I am here for my sister-in law's wedding.
DB's extended family never ceases to amaze me, they are way behind when it comes to how far our society has come. They have still a long way to cover. And the worst part is nobody really wants to cover the ground
When I first came here as a bride 7 years ago, things were bad. And nothing's seems to have changed in so many years. As the new age daughter- in-law, I have always stood out like a sore thumb, not the best example they had. I am guessing I am the epitome example of how a daughter- in-law should not be.
Widows are not allowed into most functions. They do not eat any spicy food, no non-veg, they wear no colors and remain secluded. They lead a very sad life, if you ask me. I see them talking about their loss and the life they once had and it makes my heart reach out to them. What is this society that we live in that does not let a woman forget their loss. Why is that we take away their freedom, their choices, their life whilst life is much more and way beyond the man they lost.
We have DB,s grandmother's younger sister who was married at the age of fifteen and divorced at the age of eighteen. She is around eighty and lives alone with no companion and no kids. However she still lives like a married woman and does all rituals for her ex-husband as if she was still married to him. The day I came to this household, she is been excited about getting my sister-in-law married. And when everything got fixed, she had someone on her ex-husband's side dead days before the marriage. According to ancient rules, that makes her unfortunate for a happy occasion and she couldn't attend any of the functions. When I met her she was grief stricken about not being able to attend the event. Who died, who lost and who paid for it. Somebody from his grave, who probably had little or nothing to do with your life gets to rule your happiness. How is that fair????
You are not supposed to come face to face with certain league of people here and for some you are not supposed to touch, and some others you are supposed to touch their feet every now and then. I will never comprehend who and what, how and when...too complicated and too intense.
Now, when one of the people from the 1st two leagues are present, I am not supposed to be in the same room. So what!!! Hello!!! I came to the room first, then you should not come in. But no, when they come I am supposed to leave. Hah!!!
Another day, another example.
Early morning, I came out of my bathroom to find DB's elder brother (cousin). I folded my hands in a Namaste, but he turned around and ignored me. I realized that me being in a maxi offended him. Hello!!! You came to my house early in the morning wearing a shorts and a tee. I didn't cry scandal on the leg show, I understand its the sister's wedding and a lot of work and his need to be comfortable. But I ain't hatching eggs here either, if my wearing a full length maxi which is atlest 2 size bigger offends you...well I have no words for your double standards.
One more
For the sangeet function, I got stuck in the dining area. The living room was full of people from the first and second league. I am not supposed to cross them, so I am stuck. DB had to sneak me out from the back door like a thieve.
Another time they told me its OK and the men would turn their backs at me while I crossed the room. Ah...how big of you!!!
Anyways, it was the sister-in-law's wedding. She was more of a friend to me than the actual relationship we share. Maybe that is why our relationship lasted. At some point we did rub each other the wrong way but we came around. I have never considered myself as an emotional person, yet I did break down at some point when she left the household today...there is no proof though, I expertly avoided the camera.
I hope she stays well. May be at some point I will not approve of her or get jealous, yet I want her to get the best life can give her...I believe I did love her after all.
DB's extended family never ceases to amaze me, they are way behind when it comes to how far our society has come. They have still a long way to cover. And the worst part is nobody really wants to cover the ground
When I first came here as a bride 7 years ago, things were bad. And nothing's seems to have changed in so many years. As the new age daughter- in-law, I have always stood out like a sore thumb, not the best example they had. I am guessing I am the epitome example of how a daughter- in-law should not be.
Widows are not allowed into most functions. They do not eat any spicy food, no non-veg, they wear no colors and remain secluded. They lead a very sad life, if you ask me. I see them talking about their loss and the life they once had and it makes my heart reach out to them. What is this society that we live in that does not let a woman forget their loss. Why is that we take away their freedom, their choices, their life whilst life is much more and way beyond the man they lost.
We have DB,s grandmother's younger sister who was married at the age of fifteen and divorced at the age of eighteen. She is around eighty and lives alone with no companion and no kids. However she still lives like a married woman and does all rituals for her ex-husband as if she was still married to him. The day I came to this household, she is been excited about getting my sister-in-law married. And when everything got fixed, she had someone on her ex-husband's side dead days before the marriage. According to ancient rules, that makes her unfortunate for a happy occasion and she couldn't attend any of the functions. When I met her she was grief stricken about not being able to attend the event. Who died, who lost and who paid for it. Somebody from his grave, who probably had little or nothing to do with your life gets to rule your happiness. How is that fair????
You are not supposed to come face to face with certain league of people here and for some you are not supposed to touch, and some others you are supposed to touch their feet every now and then. I will never comprehend who and what, how and when...too complicated and too intense.
Now, when one of the people from the 1st two leagues are present, I am not supposed to be in the same room. So what!!! Hello!!! I came to the room first, then you should not come in. But no, when they come I am supposed to leave. Hah!!!
Another day, another example.
Early morning, I came out of my bathroom to find DB's elder brother (cousin). I folded my hands in a Namaste, but he turned around and ignored me. I realized that me being in a maxi offended him. Hello!!! You came to my house early in the morning wearing a shorts and a tee. I didn't cry scandal on the leg show, I understand its the sister's wedding and a lot of work and his need to be comfortable. But I ain't hatching eggs here either, if my wearing a full length maxi which is atlest 2 size bigger offends you...well I have no words for your double standards.
One more
For the sangeet function, I got stuck in the dining area. The living room was full of people from the first and second league. I am not supposed to cross them, so I am stuck. DB had to sneak me out from the back door like a thieve.
Another time they told me its OK and the men would turn their backs at me while I crossed the room. Ah...how big of you!!!
Anyways, it was the sister-in-law's wedding. She was more of a friend to me than the actual relationship we share. Maybe that is why our relationship lasted. At some point we did rub each other the wrong way but we came around. I have never considered myself as an emotional person, yet I did break down at some point when she left the household today...there is no proof though, I expertly avoided the camera.
I hope she stays well. May be at some point I will not approve of her or get jealous, yet I want her to get the best life can give her...I believe I did love her after all.
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