A perfect (mis)fit

I feel I am stuck at the worst period and worst stage of my life.

Physically I feel my state is the most difficult one. I am neither thin, nor to fat…rather let’s just say I have put on some (good amount of) weight. So I am probably travelling in the middle of the bridge to motiness. I f I was on the thin side of the bridge then I would have been the happiest person, if I would have been on the other side of the bridge i.e. already too moti, I would have accepted it and taken it in my stride. But I am somewhere midway, that makes me a self conscious someone, who is trying (to try) too hard to lose weight. I wish to reach at least some side of the bridge someday, hopefully the thin side.

On the second note, I also find difficult to fit into any age group. The unmarried singletons probably find me an Aunty, while I don’t find their jokes funny anymore. Most of them seem silly, immature and outrageous to me. I find it difficult to join a group which likes to sit at a coffee shop during wee hours in the night while chatting endlessly to nothing.

While with the seniors I stand out like a sore thumb. They find me silly, immature and outrageous.
I don’t think I would ever be able to talk or behave like one of them, I am just not wired like that. When I got married, I had told my SIL that if she treats me like a friend we can have a healthy relationship, the day she starts behaving like a SIL, it will make me uncomfortable and the relationship will become more pretentious. Over these years everybody on my in-laws side accepted me like this, may be they were just happy that ‘okay…at least she is not pretending’.

So now where do I fit, that makes life difficult for me. The worst worst phase of my life...really!!!
Ok...now. Looks like the temporary singlehood life is taking its toll on me.