cheated by his wife...

Forget conscience, do people not think about their own future before doing these things...
What is she up do...does she think sailing on two boats will take her anywhere at all???

I donno how to react...
I was very pissed up with the girl when I got to know about it...but now, after pondering over it for a while, all I feel for her is sympathy.

The problem is here...
These girls come from villages, from downright conservative families, where even the girls wearing pants (literally) is a taboo. Being brought up with these families, these girls leave home at at a very young age for studies and later leave to work at one of the metros or Bangalore or Pune. In an effort to be a part of the much forward culture and crowd there, they transform into confused individuals, not able to choose between the values given by their families and the culture that they are currently a part of, and hence get stuck in the middle of the evolution cycle.
Alas....there is nothing we can do about it???

My friend's life has turned into a living hell with her, and I donno how to bail him out of this. I feel so helpless, due to the sensitivity of the matter and also due to the fact that the law favors the women blindly on such matters.

Well...got to think of something and faster too.

MOBILE TESTING 1 2 3...

Testing to see if I can blog from my HTC.
My client has blocked the very little freedom that we had
by banning the news sites, trading sites, and of all other things, the
blogger too...

Now this is what I call 3rd degree torture.
Nevertheless there is always a way out, and thanks to Db for this one...
I always knew you are my little survival kit.

SATYAM BREAKS EVEN

Finally Satyam stock shows up green for us.
Today the Satyam has hit the upper circuit second time in a row...gaining over 10 percent the second time.

This was our loss percentage with Satyam dated 18th May 2009...

This is the one today...

And if experts are to be believed, the share value of Satyam is expected to go up to 100 soon.

Update 11th June :
Satyam breaks the upper circuit yet again...

I TURN A YEAR OLDER TODAY

A very happy b'day to me.

Though it doesn't feel the same now...as it did a few years back. I would stay awake till midnight for people to wish me, and I would be so disappointed if the no. of calls are less to my expectations. And contrary to that, last night when my brother called up to wish me, I was already snoring to glory.
I guess they are signs of getting old... **sigh**

Frankly, I don't want to get any older. It seems just yesterday when I was 17, the best period of my life, seventeen to twenty years of my age. The time I spent with my friends at hostel. I wouldn't count it as my happiest time, but yes it was the greatest learning phase of my life, learning with fun...and the time I made the best and strongest friends of my life.

The time wont come back and now I feel awkward every time
the children in my building call me Aunty( I d0n't feel like one),
my Mom asks me if I have finished cooking the meals(that's something Aunties ask each other),
every time I keep the Savitri upwaas (something like karwachauth),
When ever my SIL calls me Bhabhi(I am the youngest in my family, and there was hardly anyone who would even call me Didi),

Ah!!! How I wish birthdays would come and go by, but won't add to my age.

THE MOBILE HUNT

So, finally Db boiled down to buy me an high end mobile for my b’day.
Saturday morning, he shows me these wide ranges of high end touch screen mobiles in a real affordable range. It’s a surprise to find touch screen mobiles starting from 9.5K. After reading various reviews, we decided to go for one of the two models, the LG cookie and the Samsung Star.

After visiting a few mobile show rooms we almost decided on the Samsung Star which is a relatively new model, and was selling off real fast. At many stores, the last piece was just getting sold at the counter as soon as we reached there. We almost hunted 5-6 stores with no luck. At last we found it at a mobile store in the Forum Mall in Koramangala.

Okay finally, we grabbed the mobile, but just before we were going to bill it, we found that these guys didn’t give any memory card with it. Db wasn’t sure, since he remembered that E-Zone quoted a much lesser price with a 2 GB memory card, just that they were out of stock. So, he left me at the store and went out to call up and confirm with the E-zone people. Noticing that we were having second thoughts, the sales man approached me and agreed to give me the memory card as well.

While I was just waiting for Db at the store, another sales man from the same store approached me:

SM: Maa’m are you looking for that specific model.

Me: Yeah, kind of.

SM: Please come with me, I could show you some nice models in Nokia.

Having nothing to lose, I joined him

He started showing the 7610 supernova and Nokia 5730. But these were not quite the ones I was looking for, I wanted touch screen ones.

Me: No thanks, I was just looking for touch screen phones, in a range of 15K.

SM: Maa'm, Samsung is no brand at all, I tell you, its a total waste of money. You could go for Nokia instead.

Db entered at the same moment.

SM: Maa'm the Samsung touch screen would not last even three months. Take my word, you would regret going for the Samsung mobile.

He started giving some technical faults in the touch screen of the Samsung star. I looked at Db like a lost puppy...

Db: You wanna think about it??? Chalo, let's grab some food, you could take that time to rethink your decision, if you are confused.(To the SM) We will come back...

At KFC, I was still in a state of shock.

Me: I felt like he wanted me to leave the store without buying anything. The guy belonged to the same store, so why did he shoo me off??? I am having second thoughts about the Samsung hand set now, while the Nokia phones he showed me don't fit neither my requirements nor budget. They obviously lost business because of that guy. Do you think they would be on their way printing his termination letter!!!

Db: (He couldn't stop smiling) Yeah sure, But I don't really believe a word of what he said. He looked like a chirkoot to me, for sure he was hoping you would go for the Nokia model after all the brainwashing he did to you...so that he might get his commission, which obviously did not happen. Now, if you don't want the Samsung model at all, we could get the HTC model for you. That should be easy to decide.

So we went to another store and grabbed the HTC Touch Viva.

It's a whole new experience, with the 3G, Edge, Touch Flo technology, Wi-Fi enabled with windows 6.1 along with other features. And the best part is, now I can check my mails at office on my mobile, since web mail and other good and useful sites are all blocked by my client.

So, as they say, everything happens for good, I really thank my stars to have met that sales man, and I just hope he doesn't get fired for this.