TOO MANY EMOTIONS

Too much for me to contain. Too much for me to release. I am quite silent tonight. I am just not volunteering to speak…I speak only when I am spoken to.

Waking up with a foul mood has become a habit these days. I can’t control it but I don’t really have a reason to vent it out on every person I meet. It starts with dissatisfaction with the way my life and my career is shaping up. I have, after making an effort for almost 8 months, finally found out a way that would hopefully set my career straight but my life continues to SUCK. Well!!!...SUCK is a heavy word…DISSATISFACTION is the correct word. I hate the fact that most of the problems in my life are because I got over committed to things and played my role with utmost honesty while others did not. Not that I expect a lot from people but I expect them, not to make promises that they cannot keep, value (let alone appreciate) others time and emotions. Still every time, I am expected to complete my part honestly, be nice and sweet and fair to everyone.

I am quite tired of being tired. I am frustrated with being frustrated. And I am irritated with my own irritability.

I am tired of what I am wanted to be-
Feeling so faithless-
Lost under the surface-
I don't know what is expected of me -
put under the pressure of walking in other's shoes –
Every step that I take is another mistake to them –

I've become so numb -
I've become so tired -
so much more aware -
I'm becoming this -
all I want to do is be more like me, and be less like them –

And I know, I may end up failing to what is expected out of me, and that’s my worst nightmare.